FlourishAnyway is a kick-butt Cat Lady. If she won the lottery, she would spay/neuter both homeless cats and all the cat haters.
Let's Have a Nose-to-Nose Conversation
Cats are compelling "philoso-furrs," extraordinary companions, and the most trusted of therapists, but they do have job stress of their own, you know.
It's time for a nose-to-nose conversation with your kitty, so pull up a lap and learn what cats are really thinking.
10 Things Your Cat Would Tell You if It Could
- Yes, you do look fat in those pants.
- Being a people person is so over-rated.
- What's a little pee between friends?
- Cats really do run the internet.
- There's a reason why I follow you to the bathroom.
- Sometimes even I feel like you need to get out more.
- There are few things that cannot be cured with a good nap.
- I'm smarter than most fifth graders and way cuter.
- There's nothing like a cardboard box for hours of entertainment.
- You need me as much as I need you.
1. Yes, You Do Look Fat in Those Pants. But Chubby Tummies Make for Better “Biscuits.”
You squeeze into last year's jeans and inch up that zipper, asking your significant other, "Do these pants make my butt look big?" But the mirror doesn't lie and neither, sista, do I. You're putting a serious hurtin' on those seams.
Call it fat, or call it fluffy. I just call it like it is, but don't you worry. Ain't no judgment between us friends. (Well, maybe just a little.) Chubby tummies make better "biscuits." I like the look and can just imagine kneading your doughy stomach with my paws right now.
2. Being a People Person Is So Overrated. You Understand That.
No one ever accused cats of being team players, and cat people understand that being a "people person" is much over-rated. Dogs reliably run to the door to welcome their masters home. They put up with so much human nonsense: playing fetch, leashes, obeying orders, and dressing up in Halloween outfits and Christmas sweaters.
Not so much with cats. We're divas, lone wolves, the kings and queen bees of the pet world. We're all like, "Bow down to me, b*tches."
Cats don't take orders; we give them. If we don't like something, we'll let you know. We can go all Greta Garbo on you in a minute if we think you have visitors, unless, of course, there's a cat hater among them. That's our call to action. We'll sit on their lap just to watch 'em squirm.
Admit it. Somewhere in you lurks an evil something that appreciates all of our people-particular, high and mighty nuances. That, my friend, is what makes our relationship click.
Are Cats Effective Team Players?
|A Strong Team Player . . .||A Cat . . .|
Is reliable and consistent; does his or her share of the work.
Reliably knocks items off your counter tops just to see you work.
Communicates positively, constructively and confidently.
Communicates volumes by yawning or turning his or her back to you.
Is flexible and adaptable to change.
Runs for cover when the doorbell rings. Even changes in the brand of kitty litter or food can send Kitty reeling.
Expresses respect for and commitment towards the team.
Rubs up against you to claim you as his/her property.
Considers the viewpoints of others.
Monitors your internet time by walking back and forth across the keyboard.
Shares information, expertise and experience.
Brings you dead animals as gifts because you're a terrible hunter.
Solves problems and focuses on solutions.
Sleeps an average of 15 hours a day (because no problem is worth losing sleep over.)
Read More From Pethelpful
3. What’s a Little Pee Between Friends?
Cats are the first to acknowledge that when there are major changes, we can come undone, become territorial. Being the creatures of habit that we are, sometimes pee happens. Out of the box. On that pile of dirty laundry laying on the floor. (Didn't someone tell you to pick it up anyway?) On the bathroom rug. Or up against a wall.
While we do appreciate your taking us to the vet to rule out medical problems like a urinary tract infection, the next best thing to do is just get some OdoBan and get over it. Seriously. What's a little pee between friends? And stopping changing things.
4. Cats Really Do Run the Internet.
Whether it's an adorable cat video, funny meme, or kitty eye candy, we cats dominate the internet, paws down. We'll never ask you to come outside and throw Frisbee. You don't even have to leave the comfort of your own couch unless it's to feed us. Instead, we beckon you to "like," "share," and simply stare and smile at us online.
Scientists suggest that humans' fascination with cats can be explained by felines' resemblance to human infants. We have dome-shaped noggins, large doe eyes, and tiny button noses that trigger the desire to nurture.1 (Ever wonder why so many cat lovers are women?)
