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5 Ways to Effectively Annoy Your Cat

Updated on October 28, 2014

Annoying Cats

Let's face it: that cute, furry, and cuddly beast known as the domestic house cat can be a domestic pain in the arse. If you "own" one, you know exactly what I mean. They don't come when called, they stand on your head at 6:00 in the morning mewling to be fed, and they are constantly trying to escape the confines of your home, despite the ridiculously lavish lifestyle they enjoy.

Cats follow the beat of a different drummer. In cats, you won't find the unswerving obedience so prevalent in the canine. With dogs, you can change behavior with a simple system of discipline and reward, but with cats, you'll have to be much more creative. If you catch your cat on the dinner table, squirting it with water will merely ensure a sneakier approach to their malfeasance in the future, and if you reward them with a treat for good conduct, they will simply be twice as annoying the next time you open whatever cupboard the treat is stored in.

Vesuvius, after a serious bout of aggravation.
Vesuvius, after a serious bout of aggravation.

Annoying Cats: How to Exact Your Revenge

So what is a human to do, faced by such an indomitable adversary, one that feigns complete apathy in face of your sheer annoyance? It's simple: Fight fire with fire. Adopt the maturity level of a five-year-old and heap infantile levels of obnoxious behavior on your cat.

It's quite simple really: for all its elegant, graceful, and cool posturing, the DHC (domestic house cat) is actually quite fragile in regards to tolerating anything it does not like. While the long-term benefits of annoying your kitty are negligible, they are guaranteed to either a) inspire the DHC to ignore you for the next twenty minutes, b) be really nice (a strange response to being annoyed, but it happens), or c) make you feel good about finally leveling the playing field, no longer being bound by silly concepts such as maturity and human dignity.

There are numerous, almost limitless ways to bother a house cat, and it's up to you to find those particular things that really grate your own furball. But extensive research has shown the five listed here to be extremely effective in getting under a cat's skin. Feel free to experiment with variations so as to optimize the levels of aggravation you can achieve for your little pal, and most importantly, have fun. If you think for an instant that that little bologna loaf isn't loving every minute of attacking your big toe while you sleep, think again.

1. Forced Affection

It is a bizarre aspect of their countenance. No matter how much a cat may like affection, they are absolutely repulsed by it when it's not on their terms. Whiskers may be asking to be petted all day long, but as soon as you force any sort of concern for his happiness upon him, Whiskers will immediately lose all interest.

This funny quirk can be used greatly to your advantage. The primary subject of my annoyance studies, Vesuvius, has displayed high levels of aggravation during forced affection tests, and it is my belief that this is one of your greatest weapons in the war of bothering each other. Simply pick up your cat, lie down on your couch or bed, and completely envelop her in your arms, essentially smothering her in affection. To really enhance the obnoxiousness of this, maybe sing an extremely stupid song, replacing the majority of words with your cat's name, or repeat a completely ridiculous sentence in a whiny, high-pitched voice that sounds like the guy on that beer commercial: "Who's got a furry little moustache?"

Your cat will hate you for at least ten minutes, until he forgets. He will then resume all annoying activities like missing the litter box or lying down directly on top of whatever you happen to be reading.

A visibly annoyed cat: Mission accomplished!
A visibly annoyed cat: Mission accomplished!

2. Extreme Disappointment

While my little Vesuvius has a gigantic heart, she also has a stomach that's even bigger. Sadly, she has been on a diet for the majority of her life, but the poor little critter's metabolism just can't burn away the chubbiness. Needless to say, the prime point of annoyance for the munchkin involves her desire for food. Her perpetual state of hunger, coupled with her insatiable desire to vocalize every trivial desire, is a recipe for my insanity.

Fortunately, I've found a way to counter the effects of madness by employing concept number two: Extreme Disappointment.

Simply wait for the victim's mealtime, preferably when she is indicating a desire for food. Take out the source of sustenance (whether it be a bag, pouch, or tupperware container), open it, feign excitement so as to increase the animal's own zeal, and then give her one piece of food.

Just one.

When I employ this tactic, the expression on Vesuvius's face is priceless: disbelief, desperation, and utter contempt all mixed into one. Of course, I only let this go on for about a minute, but that's all that is necessary. This gives her this message: I'm the food master, and if you don't like it, go eat a rodent. (If only she cared...sigh.)

