When Your Cat Dies: Gentle Tips to Heal Your Grieving Heart
Are you missing the love and affection of your cat who has passed recently away? Here are some of the things that I learned about pet loss and grief when my cat died. I hope these tips on coping with grief when an animal companion dies can help you, too.
Recovering from the loss of a furry friend takes time.
Coping with the pain of your cat dying can be one of the most difficult things you'll face. But with patience and gentle self-care there are things that you and your family can do to ease the pain and grief of losing your cat.
Cats can be incredibly affectionate, loving and loyal. They remind us to be playful and adventurous. They remind us to live in the moment and to love unconditionally. In many ways, our cat friends help us to be better human beings. That's why it can hurt so much when your cat dies, leaving you with an empty space in your life.
Grieving when a pet dies is real. Your feelings are not overly sentimental or silly. It’s OK to acknowledge your pain.
The pain of losing your cat can be devastating. It's important that you let yourself grieve. Let yourself express your sadness in whatever way feels most comfortable and healing for you. Remember, pets are an important part of our lives and losing their love, affection and companionship can be devastating. Don't be afraid to cry openly or talk about how much you miss your cat.
If you can, surround yourself with people who understand the pain and grief of losing a beloved cat. People who don't share your love of pets may not understand your sense of loss. And folks who don't identify as "cat people" may not understand that losing a cat can be just as painful as losing a dog. Part of your healing process involves acknowledging and accepting that your pain and sadness is real and valid. Having a friend or family member at your side who can appreciate the significance of your loss will help you slowly recover and heal.
Although you may feel as though no one can possibly understand the intense feelings that arise when your cat dies, take comfort in knowing that there are many more books and resources available to you than ever before. Many crisis line workers, counsellors, psychologists and health professionals recognize the pain and grief that can be triggered by the loss of pet. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor for support or a referral if you feel like your grief is becoming unmanageable.
Your other pets may be grieving too.
Do you believe that pets are capable of experiencing grief when an animal friend dies?
Are you feeling guilty about the death of your pet? That’s OK, too. And a normal response to the loss of a pet. Try to accept that you made the best decision you could for your pet at the time.
If your cat died suddenly in an accident, succumbed to a fatal illness or had to be euthanized when her pain was intolerable and her quality of life was fading, it's normal to struggle with feelings of guilt and shame.
"Why couldn't I protect her? If I had only kept her inside that day. If only I had noticed sooner that she was looking tired and worn out."
Sometimes when we grieve we replay situations in our heads. We second guess the decisions that we made. Maybe you didn't try (or couldn't afford) every medication, treatment or special diet that was available, but you did the best you could with all the love you had in you. Take a deep breath and try to forgive yourself.
I had to make the decision to euthanize my cat. While I was devastated to let her go, I knew it was the most humane, compassionate thing I could do for her. For those who have to make the difficult decision to put an aging and sick cat to sleep, try to remember that you gave your cat the ultimate gift of a peaceful and pain-free end, a painless death that may not have been possible had your cat had to wait for a natural death.
In his book, "Going Home, Finding Peace When Pets Die," New York Times bestselling author Jon Katz offers solace to those of us who may be second guessing the choices we made at the end of our pet's life. He writes, "Focus instead on the things you gave your pet and the many things he or she gave you. The walks. The affection. The connection to other people. The shared experience journeying through parts of life together. That, not guilt or regret, is the legacy of your pet."
No Heaven will not ever Heaven be. Unless my cats are there to welcome me.— Anonymous
Coping with your loss can only happen one day at a time. Be gentle with yourself.
A pet's death will affect the rhythm of your daily life. Old habits such as going for a walk with the dog each morning or serving the cat her evening meal can jolt you back to the reality that your pet is no longer with you. It will take time to let go of some of these old, unconscious habits.
As a writer who works from home, the days and weeks after my cat died felt long and lonely. I missed the rituals we had carved out for ourselves - the afternoon cuddle, the sly way she'd steal my warm seat whenever I got up for coffee, the loud meow from the living room calling out to me, "Where are you?" (As my cat got older and started to lose her eyesight, she needed more and more reassurance of where she was.)
After my cat passed away, I had a hard time sitting in her favorite blue chair. I felt guilty, as if I was edging her out by sitting in her seat. How could I even think of reclaiming her regal blue throne as a piece of common people furniture?
For people who were caring for sick pets, the loss of a daily care routine can be doubly heartbreaking.
It may be tempting to dismiss these feelings as just being overly sentimental, but it is important to honor your feelings for what they are. Your cat was a significant part of your life.
The video below provided me with a great deal of comfort while I grieved the death of my cat. Although it makes me cry when I watch it, knowing that my furry loved ones, all my furry loved ones, will one day meet me at The Rainbow Bridge eases the pain of losing them in the here and now.
When a family pet passes away, it's not just humans who feel the loss; other family pets may also show signs of sadness and depression. In the mid-1990s, the ASPCA conducted research on the behavioral changes in cats who lost a close cat friend. Researchers found that 46% of cats ate less than usual following the death of a fellow pet friend. And almost 70% of the cats studied showed vocal signs of grief, either meowing more than usual or becoming markedly less talkative. Many of the grieving cats slept more than usual. Many cats also became much clingier to their human companions. So, while you're coping with your grief over the loss of a pet, be mindful of other family pets who may also be going through their own grief process.
Watch for signs that your pets' health might be changing and don't be afraid to talk to your vet if the other household animals' show signs of prolonged grief and depression. (Source: Ask the SPCA; AnimalSense Magazine)
© 2014 Sadie Holloway