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Understanding Dog Pain During Euthanasia

Updated on August 25, 2016
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Adrienne Farricelli is a former veterinary hospital assistant and now a certified dog trainer, behavior consultant, and author of dog books.

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The Dreaded Euthanasia Appointment

What causes pain during a dog's euthanasia appointment? It's the day all of us dog owners dread, a time we all wish our pets will leave planet earth in a peaceful, pain-free way. They say euthanasia is the ultimate gift of love, the gateway to a place with no more pain and suffering. We imagine our dogs' tired and aching bodies healing and our dogs frolicking over the rainbow bridge. Yet, there are some very rare circumstances, where the euthanasia appointment turns out not being as peaceful as expected. And no, it wasn't the occasional, expected muscle twitch or a sigh to cause concern. Owners report that their dog's pupils dilated and their dogs acted out in sheer terror, panicking and screaming in pain. This is a hub that is not pleasant to write about, but I hope it offers some closure to those who wonder what happened to their pets in their last moments. I also hope it can help those in the process of making this decision understand that there are options to make the procedure more comfortable for pets.

Of course, there is no way to ultimately know what may have exactly happened, as there are several possibilities. Asking the vet, may ultimately be the most appropriate action as he or she may be better able to determine what caused the reaction. Some vets may attest that this has happened in the past and may have some theory as what may have gone wrong, while others may be as shocked as the owners and may be unable to provide a reasonable explanation. I know of many owners though that didn't feel like questioning the vet, either because at the moment they were overwhelmed with sadness or they didn't want to look as if they were blaming their vet for their dog's painful passing. I know of several dog owners who go home, and cannot get the last images of their dog's passing leave their mind as they wonder if their dog was really in pain, if it was perhaps some odd reaction to the drugs or if their dogs was simply just anxious. While mourning a pet is already an overwhelming situation, mourning a pet that has seemingly suffered during what was expected to be the end to pain and suffering, must be very difficult to go through. I can't imagine how it must feel. This hub will hopefully offer some clarity.

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Does euthanasia cause a heart attack?

Many people believe that euthanasia stops the heart, causing something similar to a heart attack. This is far from true, explains veterinarian Cherie Buisson. Pentobarbital works by triggering unconsciousness which stops brain function. Because the brain is what tells the heart and lungs to work, when the brain stops functioning, the respiratory center is depressed, breathing ceases and the heart stops pumping. The pet is unconscious, so it's more like dying when being under anesthesia on the surgery table than dying from a heart attack.

Are Dog Euthanasia Appointments Painful?

The euthanasia appointment should be quite a quick, for the most pain-free process. Those who have read my hub about the dog euthanasia process or other articles have heard that it consists of an injection of of pentobarbital, a liquid barbiturate which was formerly popular for being used as a pre-anesthetic. Because this drug is given in an overdose amount, it has the power to put the dog to sleep as if undergoing anesthesia, but in this case, it will cause death by cardiac arrest. The term "put to sleep" is therefore used to depict its similarity with going under anesthesia, the only difference is the dog won't ever wake up from it.

For the most part, the dog euthanasia process is quite peaceful and pain free. I remember the first time I assisted a dog euthanasia appointment, the owner was holding and hugging the dog, and when he said goodbye-- I just remember it as yesterday, he came out of the room teary eyed and hugged his wife who waited outside and told her as he cried: "It was so peaceful." As I continued working for the clinic, and later, volunteering to assist vets, I could hardly tell the difference between a dog that was put under for surgery and a dog that was put to sleep, if it wasn't for the fact that a dog put under had an endotracheal tube in its mouth and was hooked up to beeping monitoring machinery.

Now, there were some times where the pet wasn't much comfortable, but for the most part, these were pets who didn't like going to the vet in the first place, so it was normal to see them anxious and vocalize if they were restrained or pricked with a needle. Even sickly, lethargic pets seemed to come to life, with a last burst of energy to fight the needle. But this was mostly lasting for the prep time only, then as the euthanasia drug took effect, these pets quickly were gone within seconds and you could almost palpate the pet's relief from days of suffering. So are euthanasia appointments painful? Let's see what vets have to say...

Veterinarian Paige Garnett explains how the term euthanasia derives from the Greek terms "eu" meaning good and "thanatos" meaning death. The goal is therefore to cause a death that is without pain or distress. He explains how pentobarbital is fast acting causing minimal discomfort to the pet other than the needle prick. Once injected into the vein, the barbiturate depresses the central nervous system, removing awareness and causing the animal to fall into a state of unconsciousness similar to anesthesia. In this state of deep anesthesia, within seconds the animal stops breathing and succumbs to cardiac arrest.