3. Refused Victory

This one is simple, really. If your cat likes to play (mine rarely shows interest), simply refuse to let them win. Laser pointers are perfect in this regard, since from the outset, victory is impossible; the cat cannot get the red dot. But other, more traditional toys are applicable as well, especially when attached to a string. For as long as the cat will allow, just keep the toy well out of reach. A cat will generally only fight for so long when there is no obvious reward or attainment of the target. And then, hopefully, they will ignore you for ten minutes, until they forget about the whole painful affair and go do something obnoxious like barfing on the carpet or peeing on your $800 Turkish rug (true story; it's a wonder she's still alive).

Kittens are an exception to this rule, but I guess none of these rules apply to kittens, as they really can't grasp the subtle nuances of the power struggle between man and feline. Besides, who would want to annoy a kitten?

What are you, psycho?

4. Sudden Movement

I know, this is extremely bratty and adolescent, but I can't help it. When Vesuvius unsuspectingly strolls by, minding her own business and probably wrapped up in some daydream involving fresh fish and sparkly toys, I can't help but be amused by the two-foot vertical launch produced by my moving my foot a mere three inches.

I refuse to grow up.

While bordering on idiocy, dressing your cat in kung fu costumes is in fact an extremely gratifying activity for vexing the hell out of your cat, as evidenced here by Sir Snagglesworth III.
While bordering on idiocy, dressing your cat in kung fu costumes is in fact an extremely gratifying activity for vexing the hell out of your cat, as evidenced here by Sir Snagglesworth III.

5. Complete Humiliation

At risk of appearing insane, I unveil the fifth and most powerful tool in the arsenal of annoyance: Dressing your cat up in costumes!

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I sew miniature dresses and sun hats and make her sit through tea parties with a host of stuffed animals (and if that sounds appealing to you, by all means, seek professional help). No, my invention of this particular tactic was inspired by a book. Basically, the book is a kung fu epic, set in feudal Japan, a storyline augmented by photos of the characters in totally awesome kung fu costumes. My parents, who have four cats, were gracious enough to allow a complete exploitation of kitty dignity while I visited last summer.

It's not surprising a cat hates—nay, loathes—being dressed up like a ninja and forced to hold miniature nunchucks. In fact, the whole endeavor proved to be so difficult I had to give up. Damn prima donnas.

Regardless, the photo shoot wasn't a complete waste of time. I got some hilarious shots and found that for bugging your cat, nothing compares to Complete Humiliation.

(Oh, and don't get any crazy ideas about stealing my phenomenal book idea, it's copyrighted.)

Do realize though, that your cat may, on rare occasions, embrace their kung fu alter ego, as is displayed here by Vesuvius, aka Lotus Blossom, who was actually quite content with her absurdly awesome costume. Note the look of contemplative serenity.
Do realize though, that your cat may, on rare occasions, embrace their kung fu alter ego, as is displayed here by Vesuvius, aka Lotus Blossom, who was actually quite content with her absurdly awesome costume. Note the look of contemplative serenity.

In closing, I must say that there is a fine line between annoyance and plain cruelty. If the bothering goes on for an extended amount of time, or if you are experiencing a disproportionate sense of satisfaction from it, maybe you shouldn't have a cat. Or maybe they just really deserve it.

Bear in mind that a dog, in almost any case, will gleefully accept any of the above annoyances with gratitude and excitement. If that's what you're looking for, consider procuring "man's best friend." Obviously, "man's occasionally interested but mostly just barely tolerant acquaintance" is not for you.

How Do You Annoy Your Cat?

What's your favorite method?

See results

More Annoying Cat Ideas

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    • profile image

      Tonja 4 weeks ago

      Wrap a rubber band snugly (not tight) around the tip of your cats tail.

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      Tonja 4 weeks ago

      Put tape on all four paw pads

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      suitedzombie 5 months ago

      I like squeezing my cat to make it meow

    • profile image

      Kurj 6 months ago

      Packing tape is being used to keep the cat off the counter. Doesn't always work, but when it does work, it's like watching a tv show with the cat trying to get the tape off of her. Cheers kitty kitty!!

    • profile image

      Abhaque Supanjang 10 months ago

      Marvelous, Jason...! I enjoy your writing here. There are still many other ways to keep our togetherness with our cats, but things that you have exposed are enough..!

    • profile image

      Brandon 11 months ago

      I read your post and it is amusing. What's more amusing is the people still commenting 8 years after the post. Most cats talked about in this post are likely dead by now or at least very old. Scotch Tape on the paws never gets old for me.

    • profile image

      KandieSteel 13 months ago

      So I don't understand why but my cat hates hats. But you have to surprise him with it, like hang at it eye level and he flips out. I don't really get it.

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      Jo 13 months ago

      I tried number one and my cat just started purring...

