Top 10 Things Your Cat Wished You Knew

Let's Have a Nose-To-Nose Conversation
Cats are compelling "philoso-furrs," extraordinary companions, and the most trusted of therapists, but they do have job stress of their own, you know. It's time for a nose-to-nose conversation with your kitty, so pull up a lap and learn what cats are really thinking.
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Do you consider your cat ... ?
Not Judging You (okay, maybe a little)

Here Are 10 Things Your Cat Wants You to Know
1. Yes, you do look fat in those pants. But chubby tummies make for better "biscuits."
You squeeze into last year's jeans and inch up that zipper, asking your significant other, "Do these pants make my butt look big?" But the mirror doesn't lie and neither, sista, do I. You're putting a serious hurtin' on those seams.
Call it fat, or call it fluffy. I just call it like it is, but don't you worry. Ain't no judgment between us friends. (Well, maybe just a little.) Chubby tummies make better "biscuits." I like the look and can just imagine kneading your doughy stomach with my paws right now.
Cats: Their Body Language Says It All
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2. Being a people person is so over-rated. You understand that.
No one ever accused cats of being team players, and cat people understand that being a "people person" is much over-rated. Dogs reliably run to the door to welcome their masters home. They put up with so much human nonsense: playing fetch, leashes, obeying orders, and dressing up in Halloween outfits and Christmas sweaters.
Not so much with cats. We're divas, lone wolves, the kings and queen bees of the pet world. We're all like, "Bow down to me, b*tches."
Cats don't take orders; we give them. If we don't like something, we'll let you know. We can go all Greta Garbo on you in a minute if we think you have visitors, unless, of course, there's a cat hater among them. That's our call to action. We'll sit on their lap just to watch 'em squirm.
Admit it. Somewhere in you lurks an evil something that appreciates all of our people-particular, high and mighty nuances. That, my friend, is what makes our relationship click.
Are Cats Effective Team Players?
A Strong Team Player ...
| A Cat ...
|
---|---|
Is reliable and consistent; does his or her share of the work.
| Reliably knocks items off your counter tops just to see you work.
|
Communicates positively, constructively and confidently.
| Communicates volumes by yawning or turning his or her back to you.
|
Is flexible and adaptable to change.
| Runs for cover when the doorbell rings. Even changes in the brand of kitty litter or food can send Kitty reeling.
|
Expresses respect for and commitment towards the team.
| Rubs up against you to claim you as his/her property.
|
Considers the viewpoints of others.
| Monitors your internet time by walking back and forth across the keyboard.
|
Shares information, expertise and experience.
| Brings you dead animals as gifts because you're a terrible hunter.
|
Solves problems and focuses on solutions.
| Sleeps an average of 15 hours a day (because no problem is worth losing sleep over.)
|
Stubborn Cat Plays Dead To Avoid Being Walked On A Leash
Pee Happens. Get OdoBan and Get Over It.

3. What's a little pee between friends?
Cats are the first to acknowledge that when there are major changes, we can come undone, become territorial. Being the creatures of habit that we are, sometimes pee happens. Out of the box. On that pile of dirty laundry laying on the floor. (Didn't someone tell you to pick it up anyway?) On the bathroom rug. Or up against a wall.
While we do appreciate your taking us to the vet to rule out medical problems like a urinary tract infection, the next best thing to do is just get some OdoBan and get over it. Seriously. What's a little pee between friends? And stopping changing things.

I swear by this stuff. Especially formulated for pet and "bio" stains, OdoBan is effective at removing the ugly scent that cats can sometimes leave behind on carpets, walls, or other washable surfaces. Pour a cup in your carpet cleaner for great results.
Computer Cats: Internet Addicts
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4. Cats really do run the internet.
Whether it's an adorable cat video, funny meme, or kitty eye candy, we cats dominate the internet, paws down. We'll never ask you to come outside and throw Frisbee. You don't even have to leave the comfort of your own couch unless it's to feed us. Instead, we beckon you to "like," "share," and simply stare and smile at us online.