Veterinarian Chris Bern confirms that most euthanasia appointments go very smooth and quickly with the pet passing on to better life within 10-20 seconds. In some cases though of very sick and debilitated pets with poor circulation, the process may take a bit longer. Generally, according to the Humane Society of the United States Euthanasia Reference Manual, after 5 seconds the pet is unconscious, within 10 seconds the pet is in deep anesthesia, within 20 seconds the pet stops breathing, within 40 seconds the heart has stopped circulating blood, and finally, within 2 minutes the pet is clinically dead meaning that all voluntary/involuntary functions have ceased even though you may still stumble on the occasional muscle twitch

Yet, if the euthanasia appointment is so quick and peaceful, why are there cases of pet owners reporting their pet started screaming as if terrorized or in pain? Why are they unable to sleep thinking about their pet's final moments? And why are some vets unable to give a reasonable explanation? In the next paragraphs, we will look at what some vets have to say about these euthanasia procedures gone wrong.

Dog Euthanasia Appointments Gone Wrong

There are horror stories of dogs dying during flights and horror stories of dogs dying because they ate a food that was tainted. And then there are horror stories of dog euthanasia appointments gone wrong. What do these episodes have in common? Some of them are quite normal occurrences, but several are not the norm, and some are a sign of something going wrong. Luckily, these incidents are quite rare, but let's try to get a grip, at least a possible explanation as to why a dog's final moments were not as peaceful as expected. Following are possible explanations.

Was your pet anxious?

In some cases, as mentioned before, pets may be stressed and agitated when at the vet or when pricked with a needle. These animals may make the procedure difficult by moving excessively, making it difficult for the vet to find the vein and inject the solution. These animals may struggle and vocalize, but usually this happens before the injection is given. Once the shot is successfully given, these pets drift into sleep and pass on. These are animals that for the most part have a history of not liking to go to the vet to begin with, so their behavior has nothing to do with feeling pain because they are being put to sleep, they simply would have behaved the same way whether they were getting their yearly shots or some other procedure done. Of course, we all wished our pets final moments were peaceful, but some pets are anxious and easily stressed by nature. If you own a pet like this and are concerned about the final day, read on as there are some options to make the final day less stressful.

Was your pet in pain?

If your pet was already in pain and suffering, he may have vocalized from the pain of his condition. For instance, a dog with severe arthritis, may yelp when his leg is moved to inject the solution, or for a dog with cancer even just moving may be too much pain. Luckily for these pets, euthanasia is often quick and they will soon be on their way to a pain-free world.

Were your dog's veins hard to find?

In some cases, the veins may be difficult to deal with. For instance, dogs who are dehydrated, have low blood pressure or are very old and sick may have constricted veins that are difficult to find or that may collapse when poked. Repeated attempts to prick the vein only aggravate the situation, causing some dogs to resent being handled, vocalize and put up a fight. At times, these dogs will need to be forcibly held down and restrained, which makes the last moments less peaceful than expected. In severe cases, the vet may opt for deep unconsciousness followed by an intraperitoneal (into the abdomen) or intracardiac (directly into the heart) final injection which is considered humane in an anesthetized pet.

Did your dog react to the sedative?

Many veterinarians administer sedatives before giving the pentobarbital injection. These sedatives can be given under the skin, in the vein or in the muscle. Most vets use tiny needles. The purpose is to relax the pet or even cause unconsciousness before the euthanasia solution is injected. The sedative effects may take up to 20 minutes to kick in. When the sedative is given, after a few minutes some dogs may move their head side to side, the eyes may appear glazed and the dog may appear dizzy or confused.

Veterinarian Mary Gardner explains that under sedatives, some dogs may get loopy and lose control of some functions. She claims "When you get 'sedation' - you (and pets) can get loopy and you lose control of some functions. Some dogs can bob their heads. As a vet - I hate this... NOT because the dog is anxious or feeling scared... but because the OWNER is scared. I know medically - the pet is fine.. but sometimes there are no words of comfort I can give the owners. "

There are several pre-euthanasia drugs vets may use. The best ones are anesthetics, that cause the dog to lose consciousness, just as when you go under surgery. One of the most preferred is what is called called a "pre-mix", a combination of the drugs xylazine and ketamine. These drugs though may cause a stinging sensation when administered intravenously. Telazol ( tiletamine and zolazepamis) is another preferred drug that causes loss of pain and consciousness, and stings less than pre-mix.

Some vets may choose to use sedatives instead of anesthetics but the main disadvantage is lack of pain relief and no loss of consciousness. For this reason, their use is less preferable than the anesthetics. Examples of sedatives are acepromazine and xylazine and they should be ideally be used with anesthetics to lower the chances for reactions. For more on these drugs, see The Humane Society of the United States Euthanasia Reference Manual

And then there are dogs who develop unsightly reactions and side effects to the sedatives. For instance, some dogs may develop seizures as a reaction to "pre-mix." Dogs aren't conscious when they have seizures. Some vets prefer Telazol because there are less chances for seizures. Acepromazine may cause visible balance issues, seizures, excitement and even 'paradoxical reactions' such as aggression. Any animal or human can develop these side effects. Not to mention the fact that since these drugs are given intramuscularly (in the lumbar muscle along the spine or the large muscle of the rear thigh) they tend to sting, but if injected slowly or as an IV injection the chances are lower. Luckily, the pain/reactions/side effects are temporary until the final injection is given.

Did the solution go outside the vein?