    • profile image

      Eryk 13 months ago

      My "other" method, that I employ only when nothing else seems to work to modify behaviour, is Crisco or really any other type of shortening. I hate to have my cats get on the the counters or tables, so I spread it and then offer the cat to climb atop. It is really greasy, nasty, and hard to remove the excess grease so the cat feels like it has nastiness all over its paws. Teaches them to avoid such places at all costs. Of course, then I also have to watch out for it, too.

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      brent 14 months ago

      just typing and not petting my cat will annoy her to bits, i get a loud meow letting me know shes there.

    • profile image

      Nette 18 months ago

      I actually do the forced affection routine I give her kisses, and she allows me to do it until I get the paw on the lips as to say. "ok this has gone far enough"

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      Lo 20 months ago

      These are so great! I also call my cat lily a variety of names, like meow mix and cat dog.. She loves begging and does all sorts of weird things. I also love to annoy her innocently as well, usually with the forced cuddling. I try and make her look at me while like a crazy person I make faces and cross my eyes and make weird noises at her hah she gets so angry at me its awesome. Or I'll shake her bag of treats which sets her running into the room where I've hid under the blankets and won't come out.. As soon as she loses interest I'll shake it again and start the whole thing over. Wow I sound so mean.. But she comes right on back to loving me in ten minutes or so so I guess she forgives me :)

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      Ylva 2 years ago

      I regularly annoy and pester my cat because he is so darned cute, I can't help it! Besides, he annoys me too. Though, he does show love and affection to me (but mostly when he wants food).

    • profile image

      PaulLMV 2 years ago

      I sprinkle them water in small dosis when they get to annoying while I'm cooking, they hate it so much I don't need to actually do it now, just the saw of me "doing" it makes then run out of the kitchen, really useful when you're handling delicate food!

      It's also really useful to correct the kittens when they missbehave! (Sorry for broken english, not my native language)

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      Lori 2 years ago

      Take a piece of bubble gum about a third the size of a BB. Attach it to the longest eye whisker, preferably one that hangs down in front of the cat's eye. The cat will run around like a maniac trying to catch the "bird" that is just always out of it's reach. If you get the piece too big or heavy the cat will feel it and remove it.

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      Limbo 2 years ago

      This is a fantastic article :') Was hoping to learn new ways to annoy my cat but unfortunately I employ all these tactics already xD My favourite by far is sudden movement/noise. My cat is insanely skittish and so when shes just innocently minding her own business, I love to go 'PSST' really loudly and she'll jump three feat in the air :'D It's so great - my mom has also recently been doing this to her too and just can't laugh enough

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      Ana 2 years ago

      In response to Barbara's comment along the upper part...

      You clearly have never owned a cat. :)

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      Barbara 2 years ago

      When my cats do something thoroughly obnoxious, like knock glasses of water over or try to pull paintings off the wall to wake me up or for the simple pleasure of annoying me---well, this is what I do: I wait. I wait until the offender goes to sleep and then I stealthily approach him. I slowly proceed to run the tip of my finger very lightly across the whiskers, waiting for a telltale twitch. I repeat this activity until the cat becomes sufficiently annoyed to give me a sense of having achieved vengeance proportionate to the severity of his crime.

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      blackbird87 2 years ago

      I had a cat, who would always wake me in the buttcrack of dawn by yowling, sitting on my chest, and poking me with his little furry bastard paws to feed him. sometimes I would wait, until after he ate, got comfortable, content and became an adorable curled up ball of heavenly fuzzyness in dream land, and so carefuly I would very gently *boop* his nose, as he did me in the morning, he would move his nose, *boop*, turn around *boop*, look at me with that death glare for a moment, go back to sleep, *boop* get up and leave bed. lol..

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      peachy 3 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      great hub. My cat gets annoyed when i pegged her ears, cover her up with clothes, use twigs or leaves of strings to catch her attention... She is still a great cat.

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      picus 3 years ago

      This is funny. We got a cat for our 5 year old twins over the summer, never owned one before, playfully tormenting the hell out of the thing is oddly satisfying. I guess I can't get over how they have virtually no Pavlovian response to anything. Cats are so frikken dumb! They are the sharp dressed mimbos of the animal kingdom.

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      ron.gertran 3 years ago

      A cat is like a fluffy pillow with thorns.

    • jreuter profile image
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      Jason Reuter 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Agreed Appalled, they piss me off too.

    • jreuter profile image
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      Jason Reuter 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Ya know Trisha, my cat was super sweet too, and had lots of loyal qualities. Our stereotypes of them may not always be accurate, but they sure are funny!

    • jreuter profile image
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      Jason Reuter 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Haha, your comment has me cracking up as well! The Great Foot Hunter. Thanks for stopping by!

