Five Best Dog Breed Choices for Lazy People and Slackers
Slackers like me need something more in life than beanbags and a good hammock, so here's a list of excellent dogs for the lazy lifestyle.
(These dogs are the most likely to fit into a mellow lifestyle, but any dog—no matter how relaxed—will make you put down the video game controller every once in awhile and improve your quality of life. Think about it.)
1. Afghan Hound
This is the awesome first choice for a slacker. The Afghan really is a great dog and mellow enough to fit a laid-back lifestyle.
This breed has been kept as a guard dog, so it may not fit those who have a lot of people coming over at all hours. Slackers who don't deal will probably be fine.
They also are not the best dogs to be around little animals since a lot of times they just assume they are prey and are meant to be chased down and devoured. Hamsters and little poodles beware!
The main problem with this breed is the coat. The Afghan Hound takes a lot of time each day to comb it out and arrange the bangs in the latest hairstyle. If the slacker tries to save time by clipping the dog short it looks as ugly as a skinny old greyhound; if the slacker spends that much time combing every day he could be writing a new article or sitting in the hammock and thinking positive thoughts.
The other disadvantage of this breed is their size. They are really too big to curl up in a beanbag and are too awkward to stretch out on a hammock. I think they need their own couch.
The Afghan hound does have the honor of gaining last place in the intelligence scores. Every slacker who has barely managed to get through a creative writing class will appreciate that quality.
These dogs aren´t tall like the Afghan hound so they are better for slackers that are stuck in those apartments above the garage or in small basements. They come in all sorts of colors so most slackers can find a dog to match the furniture.
They are fast little canines but are usually quiet and content to lie around the house taking it easy. Unfortunately they need regular exercise and a chance to run loose so they are not the best choice for the slacker who wants to take it easy.
This dog is really skinny so they won´t make the couch sag and the best part about this breed is that they have almost no hair so they are easy to groom.
They are a lot better at agility courses than the normal obedience trials so if you have the desire to spend time with a dog they would be a good choice.
The whippet did not do nearly as bad as the Afghan hound on the IQ tests so they may not be the best dog on the list. I forget though.
No one agrees with me on this dog. This is a hound that hunts but he doesn´t bark like the others in that group and is okay in an apartment.
Basenji are originally jungle dogs so they more energy than some of the slacker dogs but because of its low intelligence scores can adapt quite nicely to a soft couch and a late wake up call. The intelligence list ranks dogs according to their willingness to respond to commands. As any slacker knows a command is only worth responding to if there is going to be a benefit.
Basenjis seem to understand this.
Slackers that keep bearded dragons or other cool reptile pets need to be careful of this choice. It usually bonds pretty well with people but will always consider anything else in the household fair prey.
This is one of the ancient breeds on the slacker list that also has the honor of making the slow-witted list. It was originally bred to hunt deer but now it will sit on the front porch and watch the world pass by. It is not one of the breeds that will fit in a small apartment and needs a large porch to sit on, preferably in the hill country where it can also keep an eye on any cultivation that may be going on.
This is a breed that can actually do some work on the slacker´s day off. It has a huge number of cells in the nose that it can use to pick up odors (about 4 billion compared to 5 million in the human) The slacker can use it to chase lost kids around the neighborhood, find lost objects around the house, or even search for car keys lost out in the fields when cultivating.
On second thought...
This is the ultimate slacker dog. Not to say there are not problems, since every breed has a little something that is not perfect, but this dog is as close as it gets. It is small, fierce as a bag of marshmallows, willing to live above a garage or in a basement with its owner, interested in going to work and lay around all day while the owner takes a nap or works on the computer, doesn’t eat a lot so the owner doesn’t have to worry about expenses, and if the slacker is not willing to spend the time on grooming he can give the dog a “puppy cut” and only brush the little beast as often as he is in the mood.
This little dog is also considered hypoallergenic, even though no such thing exists. This means that a slacker can lie to his friends and assure them that the dog will not aggravate their allergies. Maltese do not need a lot of exercise like some breeds and would just as soon hang out in the house and provide moral support to that slacker who is building a multi-million dollar internet company.
These dogs are no Afghans but they do rank near the bottom of the intelligence test. They are excellent pets.
Whatever breed you decide to choose as your slacker companion, be sure to spend a little time taking care of his health.
A large dog like an Afghan hound will not need much dental care but will need a lot of brushing and regular examinations at home and by your veterinarian. A small dog like the Maltese will need his teeth brushed daily and will benefit from regular examinations and grooming. They all need heartworm preventative, a good natural diet, and plenty of exercise.
And if any of your slackers are thinking of getting a new dog, check with your local animal shelter and Petfinder.com before you make a final decision. You may not find the breed you are looking for but there is almost always some dog that needs a good beanbag.
With any luck, he will be as smart as an Afghan.
Questions & Answers
© 2012 Dr Mark