If the euthanasia solution is accidentally given outside the vein, it could cause a burning sensation. This occurs because the solution is thick and very caustic to the body's tissues and is meant to go inside a vein. How does it end up going around the vein? Just Answer veterinarian alhdvm theorizes that a vet may be injecting the solution and then the dog moves (but not necessarily has to) and soon there's a hole causing the solution to go around the vein instead of inside. This may cause the dog to cry out in pain. If the screaming reaction happens right after the injection starts, this is most likely the scenario. If instead the vocalization starts after most of the solution has already gone in the vein, there are more chances something else may be going on such as some type of "hallucination".

Another possibility is that the pet simply feels the solution. Just like people "feel" the liquid going in their veins when they are getting IV medications or fluids, dogs may feel the solution often simply because it's not the same temperature as their blood supply and it may feel "odd" to them, explains veterinarian Mary Gardner. Therefore, to an animal this can be quite frightening as they don't know what is happening to them; whereas, us humans can rationalize the happening and reassure ourselves.

* Note: according to Petmd none of these drugs causes an “awake” form of paralysis.

Did your dog react to Pentobarbital?

As with all drugs, dogs may have a slightly abnormal reaction to the euthanasia solution. Let's remember that the euthanasia solution is an overdose of anesthesia. If we look at the different stages of anesthesia as described in the Euthanasia Reference Manual, we will see that there are brief excitement phases characterized by loss of voluntary motion. Because the euthanasia solution is an overdose and takes effect quickly, the stages aren't pronounced as in the case of anesthesia, but they may occasionally pop up, such as in older, sick dogs with poor circulation. In such dogs it may take longer for the injection to take effect and the process may be more pronounced.The sight though is more distressing to the owner than it is to the dog who most likely has lost consciousness and isn't even aware of its behavior. Even humans may act out in odd ways during anesthesia, and they won't recall the event as they were unconscious at the time.

Did your dog have normal reflexes?

Finally, when death occurs, it's normal for some reflexes to take place. Most vets will warn about these. The dog may twitch, gasp, take a final deep breath or vocalize. Some pets may urinate and defecate. Older and sicker pets may engage longer in unconscious breathing. These are normal reflexes that take places as well in natural death, explains Dr. Cherie Buisson. A reflex is not a sign of pain. To the untrained eyes these may appear as proof that the pet is suffering and "fighting for its life" but in reality, these are unconscious, voluntary responses.

Veterinarian Cherie Buisson has her own heartwarming versions of the meaning of such reflexes. She explains that twitches are just like hiccups and the dogs' body way to get rid of energy, heaving breathing is "where they hit the Rainbow Bridge running” and lip twitches are the pups' smiles once they get there. She claims that her clients "love hearing that their dog is at the rainbow bridge smiling."

How to Minimize the Chances for Negative Experiences?

As seen, in many cases, the euthanasia appointment is more disturbing for the people witnessing it than the dog. As humans, we often tend to humanize things and interpret them from our standpoint, rather than a scientific manner. We think "the dog is fighting for its life" when in reality all that the dog is doing is undergoing natural, involuntary reflexes us humans go through as well during the process of dying. Yet, there are a few steps you can take if your goal is to have your dog dying "peacefully"--even though things can't be granted as some reactions cannot be controlled completely. Here are a few tips:

  • Euthanize at Home

Some pets get distressed at the vet's office. Even just driving there can be enough for causing stress in sensitive pets. They may have had unpleasant procedures done in the past or simply resent being handled/restrained by strangers in a small room. At home euthanasia may be a viable options for pets who dislike the vet's office and all the negative connotations that have accumulated throughout the dog's life. There are several vets willing to come to your home if you want your pet euthanized at a place he feels more comforted and less stressed. Consider though that if your dog disliked the vet being anywhere around him, he may still be somewhat stressed. Another option some vets offer is euthanasia in the trunk of your car, especially if your pet has mobility problems.

  • Ask for an IV Catheter

As simple as it may sound, asking for an IV catheter can really make a difference. Here are 2 main advantages: 1) it prevents the dog from having to be repeatedly stuck with needles, 2) it ensures the solution goes all in the vein preventing it from going around it causing the unpleasant sensations mentioned above. Most vets will take the pet to a back room to insert the catheter. Once the catheter is in place, good vets will flush some saline solution to ensure it flows well before bringing the pet back in the room and injecting the euthanasia solution. However, it's also true that some dogs hate having IV catheters placed. Some vets will work out a compromise by giving the first shot and then placing the IV catheter so they won't struggle or feel pain as they would when wide awake.

  • Ask for Anesthetics

If you want your dog unconscious for the procedure, ask your vet if he uses anesthetics. Anesthetics are much more preferred over sedatives or nothing because they make the pet completely unconscious and it "may" reduce the chances for witnessing neurological episodes and muscle spasms, which as we have seen are involuntary reactions and not a sign of pain or a dog "fighting for its life."The two injection approach, which consists of an anesthetic followed by the euthanasia solution is considered more peaceful to both veterinarians and pet owners. Just Answer veterinarian Dr Karen claims "I think many vets do use a pre-sedative because we are trying to avoid the shock of an owner seeing a dog react that way. However stressful these behaviors are, they are not secondary to pain. It was more neurological in nature than a reaction from pain." Yet, there are times where every animal should be treated as an individual case, and some vets may prefer to bypass the two injection approach and go straight to the euthanasia solution.