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      new cat owner 4 years ago

      Oh man I was cracking up the whole time I read this! I've never had a cat and a friend just gave me a "barn cat" who is "a great hunter" and "always in the barn." Yeah right. If sleeping on my porch all day and attacking my feet every time I step outside qualifies as hunting. I can't walk anywhere with out it trying to "play" with my feet every step! I have resorted to annoying it as well with the excessive affection. Now we are in a war of who can endure the most excessive affection... he's winning.

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      Trisha 4 years ago

      None of these would work on my cat. She is super tolerant, comes when called, stays inside, responds to boundaries set by negative reinforcement, and absolutely does not care what I do to her. The more attention the better is her motto. She speaks in response when I ask where she is, runs to me when called, purrs all the time, and obeys simple commands. Now she won't obey anyone else, and often hisses if anyone else attempts to control her, but my cat doesn't get annoyed at me easily. Sometimes I think she believes she's a strange breed of dog, because she has been known to wag her tail, and copy my dog. My cat is very good, interactive, and obedient.

    • jreuter profile image
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      Jason Reuter 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Thanks nArchuleta! Sorry about Eric, apparently he hasn't learned his manners yet.

    • nArchuleta profile image

      Nadia Archuleta 4 years ago from Denver, Colorado

      You spelled 'you're' wrong, Hater.

    • nArchuleta profile image

      Nadia Archuleta 4 years ago from Denver, Colorado

      This hub is heeelarious! Lindemann doesn't fall for the laser pointer. My favorite annoyance tactic is kisses on the head - he always gives me that "seriously?" look! Lindemann doesn't know it yet, but he's so getting dressed as his namesake next Halloween!

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      Appalled 4 years ago

      Just saw your reply to my comment. Mine were pretty much directed at the losers who left comments that gave me the impression they were quasi-sadistic assholes. I still think they are, and I stand by my comments!

    • jreuter profile image
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      Jason Reuter 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Appalled,

      I fully agree with the sentiment that people can, and have, taken this hub the wrong way. There is no NEED to bug an animal implied here, rather there are fun, lighthearted and caring ways to interact with a cat that are in no way intended to be sadistic, manipulative or cruel. However, you are clearly also in that audience of people who've completely misconstrued my intent. I for one love animals, and spent thousands of dollars to try to save Vesuvius from a disease that veterinarians were unable to diagnose. That being said, please refrain from trying to find a parallel between laser lights and forced toothpaste ingestion (something that I too find sickening). Seeing as how I've made it quite clear where I stand on anything resembling cruelty towards animals, stop leaving asinine, ignorant, emotionally driven comments on a hub clearly generated from love and respect for our furry friends. I'd sooner jam toothpaste in your mouth than any cat.

    • profile image

      Appalled 4 years ago

      After reading these comments I can't help but think that a lot of you are borderline sadists. What's with the need to bug your cat? Sounds kind of sick to me. I think you probably just don't understand cats at all, or else you refuse to accept them as they are.

      By the way, putting toothpaste in a cat's mouth to watch it drool is not funny. It's sick. And cruel. I suppose you don't know that a lot of things people can use or ingest will sicken or kill a cat. Well, now you do know that, so why not treat your cat with some respect?

      Sheesh.

    • profile image

      kchukka 4 years ago

      One of my favorites is the perfect follow-up to #1: after picking kitty up to give her some love, act as though you're going to set her down- but pause just before her fuzzy little paws hit the floor. Hold her suspended there for a few moments until she starts to run in place. Each time I do this, after I set her down, she stops and looks up at me with that "seriously: what is wrong with you?" look. :)

    • jreuter profile image
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      Jason Reuter 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Holly, that is hilarious! Thanks for commenting. You too Perry!

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      Perry the Cat 5 years ago from Mouskin, Texas

      Your cat must be very smart indeed to figure that out. Perhaps it's time to duct tape the laser to his collar and see what he does.

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      Holly 5 years ago

      One day, my oldest cat found out that the infuriating red dot was actually coming from me. He was chasing it for 10 minutes and gave up. He sat in a huff, then turned and looked at me. He looked at the pointer, then the dot, and gave me the dirtiest look I've ever seen from a cat ( besides bathing them). It was a look that said, "It was you. It was you the whole time. 14 years of my life..."

      Now every time I bring out the pointer, the other cats go nuts trying to kill the dot, and he just sits there staring at me with his tail flicking.

    • Perry the Cat profile image

      Perry the Cat 5 years ago from Mouskin, Texas

      put cellophane under their collars

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      Amanda 5 years ago

      put tape on the bottom of their feet!