But don't spend so much time online that you neglect your own four-footed wonders. Photos are wonderful, but stroking the downy underside of a cat you love is like touching the gates of heaven itself. That is until Kitty suddenly decides she has had enough affection and nips the hand that feeds her . . . then we just hope you got it on video.
5. There’s a Reason Why I Follow You to the Bathroom.
Do you want to know why I follow you to the bathroom?
You obviously know where my tail is. I flaunt it, swish it, slap it against the ground, or bristle it as a warning sign. There's certainly no hiding this important communication tool.
But what about you? I am perplexed why you have your tail on backward. (And some of you seem to hide yours completely.) This is one of life's great mysteries for us cats.
6. Sometimes Even I Feel Like You Need to Get Out More.
I get it that we're close companions, snuggle bunny bedmates, even lunch buddies. We spend an awful lot of time together, and sure, I enjoy it, too.
Sometimes, however, even I feel like you need to expand your horizons. Get out more. Make more human friends. How about just one? (And don't tell me you've never heard this before.)
7. I’m Smarter Than Most Fifth Graders and Way Cuter.
Let's face it. When it comes to superhuman abilities, cats are downright awesome. We can:
- hear in ultrasound2
- see in ultraviolet3
- fit through small openings, and
- (let's face it) we are clever as all get-out
Scientists have tried in vain to study cat intelligence. We frustrate their feeble attempts to understand us better because we won't cooperate with their petty tests.4 (Imagine that!) Let's just say that cats are smarter than most fifth graders and way cuter, too.
8. There’s Nothing Like a Cardboard Box for Hours of Entertainment.
Give a cat a cardboard box and you provide hours—if not days—of amusement and comfort. Cats aren't difficult to entertain.
Thus, instead of spending your hard-earned cash on a closet full of fancy cat toys and whirlygigs, why not rotate some cardboard boxes of various sizes through Kitty's world? Then, go ahead and spring for some catnip, ping pong balls, and a running water drinking fountain. She'll let you know what makes her happy!
Entertain Your Cat With These Inexpensive and Makeshift Toys
paper grocery bag
ping pong balls
toilet paper rolls
place catnip inside a lone sock and tie a knot in the end
walnuts in the shell
crinkle some aluminum foil into balls
plastic 2-Liter bottle caps
hot glue feathers onto a wine cork
9. There Are Few Things That Cannot Be Cured With a Good Nap.
There's nothing like a good nap to clear the mind, restore the body, and cleanse the spirit. Sleep confers important benefits. It
- improves concentration;
- clears the brain of toxins and;
- enhances learning, concentration, and creativity.5
Rather than teasing cats about our love of sleep, why not get a little more sleep yourself? It could be the difference you've been looking for.
10. You Need Me as Much as I Need You.
Since cats were domesticated nearly 10,000 years, we have offered humans dividends in the gift of health and companion benefits. Cats
- help ease levels of stress, depression, and anxiety;6
- lower your blood pressure;7
- decrease your risk of a heart attack or stroke by as much as 30%.
Research shows that sharing your home with a cat is the emotional equivalent of sharing it with a romantic partner.8 Cats are emotionally available. We listen without offering unwanted advice or criticism. We never say, "I told you so," and never demand that you change the channel.
If you snore, we'll consider it as loud purring. We overlook your morning breath even if it smells like the worst litter box ever because that's what real friends do.
In exchange, we need a safe, loving environment where we can reign supreme, with you always acting in our best interest from the time we're vulnerable kittens until we take our last ragged breaths, because that's also what real friends do.
Locations With Names Associated With Cats
- 1Stein, Perry. "Why Do Cats Run the Internet? A Scientific Explanation." The New Republic. Accessed May 6, 2015. http://www.newrepublic.com/article/politics/101283/cats-internet-memes-science-aesthetics.
- 2Knapton, Sarah. "Sound of Crinkling Tin Foil Can Cause Seizures in Cats - Telegraph." Telegraph.co.uk. Accessed May 6, 2015. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/11566131/Sound-of-crinkling-tin-foil-can-cause-seizures-in-cats.html.
- 3Lewis, Tanya. "Cats and Dogs May See in Ultraviolet." LiveScience.com. Last modified February 18, 2014. https://www.livescience.com/43461-cats-and-dogs-see-in-ultraviolet.html.
