Five Dog Breed Choices for Slackers

Afghan hounds thinking of going for a walk.
Afghan hounds thinking of going for a walk. | Source

Slackers like me need something more in life than beanbags and a good hammock, I thought, so here I am with a list of excellent dogs for the slacker lifestyle. These dogs do not guarantee the slacker a mellow lifestyle or a passive income but they will make you put down the video game controller and improve your quality of life.

Think about it.

Afghan Hound

Afghan hound being energetic.
Afghan hound being energetic. | Source

This is the awesome first choice for a slacker. The Afghan really is a great dog and mellow enough to fit a laid back lifestyle.

This breed has been kept as a guard dog so it may not fit every slacker lifestyle (Well, maybe only those homes that have a lot of people coming over at all hours. Slackers who don´t deal will probably be fine.)

They also are not the best dogs to be around little animals since a lot of times they just assume they are prey and are meant to be chased down and devoured. Hamsters and little poodles beware!

The main problem with this breed is the coat. The Afghan Hound takes a lot of time each day to comb it out and arrange the bangs in the latest hairstyle. If the slacker tries to save time by clipping the dog short it looks as ugly as a skinny old greyhound; if the slacker spends that much time combing every day he could be writing a new article or sitting in the hammock and thinking positive thoughts.

The other disadvantage of this breed is their size. They are really too big to curl up in a beanbag and are too awkward to stretch out on a hammock. I think they need their own couch.

The Afghan hound does have the honor of gaining last place in the intelligence scores. Every slacker who has barely managed to get through a creative writing class will appreciate that quality.

Afghan hound living up to his full potential.
Afghan hound living up to his full potential. | Source
Whippet guarding his home.
Whippet guarding his home. | Source


These dogs aren´t tall like the Afghan hound so they are better for slackers that are stuck in those apartments above the garage or in small basements. They come in all sorts of colors so most slackers can find a dog to match the furniture.

They are fast little canines but are usually quiet and content to lie around the house taking it easy. Unfortunately they need regular exercise and a chance to run loose so they are not the best choice for the slacker who wants to take it easy.

This dog is really skinny so they won´t make the couch sag and the best part about this breed is that they have almost no hair so they are easy to groom.

They are a lot better at agility courses than the normal obedience trials so if you have the desire to spend time with a dog they would be a good choice.

The whippet did not do nearly as bad as the Afghan hound on the IQ tests so they may not be the best dog on the list. I forget though.

This Whippet has decided to wake up but is not willing to get up and check out the noise.
This Whippet has decided to wake up but is not willing to get up and check out the noise. | Source
Basenj on duty.
Basenj on duty. | Source


No one agrees with me on this dog. This is a hound that hunts but he doesn´t bark like the others in that group and is okay in an apartment.

Basenji are originally jungle dogs so they more energy than some of the slacker dogs but because of its low intelligence scores can adapt quite nicely to a soft couch and a late wake up call. The intelligence list ranks dogs according to their willingness to respond to commands. As any slacker knows a command is only worth responding to if there is going to be a benefit.

Basenjis seem to understand this.

Slackers that keep bearded dragons or other cool reptile pets need to be careful of this choice. It usually bonds pretty well with people but will always consider anything else in the household fair prey.

This Basenji is off duty.Notice the difference.
This Basenji is off duty.Notice the difference. | Source
A Bloodhound wide awake.
A Bloodhound wide awake. | Source


This is one of the ancient breeds on the slacker list that also has the honor of making the slow-witted list. It was originally bred to hunt deer but now it will sit on the front porch and watch the world pass by. It is not one of the breeds that will fit in a small apartment and needs a large porch to sit on, preferably in the hill country where it can also keep an eye on any cultivation that may be going on.

This is a breed that can actually do some work on the slacker´s day off. It has a huge number of cells in the nose that it can use to pick up odors (about 4 billion compared to 5 million in the human) The slacker can use it to chase lost kids around the neighborhood, find lost objects around the house, or even search for car keys lost out in the fields when cultivating.

On second thought...

Do not expect any help from this dog.
Do not expect any help from this dog. | Source
The Maltese watching you work.
The Maltese watching you work. | Source


This is the ultimate slacker dog. Not to say there are not problems, since every breed has a little something that is not perfect, but this dog is as close as it gets. It is small, fierce as a bag of marshmallows, willing to live above a garage or in a basement with its owner, interested in going to work and lay around all day while the owner takes a nap or works on the computer, doesn’t eat a lot so the owner doesn’t have to worry about expenses, and if the slacker is not willing to spend the time on grooming he can give the dog a “puppy cut” and only brush the little beast as often as he is in the mood.