    • jreuter profile image
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      Jason Reuter 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Thanks JZ, and yes, I totally agree, animals each have their individual traits, and we need to be mindful of these just as we are with each other. My cat has a ridiculously high level of confidence (more like arrogance) and a disproportionate lack of fear, so my intentional annoyances are soon forgotten by her, and thus the battle for dominance continues...

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      Mkrice 5 years ago

      My cat likes to meticulously clean herself often, and it usually takes place right before she settles in for a nap. What I like to do, when I'm feeling like getting her back for constant meowing at 4am, is wait until she's completely finished cleaning herself and then mess up her fur. She gets so annoyed...especially if I continue to do it!

    • profile image

      error 5 years ago

      hi when i had cat it was scared of a baby tiger toy.. why???

      and i used to annoy the cat sometimes like get in its way randomly etc.

      i miss it :(

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      jimmyjim 5 years ago

      I use the sudden movement thing all the time and seeing them jump vertically is probably one of the funniest things in the world. Especially since they never learn. They're asking for it! The smother one I've noticed too. I hug my cat when she's meowing, wrap my hand around her head and scratch it (essentially messing up her hair) and kiss her on the other side on her cheek. Every time she jumps off my lap and has to spend the next 5 minutes or so licking herself to get the smell of me off her. So, at least it's 5 minutes of silence. Great article! :D

    • jreuter profile image
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      Jason Reuter 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Perry, you speak the truth, and with great hilarity! I especially love this line, "if they aren't insulted they're not having fun." Cats are truly bizarre creatures, which is why I love them so much. I can't say how many times I've annoyed my cat to the point where she is growling at me, only to see her come right back within 30 seconds purring and being sweet. Cats are utterly psychotic, and only by reinventing our whole paradigm on the proper relationship between biological entities can we hope to live in peace with them.

    • Perry the Cat profile image

      Perry the Cat 5 years ago from Mouskin, Texas

      lol, denying food. Our cats have food available 24/7 and I've never had a fat cat.

      This is how you play with cats. If they aren't insulted they're not having fun. They are diametrically opposite, polar opposites, different planets from dogs.

      If you get a cat and expect to treat it like a dog, you will end up one night after watching the scariest movie you ever saw going to bed, hearing small scratching noises coming from under the bed, seeing the bedroom door move (did it really move, or was it my imagination?) and once you finally drop off into a restless sleep, a huge, shrieking, red-eyed, taloned demon will dig into your chest to drag you to hell. And when you jump out of bed to run away, you will step on every cat toy you ever bought, slipping, falling and smacking your head on the food bowl he dragged in and becoming unconscious.

      When you regain consciousness, your feline companion(s) will be up on the bed laughing their tails off.

      In the light of this, the above listed techniques are our only defense. They screw with our heads, we have to screw with theirs.

    • jreuter profile image
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      Jason Reuter 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Denying food? Excuse me? Did you even read the hub, or were you just so excited to be negative that you skimmed it for any possible reason to complain?

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      michie 5 years ago

      I don't like these. Especially denying food.

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      Sara 5 years ago

      My cat spaz( who truly lives up to his name) loves the laser pointer and has in annoyance begun making noises when chasing it. He clicks.... Then chirps.... But totally knows the pointer comes from my hand as he looks as me as if to say " are we doing this again today?". Love all your tactics. Made me laugh! Thanks

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      Perry the Cat 5 years ago from Mouskin, Texas

      Lol! She falls off the couch. My kinda pet owner.

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      wynter 5 years ago

      This is awesome! I'm dying to find a laser pointer, just to annoy my cats. Well my oldest is a sweetheart so I'll give her a break(since she loves to cuddle with me), but my 2nd oldest is a little rat.

      One thing I like to do is, when she jumps on the back of a sofa, I get behind her and lightly pat her on one side of her rump repeatedly, and when she starts to turn, I start patting the other side. The result is an annoyed cat that keeps turning side to side trying to 'bite' and/or claw me. Of course I stop when she falls off the couch. Stangely, even though this annoys the heck out of her, she still purrs when I do it.

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      Perry the Cat 5 years ago from Mouskin, Texas

      ahhh sooooooo

    • jreuter profile image
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      Jason Reuter 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      I live in fear of the Ninja kitties, Perry. They can strike at anytime and with reckless abandon!

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      Perry the Cat 5 years ago from Mouskin, Texas

      Such a cruel, devious mind you have, sensai. We cats too have ways to make your life difficult. Beware the revenge of the Ninja kitties.

      Hai-YAH!