Scientists suggest that humans' fascination with cats can be explained by felines' resemblance to human infants. We have dome-shaped noggins, large doe eyes, and tiny button noses that trigger the desire to nurture.1 (Ever wonder why so many cat lovers are women?)
But don't spend so much time online that you neglect your own four-footed wonders. Photos are wonderful, but stroking the downy underside of a cat you love is like touching the gates of heaven itself. That is until Kitty suddenly decides she has had enough affection and nips the hand that feeds her . . . then we just hope you got it on video.
Cats: The Audience In the Bathroom
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5. There's a reason why I follow you to the bathroom.
Do you want to know why I follow you to the bathroom?
You obviously know where my tail is. I flaunt it, swish it, slap it against the ground or bristle it as a warning sign. There's certainly no hiding this important communication tool.
But what about you? I am perplexed why you have your tail on backward. (And some of you seem to hide yours completely.) This is one of life's great mysteries for us cats.
Must Love Cats
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6. Sometimes even I feel like you need to get out more.
I get it that we're close companions, snuggle bunny bed mates, even lunch buddies. We spend an awful lot of time together, and sure, I enjoy it, too.
Sometimes, however, even I feel like you need to expand your horizons. Get out more. Make more human friends. How about just one? (And don't tell me you've never heard this before.)

7. I'm smarter than most fifth graders and way cuter.
Let's face it. When it comes to superhuman abilities, cats are downright awesome. We can:
- hear in ultrasound2
- see in ultraviolet3
- fit through small openings, and
- (let's face it) we are clever as all get-out
Scientists have tried in vain to study cat intelligence. We frustrate their feeble attempts to understand us better because we won't cooperate with their petty tests.4 (Imagine that!) Let's just say that cats are smarter than most fifth graders and way cuter, too.

8. There's nothing like a cardboard box for hours of entertainment.
Give a cat a cardboard box and you provide hours—if not days—of amusement and comfort. Cats aren't difficult to entertain.
Thus, instead of spending your hard-earned cash on a closet full of fancy cat toys and whirlygigs, why not rotate some cardboard boxes of various sizes through Kitty's world? Then, go ahead and spring for some catnip, ping pong balls, and a running water drinking fountain. She'll let you know what makes her happy!
Entertain Your Cat With These Inexpensive and Makeshift Toys
Â
| Â
| Â
|
---|---|---|
paper grocery bag
| ping pong balls
| toilet paper rolls
|
place catnip inside a lone sock and tie a knot in the end
| walnuts in the shell
| crinkle some aluminum foil into balls
|
plastic 2-Liter bottle caps
| cardboard boxes
| hot glue feathers onto a wine cork
|
Cat Nap
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9. There are few things that cannot be cured with a good nap.
There's nothing like a good nap to clear the mind, restore the body, and cleanse the spirit. Sleep confers important benefits. It
- improves concentration;
- clears the brain of toxins and;
- enhances learning, concentration, and creativity.5
Rather than teasing cats about our love of sleep, why not get a little more sleep yourself? It could be the difference you've been looking for.

10. You need me as much as I need you.
Since cats were domesticated nearly 10,000 years, we have offered humans dividends in the gift of health and companion benefits. Cats
- help ease levels of stress, depression, and anxiety;6
- lower your blood pressure;7
- decrease your risk of a heart attack or stroke by as much as 30%.
Research shows that sharing your home with a cat is the emotional equivalent of sharing it with a romantic partner.8 Cats are emotionally available. We listen without offering unwanted advice or criticism. We never say, "I told you so," and never demand that you change the channel.
If you snore, we'll consider it as loud purring. We overlook your morning breath even if it smells like the worst litter box ever because that's what real friends do.
In exchange, we need a safe, loving environment where we can reign supreme, with you always acting in our best interest from the time we're vulnerable kittens until we take our last ragged breaths, because that's also what real friends do.