  • Be Prepared

Most vets will take the time to explain what happens during the euthanasia process, but some may be rushed and fail to clarify some important subtleties, which leads to owners getting upset when they witness neurological responses. Some weren't aware their pet's eyes would stay open and were disappointed by it. In reality, even when a pet is put under for surgery, the eyes remain open. Indeed, when pets undergo surgery, vets use lubricant eye drops to prevent them from drying out too much. If the sight of your pet's eyes being opened bothers you, ask to be away when the pet is put to sleep and return when the procedure is done, asking your vet to close the eyelids.

Acknowledging what happens and acknowledging things that may go wrong is helpful. That way if things go well, you'll likely think ""Is that it? That was very quick and peaceful!" and if things don't go very well, at least you know what may likely have happened so those last moments won't haunt you day after day as you wonder if your pet suffered. Truth is, the death of out pets is never pleasant to witness, but it's far better than suffering day after day, and most of all, our dogs will be eternally thankful for this last gift of unconditional love.

Are you tormenting yourself, wondering if you did the right thing? read this comforting letter: Thank you Annie, a letter from an old furry friend.

Alexadry©All rights reserved, do not copy.

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    • dearabbysmom profile image

      dearabbysmom 3 years ago from Indiana

      A hard, but comforting read for the many who have had to put on these shoes. When it was time for my own 16 y/o Aussie, I had to trust the vet who afterward said we had made the right choice (I don't think they want to say beforehand...want it to be the pet parent's decision). This hub will find its way to someone who needs it at just the right time. Voted up.

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      A crying former dog mama 2 years ago

      I took my dog to the vet hospital for euthanasia.... It was the hardest depiction of my life. My dog was 17 years old and had a progressed bladder cancer. The tumor was already huge , interfering with defication and urinating. I kept my dog on trance dermal tramadol for comfort for some time. But then a day came when I thought I had to help my dog, as her days were almost over. She was showing signs of pain more and more often... Crying. The euthanasia didn't go as peaceful as I thought. First of all, my dog though at first being comfortable after the first shot, suddenly woke up and started crying. The vet gave her iv any way.... She seemed to calm down again, but still though motionless, she was giving short cries and head twitching.... The ved said it was natural, but now in after thought, I can't stop blaming myself for letting my dog go through this. I understand that the alternative might have been worse and her inevitable natural death might be much more painful..... Still......

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      Adrienne Janet Farricelli 2 years ago from USA

      I am so sorry things went this way, but you are right that things could have gone far worse if she was left to die from the painful cancer. I am sure that if dogs are really watching us from the above, your dog would understand that your wish was to free her from the inevitable pain and suffering a blocked bladder and colon can cause. You did the right thing. Sending you my deepest condolences.

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      A crying former dog mama 2 years ago

      Yes, thank you very much for your response. I am sure my dogie will forgive me.... It's me myself who cannot let my guilt go.... Probably, I just have to remind myself constantly that even with less than a minute of evident discomfort during euthanasia (though it seemed like an eternity), still her suffering was less than what she was going through every day, even with Tramadol helping a lot. I am just wishing I'd let her be with me a day or more yet.... Well, I suppose, I better regret that I did it a couple of days too soon, than regretting that I let the pet suffer those couple of days.

    • alexadry profile image
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      Adrienne Janet Farricelli 2 years ago from USA

      Also, consider that what may have seemed pain to you, may have been normal reflexes, ie the head twitching you mention. Have you read the article at the end of the hub called "a letter from Annie?" If not, I am posting the link here:http://www.petmd.com/dog/care/evr_dg_letter_from_a... Your dog was blessed with 17 years of love, care and fun, rest assured she will be grateful for this last gift of kindness and being spared from further pain.

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      Margaret Yates 2 years ago

      When my first dog was put to sleep it was very quick, painless and peaceful so I thought it would be the same for Maddie, my beautiful, 10 year old chocolate lab. The vet said that putting her to sleep would be a kindness as she suffered with hip displasier and needed surgery on her back leg that was making it very difficult for her to walk, she was in pain and the chances of the surgery going well was 50.50 and would cause her even more discomfort, pain and stress. Weighing it all u we agreed to let her go. She was taken nto a little room at he back of the surgery and was made comfortable on a little bed. I sat down beside her and huged her, I was crying and just kept kissing her and telling her" its ok " but after three injections she was frantic, fighting and crying, it just wasn't working.. The vet said she would have to sedate her as she couldn't manage as Maddie was so distressed so she left and came back with a sedative... Still fighting which seemed like for her life and still crying she was sedated and eventually fell asleep and then the final injection was administrated and she died in my arms... I feel as though I have let her down so badly, all her life I have tried so hard to save her from pain and suffering, that's why I made the decision to end her suffering but instead she died crying, frightened and stressed.. not what I was expecting at all ... I can't forgive myself for putting her through this as she died and can't get the image out of my mind... I can't sleep as all I think about is her and am constantly crying