    • jreuter profile image
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      Jason Reuter 5 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      I've taken a hiatus from H.pages lately, so lots of thanks are due: Thanks for comments from Amystarr, ricky, Paul, Crazy Kitty Girl, Beans, Vichy, gryphin423, Christina, the Gift of Pen, Joe and Two Patricias! And no, Amy, I'm not a male version of a crazy cat lady. :) Unlike them, I'm content with one cat, I don't sing her songs (often), and I generally just find her, as most animals, very fascinating and interesting. Thanks for reading all!

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      Amystarr 5 years ago

      Based on this article, i would marry you .... but then i have to wonder if you are the male version of crazy catlady? ... just a thought

      p.s .. im not a crazy cat lady who actually thinks shes going to marry you ...

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      ricky 5 years ago

      that was very funny and ver y true i have so much and my cat is very scared of me know and she does not try to esapce and anoher thing i am horny and alone

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      Paul 5 years ago

      Laughed all the way through this, thanks :)

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      Crazy Kitty Girl 5 years ago

      love my cat-CANT WAIT 2 TRY THESE OUT ON ER!!!

      had enough of getting HER way!!!

    • profile image

      Beans 5 years ago

      Mine gets daily compulsory hugs

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      Vichy 5 years ago

      If you get a male neutered ragdoll they are actually very quite, tolerant and pretty much living pillows.

    • gryphin423 profile image

      gryphin423 6 years ago from Florida

      Wow, that was great. I have three cats of my own and can identify with each subject. Well, okay, not the costumes. You are hysterical. Off to read some more of your hubs...

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      christina 6 years ago

      i just got done petting my cat then i rubbed her belly.now she's mad though i do it all the time.i know it's a little mean but it annoys her.cute cat by the way

    • The Gift of Pen profile image

      The Gift of Pen 6 years ago from UK

      This is FANTASTIC. I can really relate to it. I was reading it and laughing the whole way through as I thought of my cat. I love to annoy her, I know its mean but sometimes I just have to squeeze her or wrap her up in a blanket. Or drip a bit of water on her and see how long it takes to get through her mass of fur so she reacts to it. Oh, cats!

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      Joe 6 years ago

      Great list; I especially like the "sudden movement" method. I have a cat who, if you merely touch his belly when he is standing, he becomes so startled that he jumps to the point where all 4 paws are 6 inches off the ground. One time I was lying on the couch and my cat was standing between my foot and a dumbbell. I thought to myself "what the hell" so I tapped him on the belly with my foot and he jumped and when he landed his belly brushed the dumbbell and he jumped again. Double jump. It was priceless; I still laugh about it today and it was a year ago. I know I totally scared the crap out of my cat, Snowball, twice, but it was totally worth it. I don't usually do stuff like that though. Once again, great list; I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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      2patricias 6 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

      Putting socks on the cat usually causes annoyance. However, in the general scale of things the cats win. My cats have about 25 (or 250) ways to annoy me. I think I have 5 (not always reliable) ways to annoy them.

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      Jason Reuter 6 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Yeah, I agree murpp, spryte's suggestions are bordering on cruel. Toothpaste can be poisonous if ingested in too large of amounts.

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      murpp 6 years ago

      Actully 'spryte' your last option with the tooth pase is animal cruelty :( grrrr

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      Jason Reuter 6 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Thanks amymarie! I admit, I reread this once and a while and it still makes even me chuckle. I guess that's a good sign for a funny piece of writing! Thanks for reading and leaving a comment, I'm glad you like it!

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      amymarie_5 6 years ago from Chicago IL

      I laughed out loud when I read this. I have two cats that love to annoy the hell out of me. At 5:30 AM my cats wake me up by tapping my head and biting my ear. Sadistic little bastards. When I'm finally up they usually go to sleep. That's when I start giving it back to them. I can't get too mad. I'd be late for work every day if it weren't for them. :)

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      Jason Reuter 6 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      thanks Greenwick! I've always wanted a cat who tolerated being on a leash, but so far, not even close. I tried once with Vesuvius but she just lied down and acted like she'd lost all will to live. Such a prima donna.

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      Greenwick 6 years ago

      Haha, this is quite excellent! I did have a cat once upon a time who didn't mind being dressed up. He even wore a raincoat and went out on a leash - because being able to walk around when it was raining was apparently worthwhile to him.

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      Jason Reuter 6 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Haha, yes, turning their ears inside out is hilarious. I do that to Vesuvius all the time, but she just shakes her head and goes on her way.

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      Minyassa 6 years ago

      This is all fantastic. I've been pestering my cats since toddlerhood (I grew up with them and have never been without them). I have my standard pesks like turning their ears inside out, bottlebrushing their tails, and playing "who's got big feet" by tickling them between their toes. I consider cat-pestering their rent...I feed them, I clean up after them, I pay their vet bills, therefore they had better put out.