Locations with Names Associated with Cats
Notes
1Stein, Perry. "Why Do Cats Run the Internet? A Scientific Explanation." The New Republic. Accessed May 6, 2015. http://www.newrepublic.com/article/politics/101283/cats-internet-memes-science-aesthetics.
2Knapton, Sarah. "Sound of Crinkling Tin Foil Can Cause Seizures in Cats - Telegraph." Telegraph.co.uk. Accessed May 6, 2015. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/11566131/Sound-of-crinkling-tin-foil-can-cause-seizures-in-cats.html.
3Lewis, Tanya. "Cats and Dogs May See in Ultraviolet." LiveScience.com. Last modified February 18, 2014. http://www.livescience.com/43461-cats-and-dogs-see-in-ultraviolet.html.
4Grimm, David. "Cat Intelligence and Cognition: Are Cats Smarter Than Dogs?" Slate Magazine. Last modified April 21, 2014. http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2014/04/cat_intelligence_and_cognition_are_cats_smarter_than_dogs.html.
5Markman, Art. "How Getting More Sleep Can Help You Solve Your Creative Problems | Business + Innovation." Fast Company. Last modified April 27, 2015. http://www.fastcompany.com/3045411/work-smart/how-getting-more-sleep-can-help-you-solve-your-creative-problems.
6Borchard, Therese J. "6 Ways Pets Relieve Depression." Psych Central.com. Last modified January 26, 2015. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/05/19/6-ways-pets-relieve-depression/.
7Paddock, Catherine. "Cat Owners Have Lower Heart Attack Risk, Study Medical News Today." Medical News Today. Last modified February 25, 2008. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/98432.php.
8Benjamin, Kathy. "8 Benefits of Being a Cat Owner." Mental Floss. Last modified June 14, 2001. http://mentalfloss.com/article/51154/8-benefits-being-cat-owner.
Questions & Answers
© 2015 FlourishAnyway
Comments
The bathroom thing about the tail is hailarious!!!
Cats are on top of the most favorite domestic animal lists. They also have something of their own which we can hardly understand. This hub is a great resource of what things we should understand so that our cat can have a good happy life with us. They also have lives and we seem to forget this fact at times which is not at all a good thing! By using the tips mentioned here we should apply them with our cats and build up a more intimate relationship with the very favorite pet of ours! After all they are no less than our family members!
Most humans who are fed and who have servants to clean their bathroom for them are either invalids and infants--the rich aren't most people. And besides the wealthy make a case in point if compared to pets. There is a case to be made that pets, especially pets that don't do much are the real top of the food chain.
By the way cat people, yes, I can smell your cat the second I walk in your door. Your friends don't tell you this because they want to remain your friends.
I love. Cate too,funny and quirky hub.
Absolutely love it! (BTW, I thought I was already following you, sorry, at least I am now.) The kitty in the video just kills me. My cat played dead to avoid learning to walk on a leash. We gave up. As for no. 7, cats are much better at trigonometry than humans. Have you ever watched one sit on the floor and calculate a rare angle to hop onto the top of a crowded table or your ironing board? Great and well-researched.
Love the pic with "Cats: The Audience In The Bathroom" - what a beautiful animal. Like all the pics though, and you've really captured the nature of the cat. Wouldn't be without my rescue girl!
I enjoyed this. The picture with the caption "WHOA! So that's where kittens come from!?!?" made me laugh out loud. Thank you for sharing.
A very unique hub that gave me lots to laugh about.
Awesome photos too. Thanks.
Funny,awesome and a great read! Everything you wrote about cat's behavior is so very true. We have a Siamese and Sophie is the greatest talker. She knows when its coffee time or dinner time, because that is her lap time. In between she drapes herself around my partner's neck when he is packing books for the courier. I have never heard of a Drinkwell or a Pet Fountain. Must find out if our pet-shop has such a product. Yes Sophie is the real boss in our home and she knows it!
I never really wanted a cat but our Banjo showed up one dark and stormy night, a half starved kitten who stole our hearts. I enjoyed this take on cats and found it so interesting that cat's faces resemble the faces of babies. That explains a lot!
