Skip to main content

A Game to Help Dogs That Are Fearful of Men

Adrienne is a certified dog trainer and former veterinarian assistant who partners with some of the best veterinarians worldwide.

"Peek-a-Boo" game for dogs anxious around men.

"Peek-a-Boo" game for dogs anxious around men.

Among the many fears and phobias dogs may develop, fear of men can surely put a dent in the dog's overall quality of life as this can be a source of constant stress. After all, unlike other fears, this one can be quite challenging to avoid, unless the dog is led to live a lonely, secluded life in complete isolation.

Most likely, the fearful dog will meet men on walks, at the vet's office, or even, more disturbingly (from the dog's perspective) in the house whether the man is over for repairs or as a guest.

We know that avoidance will not teach the dog anything, but at the same time, we know that exposure causes the fear to pop its ugly head. So what's left to do?

We all wished there were quick fixes to make dog fears and phobias fade away, but unfortunately, changing behavior and its associated emotions takes time, especially since certain behaviors dogs engage in when facing their fears are quite reinforcing. Dogs commonly face their fears in two ways: by hiding or acting defensively.

Hiding is a highly reinforcing behavior as the dog feels immense relief when he moves away from the trigger. The sensation must feel similar to a person with a fear of flying when he or she decides last minute to refuse to board the plane. You can almost hear a loud sigh of relief.

Acting defensively, on the other hand, can also be equally reinforcing. The fearful dog often relies on this strategy when he's blocked or cornered. The lunging, barking and growling displays most likely cause the person to move away, or even better, leave. The dog feels relief when the person moves away, just as a person scared of mice does if he stomps his feet to scare the mouse away.

Because these behaviors are reinforcing, they are very fast in putting roots and repeating; therefore, soon a behavior pattern is established.


Helping Dogs Fearful of Men

There are two very powerful methods used both in humans and animals to help dogs conquer their fears. These methods are desensitization and counterconditioning. In desensitization, the source of fear is presented in a gradual, systematic, less threatening manner. So for instance, in the case of people scared of flying, they are exposed to a simulator so they can get used to airplane noises and learn relaxation techniques and better ways to cope with their fears.

In counterconditioning, positive associations are formed so that the fearful person associates them with the source of their fear, and their emotions about it can be changed. People scared of flying are often encouraged to bring along their favorite snacks on board, a great book or to start an interesting conversation with the person seated next to them.

When both methods are used in synergy, powerful results can be attained. Through desensitization, you get a good boost of confidence as you conquer your fears little steps at a time. At the same time, since the threat appears less threatening, you are better able to cognitively function so you're more open to learning coping skills and relaxation techniques. With counterconditioning, positive associations are made. So let's see now how these methods can be applied to dogs afraid of men.


  • First, you must determine what triggers your dog to react to men. Does your dog react only to certain men? All types of men? Tall men? Men with facial hair? Men with deep voices? Men who walk fast?
  • Second, you must determine when your dog reacts. When men look at your dog? When men talk to your dog? When men loom over your dog? When they come to your home? On walks?

You have to then make men appear less threatening to them and always work under their threshold. This means letting them see men from a distance, letting them hear recordings of men's voices, having men move more slowly and so forth. Full exposure to men (flooding) causes setbacks and potentially unsafe situations, don't let that happen!


  • You make great things happen when a man appears. What are great things for dogs? Most likely, food, play, praise and attention. All these good things must happen in context. That means, they only appear when the man is present.
  • When he leaves, all the good things must stop so it's crystal clear in the dog's mind that it's the man's presence that brings good things.

The Peek-a-Boo Game for Dogs Scared of Men

I came up with this game one day I had a dog boarding with us who started barking every time my husband (who assists me and supervises other dogs during their stays for boarding and training) would show up by the room to tell me something. Since the barking frenzy happened all the time in this context, I thought of trying to play "peek-a-boo." I recommend using a baby gate for safety. This is what I did.

  • Several times during the day, I would say "peek-a-boo!" followed by my appearance by the door and a tossed high-value treat the dog readily ate (treats that make a sound as they hit the floor work better)
  • After a while, the moment I said, "peek-a-boo" the dog would be looking at me for a treat. I knew by now that the dog had formed a positive association between the word "peek-a-boo" my appearance and the treat.
  • In the middle of this, I had my hubby stand out of view and say "peek-a-boo" instead of me, but I would be the one still peeking and tossing the treat.
  • At one point, in the middle of these "peek-a-boos," I would have my hubby do the peeking, with me saying "peek-a-boo" and him tossing the treat past the dog. Because of all the previous positive associations, and possibly, the fact that his behavior mimicked mine, the dog didn't react and ate the tossed treats.
  • Gradually, I made my husband's "peek-a-boo" appearances increase in frequency, but randomly, so the dog never knew when to expect me or my hubby. The dog though did have a split-second notice as the peek-a-boo came shortly prior to our appearance so we wouldn't catch him off guard causing him to startle.
  • At some point, I was able to make him appear several times in a row with him saying "peek-a-boo" and the dog never reacting.