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      b_ella_14 6 years ago

      my cats will never have another moment of their damn smug happiness.

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      Ray Anne 6 years ago

      i got back from the christmas carols to find my cat hermione had ripped up my bedspread. so i got a laser pointer, and made her chase the dot, but offcourse she could never win. then i threw my santa hat ontop of her head, and all she could see was red stuff, so she started jumping around. it was hillarious to watch, but i admit i felt bad after, so i fed her some treats.

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      CatLover 6 years ago

      Actually, Michelle, I find male cats to be more obnoxious than the females. I've always had cats growing up and from my memory, the females were always the ones who were more receptive, intelligent and involved. May just be my experience (and gender doesn't probably matter in cats) but that's just my two cents.

      Loved the article. Truth with a hint of amusement!

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      furball_lover 6 years ago

      Hey, this article was awesome! I read it over and over, each time with tears in my eyes from laughing. But yes, only do it a little at a time. Animals have feelings, you know.

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      Myke 6 years ago

      One of my personal favorites (if you have a smaller or medium cat) - you know those cardboard rings that starbucks, etc puts around their coffee cups so you don't burn your hand? Slide it off the cup and around kitty's head. Totally harmless and they will struggle for quite some time to remove it, while you laugh the entire time!

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      JAKE K 6 years ago

      This is amazing... the kittens gonna get it now :D x

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      Daisy 6 years ago

      lol i felt like annying my little kitty, and this really helped

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      Pet owner owner 6 years ago

      I thought this should stay secret. you are traitor cat owner! lol jk.

      I employ some of these tactics , but he is smart little puss, never the less still work.

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      LOL 6 years ago

      These were hilarious, I think my favorite was the extreme disappointment: a mix of disbelief, desperation and utter contempt all mixed into one.

      I just got a cat (Napoleon), and he's great to cuddle with but I'm not going to lie, I laughed for about ten minutes when he fell of the window ledge today (unharmed). Also love the name you chose! If I ever get another cat I'm definitely considering that!

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      Ed. 7 years ago

      I love #1 except my cat has an extremely bad breath.. and I have to give up real soon, cause I can't stand the smell when he meows repeatedly.

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      Sarah Nadeau 7 years ago

      very funny by cat is evil and doesn't like to cuddle i want to annoy her!

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      Peggy Woods 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

      You have quite the sense of humor! I was smiling while reading this hub. We have 2 cats that keep us entertained on a daily basis.

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      private information 7 years ago

      how do you make a costume for your cat

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      Eternal Evolution 7 years ago from kentucky

      very enjoyable hub, cute, funny and so true ^.^

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      janawaihan 7 years ago

      Your hub is SOOOO delicious.. I have cats, and reading this just now launched me into a fit of giggles... sooo true... such astute observations! Good writer, full of wit, and having lived in Pdx for over 4 years, I really fell in love with your photography.. kinda had to choke back a tear or two when I saw the Living Room shot of P Sq.

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      Rebecca 7 years ago

      Having lived in Boston for a while, I was fighting a losing battle with mice. Hence I acquired Orange Julius, a large (read: very fat) male tabby. Julius and I lived in a tiny apartment, and once he'd killed all the mice, there wasn't much to do except annoy the hell out of me. This led to EACS (Extremely Annoying Cat Syndrome). The EACS would manifest often during the day, and the symptoms included shredding toilet paper, wailing continuously at night, going through the trash, eating q-tips, jumping from windows onto my precious laptop (boy can that thing take a hit!), and even, yes, cuddling and biting me.

      Pushed to my breaking point, I instituted a simple treatment plan called WAC (Water Against Cats). I placed full water bottles all over the apartment, and waited for the bad behavior to begin. Once Julius did anything naughty, I simply opened the water bottle and threw it on him. This was extremely effective at eliminating his EACS symptoms! I always felt bad at first, seeing my huge cat drenched to the bone (my aim was very accurate), but eventually I realized his behavior was so bad as to deserve the WAC system. And once he knew I was willing to waterboard his fat, orange ass, Orange Julius had a new level of respect for me. He stopped biting me and began sleeping at my feet.

      Julius and I are now in a different state and in much larger environs, so his ennui is gone and he gets to do whatever he wants. But every once in a while, when he gets too happy, I simply shake a closed water bottle and watch for the look of panic on his face. Priceless!

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      Enelle Lamb 7 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      I really enjoyed this hub! I too love to move my foot a couple of inches as the cats stroll by - the almost backflip while leaping backwards is too funny for me not to do it! I'm so evil LOL!