I'm a cat lover and I sure love your article and pictures!
Oh, my dear God. this is so funny, and the way you write as if it is a cat talking to you. HAha. I do have a cat who is such smart. Great hub.
Aww Flourish I just wish I had a cat to get a feel of ... btw, I just have a dog and I sure do need a change. lol!
Loved reading this. You just made me want to keep a cat.
I love your writing Flourish. Voted up and funny. "Pee Happens" is hilarious but true. My hubbies uncle acquired his neighbors 'old cats'. They peed everywhere, destroyed the carpets. Apparently they get very incontinent when they are literally dying of old age. His naughty neighbor I guess didn't want the trouble of the poor things.
I love cats, they are so cute and intelligent. Enjoyed the hub. Excellent and so funny! Well done. Best Wishes.
Oh, Flourish...this is HOTD material and much more. What a wonderful sense of humor your writing shows! I use to have cats, can't have one now, gotta a mean dog. I miss them.
This is so cute and so true! I love both cats and dogs, they are so different in so many ways! Cats do have an attitude that you just don't find in dogs!
I don't have cats, but I loved this. It is so funny. Also it explains why I don't have cats. voted up++.
FlourishAnyway, what an enjoyable hub about cats. That cat playing dead in the video takes the cake. Thanks for this beautiful, enlightening and delighting perspective on cats :)
very informative and very funny.
This is pretty much entertaining I enjoyed it.
I read this hub to Annie my cat. She concluded that it passed her cat-jeopardy-test. But seriously I just adore the entire article. The videos, photos and content. Excellent! Purrrrrfect!
I only have one spoiled Min. Schnauzer. Whenever I want to have a good laugh, I do to a daughter's house. Her cat is very intertaining!!
You really took a lot of time to write this Hub, and included some awesome photos.
Voted this UP, and shared. Pinned to my pets board.
I love this hub. I'm a cat person, and love my cat who is so human. He acts like he understands everything, and although he loves me, he is crazy about my brother Ryan, and will do anything he tells him. He acts like a dog in a way because my brother even taught him to do tricks. He started using our toilet when he was a very young kitten, and I don't have to buy cat liter.
Great hub Voted up
"We're all like, "Bow down to me, b*tches." Now that made me laugh out loud. It's as if that is the supreme right of a cat to think highly of him/herself. None of that tail-wagging, you can treat me bad and I'll still love you nonsense. Sigh. A a cat is like a savvy girl after my own heart. She expects to be treated right---Damn straight.
BTW, Bay Bay is quite the handsome, dapper fellow. Voting up. This hub is so entertaining. I loved it.
I love this one. My daughter and I have had recent conversations about how cats think. She tells me they view us as big cats who aren't able to hunt very well, and not very good at what we're supposed to be doing. In other words, we're failures as cats.
This one is going on one of my cat boards.
This was such a great hub! It was so entertaining but also some great tips for cat owners! Upvoted and shared :-)
(Sorry for the delay in commenting! Had my comment all queued up yesterday and then *poof* browser crashes. Didn't want to duplicate my comment!)
This is soooo cute! After 2+ decades wrangling big dogs, I am so ready for cats as my "retirement" pets. :) Love all the adorable photos (especially of your own kitty-kins). Thanks for sharing the feline fun! Voted up, funny, awesome and beautiful!
“Not judging you…okay, maybe a little.” Yes – maybe just a little. I loved this super-funny and super-clever hub. My calico is fond of giving me the “what’s the big problem eyes” when I sternly remind her that she can’t jump up on the coffee table. I must print this out for her. Lol.
Cute and funny lowdown on these creatures that seem to be everywhere on Facebook. I try not to watch the videos but can't help myself. Cats can be really cool or not, depending on their mood. My aunt has a cat who is over seventeen years old and still loves drinking out of the bathroom water spigot.