Note: if a dog ever reacts during behavior modification, it's a sure sign that you're going too fast in the process. Take a step back and do some problem solving to figure out what you can do to prevent these setbacks. Increasing distance is often a good way to keep the dog better under their threshold. As in training, the saying "be a splitter not a lumper" applies to behavior modification as well.

Other Helpful Resources

A similar approach to the "peek-a-boo" game is suggested by Ian Dunbar in his answer to a question by a reader asking how to help her dog who hated men. He suggests inviting several female friends, letting them sit on the couch and train the dog to perform this sequence: "come, sit, kibble."

When the dog is called, he is asked to sit and he is hand-fed his kibble. Then at some point, male friends will be invited too. At this point, instead of hand-feeding though, it's better for the men to toss the food past the dog, so the dog can retreat when he gets it, as in the treat-retreat game.

This step is very important as it gives the dog relief but at the same time the opportunity for positive associations to be made. Don't let your dog fall into the approach-avoidance trap.

There are several other methods to help a dog who is fearful of men. One of my favorites is the "look at that" game (LAT) method coined by Leslie McDevitt. In this method, when the dog sees a man from a distance, he is fed tasty treats. Before moving into LAT though, I like to do some pre-LAT work by using the other dog's senses.

Another great method is Jean Donaldson's Open Bar, Closed Bar method, where the dog would be fed treats while the trigger appears (in this case when a man walks by) and the treats stop when the trigger disappears (in this case when the man leaves).

Note: Behavior modification for dogs comes with risks. To keep everybody safe, please consult with a force-free behavior consultant to help you out.

This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. It is not meant to substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, or formal and individualized advice from a veterinary medical professional. Animals exhibiting signs and symptoms of distress should be seen by a veterinarian immediately.

© 2016 Adrienne Farricelli


Adrienne Farricelli (author) on October 16, 2018:

Georgia, the same protocols using desensitization and counterconditioning apply. You may have to enlist though some helpers if you want to take a systematic approach. You should feed high value treats when these helpers approach, always at your dog's pace (ensuring your dog remains under threshold). Treats end when the male helpers leave. You can then move on to brief touches (while you feed treats) gradually increasing duration (although normally assistance dogs should not be pet when they are working, but we all know that people will always still want to approach and pet, and therefore best to be prepared for this). These execises can be broken down in smaller steps if the dog ever seems uncomfortable (male helper just approach as you feed treats, then treats stop when the person leaves, male helper then approaches and talks to you, while you feed treats, treats end when the helper leaves, male helper bends down, without touching while you feed treats, treats end when the helper leaves, male helper bends down and briefly touches, treats end when the helper leaves etc. Always gauge your dog' level of comfort and if a part of the sessions seems to make your dog umcomfortable, work back to a level that he is OK with and then gradually move forward. For correct implementation and safety, you may want to enlist the help of a dog trainer to assist you at least initially. Good luck!

Georgia on October 11, 2018:

can you help me?

we have a 2 year old jackhuahua and have had him since he was almost 2 months old. I have read so many pages and posts on how to get your dog over his fear of men but they all suggest activities/positive reinforcement inside the home. however our dog is not bothered about men once they enter the house and he sniffs them, after that initial meeting he wants to play with them. when we are out he will let young children stroke him and women are allowed to approach him but he is scared of men (and some larger more manly looking women). he is not aggressive just timid but once the initial stroking is done he is a little more relaxed but with the next man that approaches the cycle starts again. I am getting desperate as he just needs to get over this fear and he can become my assistance dog. I welcome any suggestions.

many thanks


Adrienne Farricelli (author) on June 30, 2016:

Karen Hellier, glad you found my tip helpful. Yes, such behaviors are very reinforcing to the dog, as they work and give the dog relief. Look up the "look at that dog" method and see if you can enroll a trainer in your area to help you implement it. It can help a lot, but I would avoid direct approaches with other dogs for now as she's doesn't ready for that level of interaction yet. Best wishes!

Adrienne Farricelli (author) on June 30, 2016:

Heidithorne, great to hear your local shelter has such a great interest in enrolling your hubby's help to help fearful doggies! My husband has been a great help so far as there are several dogs this way. Glad to hear your dogs are feeling better, best wishes for a great 4th to you as well and the doggies.

Karen Hellier from Georgia on June 30, 2016:

Very interesting information. My dog reacts strongly whenever another dog approaches her. Now I am thinking it's probably so she can feel the relief when the dogs gets scared by the barking of my dog and runs away. Thanks for the tip.

Heidi Thorne from Chicago Area on June 30, 2016:

When my hubby was interested in helping with training dogs at our area shelter, the shelter was thrilled. Why? Because they usually only attract female trainers and, as you note, dogs can be afraid of men.

Sometimes it is difficult, especially with rescues, to determine what causes dogs to be fearful of any stimulus, whether it's men, other dogs, kids, etc. Glad you've shared some training techniques for it, regardless of the reason for it.

BTW, I checked out some of your posts on upset stomach in dogs. Ours have been in a foraging frenzy the past weeks and it just caught up with our older girl. She's doing better with the bland diet.

Thanks for all the great dog info you share with us! Have a Happy July 4th!