- 4Grimm, David. "Cat Intelligence and Cognition: Are Cats Smarter Than Dogs?" Slate Magazine. Last modified April 21, 2014. http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2014/04/cat_intelligence_and_cognition_are_cats_smarter_than_dogs.html.
- 5Markman, Art. "How Getting More Sleep Can Help You Solve Your Creative Problems | Business + Innovation." Fast Company. Last modified April 27, 2015. http://www.fastcompany.com/3045411/work-smart/how-getting-more-sleep-can-help-you-solve-your-creative-problems.
- 6Borchard, Therese J. "6 Ways Pets Relieve Depression." Psych Central.com. Last modified January 26, 2015. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/05/19/6-ways-pets-relieve-depression/.
- 7Paddock, Catherine. "Cat Owners Have Lower Heart Attack Risk, Study Medical News Today." Medical News Today. Last modified February 25, 2008. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/98432.php.
- 8Benjamin, Kathy. "8 Benefits of Being a Cat Owner." Mental Floss. Last modified June 14, 2001. http://mentalfloss.com/article/51154/8-benefits-being-cat-owner.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. It is not meant to substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, or formal and individualized advice from a veterinary medical professional. Animals exhibiting signs and symptoms of distress should be seen by a veterinarian immediately.
© 2015 FlourishAnyway
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on September 04, 2020:
Peg - I bet they are checking on your safety.
Peg Cole from North Dallas, Texas on September 03, 2020:
Many of those little cat faces look familiar as I imagine the treachery behind those doe eyes. Our Ring alarm goes of regularly from the visiting cats association with those who hang out under the hubby's truck. Sometimes they investigate the front porch, too.
Your cute article explains many of their unique behaviors.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on July 03, 2020:
Sankhajit - Glad you enjoyed this.
Sankhajit Bhattacharjee from MILWAUKEE on July 01, 2020:
interesting fact about cats....
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on June 25, 2020:
Shawindi Silva - Cats are pure heaven, although very independent little souls. When you get one be sure to have him or her spayed or neutered. It's essential.
Shawindi Silva from Sri lanka on June 22, 2020:
I didn't knew about the above things. It's my dream to have a cat as my pet. You gave me a great knowlede. I think it will help me to be good to my cat one day. Thank you....
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on June 22, 2020:
Mona - Oh my God. That sincerely breaks my heart that your dogs have killed multiple cats that you tried to love. I hope you are sweet to those cats from afar rather than trying to bring them into your home since your dogs will not co-exist with them. The best cat I ever had, my four-legged soulmate, was killed by a neighbor's pitbull who came up on our porch. I still grieve his death. He was like my son.
Mona Sabalones Gonzalez from Philippines on June 22, 2020:
I love all your cat photos. Also, you have made me (finally) an educated person about cats. Our dogs tend to kill the cats we try to adopt, I don't know why they do that. but they're friends with the cats across the street. I suspect they get territorial when it comes to cats at home.
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on April 29, 2017:
Gemini Descendent- Can't you just imagine them saying that? Mine want to know why I'm doing my business in a perfectly good water bowl.
GalaxyRat on April 29, 2017:
The bathroom thing about the tail is hailarious!!!
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on March 12, 2016:
breathing - I'm so glad you love cats as well. I was awakened this morning at 5 am by my orange cat, Simon, softly purring as he kissed at my face with the breath of cat food left over from the night before. When I didn't get up immediately he gently batted softly at my face then finally in desperation licked my underarms until I laughed like crazy and had to get up. They are funny and cute little companions.
TANJIM ARAFAT SAJIB from Bangladesh on March 11, 2016:
Cats are on top of the most favorite domestic animal lists. They also have something of their own which we can hardly understand. This hub is a great resource of what things we should understand so that our cat can have a good happy life with us. They also have lives and we seem to forget this fact at times which is not at all a good thing! By using the tips mentioned here we should apply them with our cats and build up a more intimate relationship with the very favorite pet of ours! After all they are no less than our family members!
FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on March 01, 2016:
Poetryman6969 - The awesome thing about cats is that they've trained us not to care and to put their needs above all! Smart little buggers! And cuddly too!
poetryman6969 on March 01, 2016:
Most humans who are fed and who have servants to clean their bathroom for them are either invalids and infants--the rich aren't most people. And besides the wealthy make a