    • alexadry profile image
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      Adrienne Janet Farricelli 2 years ago from USA

      Margaret, I am so sorry to read your ordeal at the vet's. Unfortunately, as you can see, even from my previous posts, this isn't totally uncommon. A Google search will bring several cases similar to yours. It's one of those things we do not have control over, nor do the vets. As you already witnessed once, the appointment should be peaceful and the dog should drift into an anesthesia-like sleep. I can assure you that most appointments indeed go peacefully as I have assisted many euthanasia appointments. You put your dog to sleep in hopes and good faith that the same experience as with your previous dog would repeat. Please don't blame yourself as this is something not under your control. I know it will be tough to stop playing back those last images, but think about your dog, are these the memories Maggie wants you to think about? I am sure she would understand that you and the vet meant well and she would likely lick your tears off your face and tell you to cherish instead all the wonderful memories of all these years you spent together!

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      jjwindham 22 months ago

      I had to relieve my 2-year-and-3-month old Australian Cattle Dog, Pepper's, suffering last Monday. She had a genetic metabolic disorder that had caused atrophy in multiple areas of her brain. My happy, energetic, playful dog had gradually become frightened, lethargic, and almost blind. On Monday morning, she had a seizure/panic attack for 3 hours where she thought everything was attacking her. She didn't seem to even recognize us. The vet said it would continue to progress. I could not let her live like that. The vet did not give an anesthetic or sedative and said that a muzzle would be required for a dog who has seizures. The needle went in her front leg fine, but halfway through the injection, Pepper panicked. The needle came out of her leg causing it to bleed. They had to restrain her, pretty much choking her, and put the needle in her other front leg. Once it was in, she went limp, and I had a few seconds while she was unconscious to tell her I'm sorry and how much I love her. I am so sad for her that she had to go through that. She was such a sweetheart. I wonder if she would have been screaming if she had not being wearing a muzzle.

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      Adrienne Janet Farricelli 22 months ago from USA

      I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your girl. From your description, it seems like your dog panicked from feeling the injection. Consider that the same thing could have happened with any regular injection such as giving shots, fluids or medications. Even though she panicked, also consider that it was just moments compared to the 3 hour panic attack episode you described. I know it is tough to let go of these last final bad memories, but consider that now she's at peace and no longer dealing with this horrible disease you describe. Sending you my deepest condolences.

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      jjwindham 22 months ago

      Thank you so much for your encouragement. It was certainly not the most peaceful situation. I was there with her trying to console her while they were restraining/choking her. I do hope she didn't think I had turned on her or was trying to cause her pain.

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      Nancy Mitchell 22 months ago from Bend, OR

      I wish we had scheduled a euthanasia for our Corgi, but my husband was hoping he'd die peacefully and naturally. Unfortunately, my husband was out of town when our Corgi started having seizures. My son and I took him to the emergency pet hospital and they euthanisized him. They did a superb job and were kind and compassionate. However, it would have been much better if my husband had been there and we were with our regular vet. Best to plan ahead -- less traumatic and more intentional. Excellent hub.

    • alexadry profile image
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      Adrienne Janet Farricelli 22 months ago from USA

      I am so sorry to hear about your dog having a seizure and being have to be put to sleep, my family went through something similar a couple of years ago with my cat. She took a turn for the worse in the night, and no vets were open at 2 AM in Italy. Sadly, she passed away at home in the wee hours of the morning. I am glad you were actually able to take your dog to the vet and found a compassionate vet and staff. I wished my family could have done the same with our cat, but sometimes with our best intentions things don't work out as we want.

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      Diann 8 months ago

      I had my beloved Corgi put down yesterday and it was horrible. She twisted, turned and screamed in total fear. I have had to have other pets put down and it always went so peaceful. I hope that she can forgive me but I will never forgive myself for putting her through the hell that she went through.

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      Paulette 6 months ago

      We had to make the very difficult decision to put down our15 year old Pembroke Corgi, Milton. He could not longer walk and we did try medication but it only offered temporary respite. He developed painful sores which I had to debris and he panted in pain. His quality of life was so diminished. My husband and I argued about what to do because he still had his spirit but his body gave out on him. Our vet was amazing and she tried everything she could to help prolong his life. She did not want to put him down as well but we finally had to face the inevitable. It was such a hard experience. I had put down my previous family corgi and he passed quickly but Milton would not die and the vet was upset about it. She had to get a vet tech and administer more medication. I knew when they put the sedative in that he was in more pain than I realized and weweredoing the right thing. I saw him finally relax and be free of pain. I feel so much guilt in putting him down because his spirit was so strong and it was like he did it want to pass on. I feel like I tricked him and made him leave before he was ready to go. My husband and I still wonder if we did right by him. It was harder that he would not pass away and the vet had to administer additional mediciation. I asked her why he would not pass away and she said because he was so sick and his circulation was weak. I am not sure if she told me this to make me feel better or I feel he suffered.