This little dog is also considered hypoallergenic, even though no such thing exists. This means that a slacker can lie to his friends and assure them that the dog will not aggravate their allergies. Maltese do not need a lot of exercise like some breeds and would just as soon hang out in the house and provide moral support to that slacker who is building a multi-million dollar internet company.

These dogs are no Afghans but they do rank near the bottom of the intelligence test. They are excellent pets.

Maltese are especially adept at sleeping on the couch.
Maltese are especially adept at sleeping on the couch. | Source

Whatever breed you decide to choose as your slacker companion, be sure to spend a little time taking care of his health.

A large dog like an Afghan hound will not need much dental care but will need a lot of brushing and regular examinations at home and by your veterinarian. A small dog like the Maltese will need his teeth brushed daily and will benefit from regular examinations and grooming. They all need heartworm preventative, a good natural diet, and plenty of exercise.

In desperate times, the Maltese will recline on the floor.
In desperate times, the Maltese will recline on the floor. | Source

And if any of your slackers are thinking of getting a new dog, check with your local animal shelter and before you make a final decision. You may not find the breed you are looking for but there is almost always some dog that needs a good beanbag.

With any luck, he will be as smart as an Afghan.

© 2012 DrMark1961

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Comments 14 comments

DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

Hey Michele great comment. If I had ever suggested that Aussies were a slacker dog I think the association would come after me with shearing clippers!!!! Porter sounds like a great companion.

Michele Nye profile image

Michele Nye 4 years ago from San Diego, California

Aussies are border collies in sheeps clothing!-:) Porter is from a show dog line and I can prove that Aussies can be slackers after the first few manic years by the number of photos I have of him asleep on the couch with a human. Wish I had a photo of me and him every time I give the command to "cuddle-monkey" with me. Despite what every article says about Aussies, he has always been an inside dog who follows me everywhere so even when I leave the door open so he can go spend time in the yard, his herding instinct says he must follow me to the laundry room. At seven years he is a great slacker dog, when I lie down, he joins me.

DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

Shaddie, that is a great description of a high maintenance slacker: "notoriously stubborn, easily bored, and decidedly destructive". Sounds like an excellent hacker dog! Is that the start of another hub???????

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 4 years ago from Washington state

Basenjis are possibly the worst dog for anyone who thinks they are getting a mellow animal. Basenjis are notoriously stubborn, easily bored, and decidedly destructive if left alone to their own devices. Some of the toughest dogs you'll ever meet, a slacker is the last word I would use to describe them.

DoItForHer 4 years ago

How 'bout a trained lab:

*In a sleepy, drunken slur* "Hey, Tucker. Go get me 'nother beer!"

Then while you are half passed out in your bean bag, the dog traverses a maze of mostly empty pizza boxes and generic beer cans to get your slightly soiled butt yet another beer!

Slacker heaven...

DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

Sorry buddybaker but labs are at the other end of the list and will never make the "slacker selection list". They are too energetic, reputed to be too smart, and want to instigate games when all a slacker feels like doing is reclining in the hammock. That is why a Maltese is so perfect.

buddybaker profile image

buddybaker 4 years ago

I love your pictures. I was curious about slackers. My yellow lab is anytbing but! I love all of your articles.

DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

That should move the bloodhound way up on the list. I think the other slobber dogs are way too energetic.

DoItForHer 4 years ago

The Slobber Factor, while actually more work, presents a great slacker image. Imagine a slacker with his hound both drooling in a sound sleep. Lol

wetnosedogs profile image

wetnosedogs 4 years ago from Alabama


that very well could be true about aussie's, but we got the chow down right.

I certainly won't tell my dogs they are sheep. They could be offended and my youngest, part lab, will surely go after them for her greedy meal!

DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

Hey dragonflyfla I liked your comment. Those dogs do look good in motion!

DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

I think the chow would be great but an aussie? Aren´t they just border collies in sheeps clothing?

wetnosedogs profile image

wetnosedogs 4 years ago from Alabama

aw, didn't mean to hurt your feelings about your other slacker hub. It really was quite good.

I love the bloodhound.

It will be interesting the breeds you pick for writers. (mine are chow and austrailian shepherd mix and lab and shepherd mix-those must be writer's breeds, right?)

dragonflyfla profile image

dragonflyfla 4 years ago from South Florida

Great article but I am going to have to disagree with on the Afghan hound being a slacker! I remember in my younger days chasing one of these through the neighborhood quite a few times. A friend of mine had one and he was so hyper, every time he got loose she would call us to help pin him down. :-)

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