Loved reading this although it touches a particular chord right now as we had to euthanize our pal Dusty who adopted us some 15 years ago. His feline pal Peaches...along with us...are missing him terribly. Both came to us as strays and have enriched our lives immeasurably.
I've always loved cats, and I'm certain that there are many things on your list that my kitties wished I knew! Enjoyed your very funny (and true!) hub! Oh, and do add Kitty Hawk, NC to your list of places!
Creative, interesting, balanced mix of serious and funny! Totally enjoyable and insightful. Great talent here!
Aww--I love kitties! And so, so funny! I so enjoyed this and am passing this around!
Hi Flourish. Hilarious hub. Sounds like we could learn a lot from our feline friends. We don't have a cat but our kids do and this hub describes them perfectly. Great job, have a great day.
This is another funny and very creative hub, Flourish! Thanks for the entertainment and for sharing the information and the cat photos.
I am a cat lover too. I think cats love laptop because it is warm
Im not a cat person, but this was a great hub.. I love the pictures too : voted up and shared Frank oh, and Happy mother's day to you if it applies :)
Cats! Can't be without one. They give so much to us, and don't really ask a lot in return, just to be warm, fed, and played with. :-)
Oh, how adorable and hilarious. I love cats. They are a constant amusement and possess great intelligence. Our George is very picky about his drinking water. Although we place fresh water in his bowl every morning, he wants to jump on the tub and drink it from the tub facet! LOL. So, we have to let it drip just for him to have fresh drinking water. He is not afraid of water and lets is run on his head too. He is the first cat we have that actually reclines when he get in the recliner with my hubby. LOL He's a trip. He loves outdoors now, though, and we worry about him being out and about, but so far he returns home.
Excellent article and we sure can learn tons from cats.
Up ++++ tweeting, pinning, G+ and sharing
Have a wonderful Mother's Day!
Love this hub and voted up! I have two cats and they rule the roost. Of course, I let them because I adore them. Their unconditional love for me is always a demonstration of how I can be with the people I come in contact with on a daily basis. Thank you for sharing. Blessings!
Wow! This was absolutely hilarious! I guess we really can learn a lot from cats. They've got such an attitude, and can be really "sassy" at times - but in the end, they're hard to ignore.
I have reason to believe that cats think that humans are the dumbest creatures on earth!
Mau-Mau, our resident terrorist so named after those of Kenyan fame, saw this and it (that's right) said it is a howl! It sleeps in the crook of my arm while I'm dozing off for a catnap.
What a wonderful and amusingly written article. Great work!
Internet divas? - I have the giggles.
This was such fun, Flourish! I laughed my tail off at the kitty that didn't want to walk on a leash. Too funny!
My cats love that I've gained weight. They think my belly is the perfect spot to rest and make dough. Ouch! One of my cats loves to lick my hair. Not a good mix when there's hair spray in it.
Being a cat lover, I really enjoyed this article. Your Bay Bay is a handsome little guy - so dapper in his shirt collar.
I'm echoing Bill's hilarious! I love cats, too, but have not had that many. Sorry but I prefer dogs (gasp, horror!). However, cats are fascinating and always rule the roost don't they? I remember going into a stranger's house once and feeling decidedly uneasy for no apparent reason. On looking around the sitting room, I spied, camouflaged against the cream leisure sofa, a Siamese cat, literally fixing me with its stare. I don't think it liked intruders; at least it certainly didn't like me!
Great hub; love the idea of the cat's perspective.
Ann
You forgot "My food bowl is empty. No really. Go check it. No, those crumbles at the bottom DO NOT COUNT AS FOOD. I need something fresh." We feed a lot of strays being on a farm and all... lately their complaint is, "A raccoon has been stealing our food." (Had to set up a game cam to prove this one. SIGH.)
Loved this hub! Voted up +++ all the way across. I love cats; we have "only" 7 of the darlings... ;-)
You have nailed their purrsonalities with a sharp claw! Our cats are our 'furry kids,' and our last remaining connection to sanity in this crazy world.
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