    • alexadry profile image
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      Adrienne Janet Farricelli 6 months ago from USA

      Dear Paulette, I think your vet is right as I have witnessed some pets not "absorbing" the euthanasia drug as they normally should due to circulatory problems. I am so sorry about your loss and you are struggling about your choice. We all love our dogs and do what we think is best for them. This may help you feel better. http://www.justanswer.co.uk/veterinary/7y6bj-dog-p...

    • BerniesMom profile image

      BerniesMom 5 months ago

      On some days, I was glad he was still beside me and other days I felt like a horrible person for allowing his suffering to continue.

      On that dreaded day at the vet, my Bernie Bear "fought to live." Those were the vet's exact words. Why didn't I take it as a sign?

      All he wanted was to be with me. For 17+ years, almost half my life, that was his priority.

      And, I always told him that he had nothing to worry about as long as I was there. I told him that I would always take care of him and keep him from harm. I would do everything in my power to reduce any kind of discomfort or anxiety... because he was my baby boo... He helped me through so many tough times and I owed him my life... the least I could have done was continue taking care of him, making sure he was comfortable and felt safe.

      I had given him 1/3 of a sedative that morning but he still had an appetite for the pancakes I made for him... and then the peanut butter and ice cream I gave to him before his appointment. He was tired but he must have felt safe because I was there. He pulled at the pancakes from my hand and didn't want to share any with his little sister. I should've considered that as a strong case for not keeping the vet appointment.

      WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH ME, WHY DIDN'T I KEEP MY PROMISES TO MY SWEET BABY BOY?!

      He was still calm while at the vet because (of course) he had nothing to fear... not with his momma holding him.. I promised to protect him and keep him safe but instead I was holding him down while allowing someone else to murder him. I remember almost screaming over and over again that it was okay and that I loved him.... he vocalized and closed his teeth around my finger... I told him that he could bite me as hard as he needed but then I had to pull that finger away and then I had to pull my thumb away because it was hurting as his teeth cut into my skin... another sign... He was trying to say, "No, momma. This isn't right. Don't do this."

      If we had done a trial run first, I would have surely changed my mind.

      All he wasnted was to be with me.

      Every day and every night, he wanted to be beside me, leaning against me as I tapped away on my laptop..... So what if he wasn't always himself, he wasn't aware of anything during those times, probably so it wasn't causing him any detriment. And his legs weren't always working for him, causing him to fall down repeatedly. .. each time he fell, he would cry out a kind of bark in my direction to let me know that he needed help getting up, again.

      Still, no reason to kill him.... I've read that pinched nerves is what causes it so it's not like he was experiencing physical pain. He was frustrated with falling down a lot but as long as he could handle it, I should've also handled it for as long as needed. He had already been mostly blind and deaf for years yet he totally adapted. No matter how many times I changed my room around to accommodate him, either with the placement of steps or a ramp, extra pillows, .. foam padding glued to the bottom 2 feet of my bedroom walls... .he didn't even give attitude about wearing diapers... and most times, he stood completely still for me so that I could sufficiently clean him and change him.

      All my physical problems, he seemed to take for himself.. my bladder, my spinal injuries... I rarely if ever left the house... and all those times over all those many years, he didn't complain. He was the most precious baby and I think he relied on me and loved me almost as much as I did him. He never would have hurt me deliberately like that... . what is wrong with me... I don't feel as though I will ever forgive myself... It's been 2 weeks and I cry several times all throughout the day. He may be in a nice place with no pain but then again, he may have ceased existence in every way because of me. I needed him but I thought I was doing him the biggest favor... but I think he would've prefered that I just allowed him to choose when.... and until then, it was my obligation to not terminate any function of his little body and surely not to take his last breath.

      I buried him outside my bedroom window... and all I think about is that my little baby is helpless ... he's laying there in the ground with dirt and bugs on him....

      He was so special. to know him was to love him... and everyone knew we had a special connection... and I know that I let my most faithful and loyal companion down.

    • alexadry profile image
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      Adrienne Janet Farricelli 5 months ago from USA

      I am so sorry Bernies Mom, it sounds like you are going through a stage of grieving that many dog owners go through, the thinking it was not the right time, the shock of our loved dogs no longer being around us, the helplessness of not knowing if the right decision was made. You said that he had several bad days " I felt like a horrible person for allowing his suffering to continue"" Often, the adrenaline surge at the vet may make dogs act in different ways, many owners questioned themselves like you did when their euthanasia appointment came up, and some even managed to bring their cats or dogs home the day of the appointment saying that perhaps it wasn't the right time, only to find out that back home, their dogs were back to being miserable again so they had to reschedule again. "I think it was better doing it the first time around" said one owner once who regretted the choice of going back home. "Now, we have to go through this twice and now I have the bad memory of giving him a horrible night, and this will never go away."