      I am also putting a link to your hub on my blog for other cat lovers to enjoy! (A Cat's Tail - the 'Purr'-fect Blog) on blogspot.com

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      Chris 7 years ago

      Love it!

      When my cat annoys me, I annoy her back. I hold her so she can't move, hold her ear, and blow! I can't POSSIBLY see how this could hurt the cat (and if it does please correct me by messaging me on the url http://www.facebook.com/MarieRogue because I DON'T actually want to hurt my kitty, just make her stop biting my face) but it certainly annoys the bejesus out of her!

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      Laura 7 years ago

      @Jreuter - Thanks for sharing this and for condemning, not condoning the _actual_ torture of animals. The first four suggestions you mentioned are known in my house as...

      1. Squeezin

      2. Teasing

      3. Playing (to win...) AND

      4. Surprising

      Your fifth suggestion would be known, with my cat, as "Courting Death," but for cats who are generally just irritated and not homicidal in response to costumes, I think that it's just kinder to keep annoyance in moderation - or perhaps proportional to how much my cat deliberately knocks things off my bedside in the morning to wake me up.

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      Jason Reuter 7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      OK, I allowed this comment to merely show the WRONG way to take my hub. Laser lights and minimal annoyance are fine, and meant in love, but this is sick and torturous. I DO NOT condone burying cats up to their heads or swinging them around in buckets. This is sick. If you don't like cats, abraxxxious, then stay the hell away from them.

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      abraXXious 7 years ago

      Hmmm, never owned a cat - they seem more like an indoor pet and I was raised to believe that it is not acceptable to have livestock living where human beings live. Now that I a have my own family, my wife and I still believe this to be the case.

      ...BUT, an aquaintance of mine DOES have a cat, and you are right - they are the most fun toy you can find that does not require batteries.

      A couple of extra ideas:

      [1] - Put clothes pegs on their ears, tail and feet and watch them go balistic - literally.

      [2] - Put stickers on the souls of their feet. They will sit there continually lifting and shaking their feet in a vain attempt to dislodge the foreign article.

      [3] - Bury them in a sandpit with just the head free. This is actually a litle difficult the first few times, but their will to struggle is soon broken and they will then sit quietly resigned to their fate. If you pile the sand high enough they will be unable to struggle free. Be careful not to pile the sand too high - the weight may make it difficult for them to breath.

      [4] This is one of my favourates. Put the cat in a bucket. Grasp the handle and then swing the bucket at arms length in large vertical circles. The centrifical force will squash the cat into the bottom of the bucket, and no matter how hard they try they will not be able to escape even though they see freedom just above them.

      We have fun for hours doing the above (small minds). :)

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      Roy 7 years ago

      This is the best post i have ever read regarding this issue. i plan to go ahead and use each and every one of the tactics presented here. I am quite sure my sweet Zula would absolutly love this.

      Roy

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      aleaha 8 years ago

      lol... you cali looks just like my sisters her name was loki and she could be both completely sweet and uterly terrifiying. You list is hilarious and informative. I must say I have used some of the tactic of revenge before, I also have one cat who is ticklish, I just use my thumb and pointer finger to very gently twist a couple of hairs back and fourth, no tugging or pulling just twisting, and he jumps like he's bit by a masquito, and if I do it to many times the fight is on. I just thought I'd pass on my favorite way to annoy my chubby cat.

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      craftyfox 8 years ago

      Brilliant hub, its always good to get more annoying inspiration! I tried dressing my cat up in a dolls dress when I was little though ended up getting kinda mauled before the dress was even over her head (she was born feral!)! I used to have to wear several layers of gloves to protect myself whilst 'playing' but I get nice cuddles now!

      Try also:

      - the peg on tail (light plastic peg & get a good grip of the fur only!) watch your cat clatter around trying to see what it is thats following it!

      - sticker/tape on nose, watch your cat fall over & walk backwards trying to look round the sticker!

      - water flick, watch them 'itch' from the water droplets!

      You should look up the 'mean kitty song' & related vlogs on youtube if you haven't already, very, very funny!

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      Court 8 years ago

      These are all very funny, just one problem. I am not heartless, and my 8 week old kitten is probably the most annoying animal i have ever seen. i love her because she is cute most days. but she is even cuter to annoy.

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      braudboy 8 years ago from Long Beach, MS

      NIce cat stories. I married a woman 12 years ago, and of course had to adopt her many cats as part of our new family. I had mostly been a "dog" person prior to this. it has been an experience to say the least.

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      christian 8 years ago

      my cat is mean