      I think in your heart you knew it was the right choice, as you were talking yourself through it, you were just perhaps misinterpreting your dog's behaviors at the vet. Your vet's choice of words "fought to live" in my opinion are a poor choice considering that many dogs and cats react to the adrenaline surge in a similar fashion. Please don't feel bad, you gave your dog peace, the ultimate gift of love that all us pet parents dread doing, but that inevitably comes. Your dog loved you very much, and I am sure he's now in a better place watching over you, and I am sure if he could, he would wipe off those tears with gentle licks and tell you to please stop thinking of that last day, and instead rejoice and cherish all the great times you had together. Dogs teach us about love, life and also death and they also teach us to cherish our memories and look at all the good things in life. And when you look out your bedroom's window, don't think your baby as helpless, think about him as that little bundle of joy who loved you so much and that doesn't want you to suffer over something that would have inevitably come.

      I am sure if you joined one of those pet owner mourning forums, you would find dozens of owners or more who were in your same situation and that you can help each other go through these tough times.

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      Laura 2 months ago

      Hi. I am really hoping you can help me find some peace today. I made the difficult decision to euthanize my dog Cosmo yesterday. She was a beautiful, loving rescue dog that I adopted 14 years ago as an adult so she at least 15 years old, probably 16 or even more. Her mind was alert and fine, but her legs had given out and she could not walk any longer despite giving her Rymadil and pain meds (which worked for a little while but then stopped). I had to carry her everywhere and at 48 pounds this was not easy. She would also yelp in pain when I did this. I did not think she was ready to let go, but I did not want to see her living like this especially since she would watch my other dogs running around and going for walks, and I could tell she was very frustrated and sad by her inability to get up and walk. So I brought her to the vet yesterday and after confirmation that there weren't any miracle drugs that would make her walk again, decided to proceed with the euthanasia even though I still felt it was not what she wanted. (I have euthanized other dogs at the end where I felt we were both ready so this was a very different situation of feeling that she was not ready to let go but me feeling like I could not handle the situation any longer.) I asked the vet to give her a sedative first and I laid with her and told her what a a good girl she was for about 15 minutes while the sedative took effect. At first she was responding to me but then she went into a deep state of unconsciousness where her tongue was hanging out which I did not expect. The vet finally came in to administer the euthanasia drug. She was using something that was all one unit with a needle on the end. She tried to get it in Cosmo's back leg but could not find a vein. She then administered in a front leg. From what I experienced with my other dogs, I expected the process to take about two minutes. But Cosmo kept breathing and nothing happened after the euthanasia drug was administered. This went on for at least 15 minutes as I became increasingly upset and heartbroken. The vet asked me if Cosmo had heart problems. I said no. Finally the vet asked if I wanted her to administer a second unit of the drug and feeling like I had no choice, I said yes (I wonder now if I could have stopped the entire thing at this point?) It looked like she put the second needle into the underside of Cosmo's chest. Again, I thought Cosmo would finally leave us in a minute or two but she kept breathing and at this point she started jerking from time to time. At one point I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I came back and Cosmo was still breathing. The vet kept assuring me that she wasn't feeling anything but I did not believe her. I was sobbing harder and harder as this went on. Finally, Cosmo's heart stopped after about 15 minutes of the second administration. This entire ordeal took more than 30 minutes since the first administration of the euthanasia drug. I am now certain that I made the wrong decision and Cosmo was not ready to leave and I essentially murdered her in a very cruel fashion. I can't sleep or eat. I am searching the internet today to try to find some explanation of what happened but I can't find any situation close to this one where a dog lasted 30 minutes and had to have two administrations of the euthanasia drug and still did not die for 15 minutes after the second administration. Are you able to explain to me how this could have happened? Was Cosmo feeling pain during this process? Should I call the vet and ask for the name of the sedative and euthanasia drugs that were administered? Could the vet have administered the euthanasia drug improperly? Is it possible the euthanasia drug was bad? I feel sick to my stomach and am beside myself in grief and self-hate today. Thank you.

    • alexadry profile image
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      Adrienne Janet Farricelli 2 months ago from USA

      Laura, gosh I am so sorry you are going through this! Having two senior dogs myself, my heart aches for you. It must have been an awful situation for you. I wished I had an exact explanation for what happened. Your vet should be the best person to ask. All I can say is that the tongue sticking out is not too unusual. Common sedatives are propofol, telazol or valium and they can cause deep sedation, thus the tongue sticking out. I remember when dogs were sedated prior to anesthesia several had their tongues out. Even my cat had it once when they sedated her for a nail trim. I would not be concerned about the tongue, it's just a muscle that's gets floppy when under sedation or anesthesia. Here's a person witnessing it after a sedative if it helps ease your mind:

      http://www.justanswer.com/dog-health/63k15-just-to...

      The euthanasia solution (usually of a bright color so not to confuse it with something else) is an overdose of what used to be used to put a pet under anesthesia for a surgery. It's usually a drug called pentobarbital that quickly removes awareness and sensations of pain from the brain and causes the heart to stop. Because of this non-awareness, vets often tell dog owners not to worry about the occasional muscle twitch, jerk or vocalizations during euthanasia as these are unconscious reactions that are neurological and not a reaction from pain.

      I am not sure why it took longer than usual to take effect, but have seen it happen once with a cat. The cat didn't show signs of suffering, it just took longer than usual for the heart to stop.

      It could be it was a low dose or your dog had an underlying heart problem you were not aware of. With heart problems the drug doesn't circulate as it should and it fails to reach the heart enough to stop it. It does likely have some effect, but not enough to stop the heart right away. It could be your vet injected the solution in the chest area the second time so it could reach the heart more quickly.

      Again so sorry, please don't feel bad, your purpose was to ensure a peaceful passing, most likely you are more disturbed than your dog was in pain considering how these drugs work. I think our pets are watching us from the above and it all makes sense to them now that our intent was ultimately freeing them from pain and suffering. If they could, they would likely lick our tears away and try to cheer us up. Try to not let this ending obscure your wonderful memories of your bond with your dog.

    • BerniesMom profile image

      BerniesMom 7 weeks ago

      I've returned here so many times in the last few months but I’m finally able to say more, beginning with

      Thank you, Adrienne Janet Farricelli. I appreciate your time and consideration. I'm truly thankful for you and your efforts. I am going to take your advice and join in at the pet owner mourning forums because it's been since November 16th and I still feel so much saddness and grief.

      I miss my baby boy so much. I don’t think we can imagine just how painful and truly empty we are going to be left feeling. How can losing a pet impact us more than losing a parent or other close family member or friend? How could thoughts of wanting to end our own life be triggered by the death of a dog? Personally…. It’s because that dog was my baby boy who I spent more time with than anyone else.. All my time spent with other people over the course of my entire life pales in comparison to the amount of time spent with my Bernstein Bear.

      My heart breaks for all those in this situation. So far, there’s only one thing that has truly helped me through this…. I had forgotten and initially it didn’t help to remember but then, I finally recognized the dept of it again. It doesn’t make everything fine and dandy again but it is helping me.

      I CHOSE THIS AND IF GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY, I’LL DO IT AGAIN. NO REGRETS.

      Not only did I accept it but I chose it and now I welcome it….. The pain, the uncertainty and anxiety that accompanies all the second guessing… the sadness during sleepless nights and all other times… my chapped nose and red puffy eyes from crying and wiping so much, BRING IT ON !

      The sacrifice isn’t just about the time we give up by helping them to pass sooner rather than later but it’s about carrying the weight of it so that they need not even be bothered by it.

      It wouldn’t be fair or kind for me to not only take on that responsibility but also beat myself up about it not going smoothly and with absolute peace as intended and expected. He is no longer here to be affected by any of it.

      I am here and I refuse to let it torment me anymore because not only is it not necessary but it’s useless and counterproductive.

      Instead, I’ve realized that I should rejoice every time I’m struck with the grief of losing my sweetie boy because it serves as a reminder of the strong desire I had and will always have for wanting to protect him. I didn’t fail my boy, I stayed true to the vow I made to act in his best interest.. with no concern about how it may affect me because that’s what a mom does, without question. My mind is finally clearing up and it’s realizing that I did do what I was meant to do as his mamma. Who’s to say what would have happened if I hadn’t made that decision but the fact of the matter is that I removed him from harm’s way and I did it knowing full well that I would be suffering all that I have ever since that November day.

      And to think, all this time I had thought Bernstein’s purpose was to help me through all those yuck time that began in 2001 but it occurred to me, that possibly, Bernie’s purpose was to help me through all those yuck times in order to prepare me for the ultimate YUCK of losing him from my life

    • alexadry profile image
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      Adrienne Janet Farricelli 7 weeks ago from USA

      Bernie's Mom, thank you so much for your update. The pain of losing a dog can only be understood by dog owners who have loved and bonded with their dog immensely. And yes, many can attest the pain is far superior than any other losses witnessed in life. I like your new perspective "I am here and I refuse to let it torment me anymore because not only is it not necessary but it’s useless and counterproductive" and I am hoping to adopt this philosophy as well when I lose my own two senior dogs which have been the most precious things that ever happened in my life. Your are on your path to recovering from this, and while the pain may never go away, it seems to becomes less bitter when we cherish our dogs' lives and all the joy they have filled the days we had to fortune to share with them.

    • DzyMsLizzy profile image

      Liz Elias 7 weeks ago from Oakley, CA

      Back in the late 1980s, we had to have our senior dog put down; one moment he was fine, and 3 hours later, had lost the use of his hind legs. The vet said it was like a stroke that went to the spine instead of the brain. We were told we could take him up to UC Vet School for surgery, but less than 50-50 chance, plus $1500 just to walk through the door! We couldn't afford that. So, we made the painful choice to let him go.

      He was given anesthesia, and after he was under, the second drug to stop the heart was given. It was quick and peaceful, but it still hurt us to the core; he'd not had any symptoms, so we were totally unprepared--it came as a terrible shock.

      A few years later, we had to have our 15-year-old kitty put down..and we didn't get to be with him...they took him off to the back room. If I'd known then what I've learned since, it still troubles me to think of the horrible way they used to put cats down back then. Poor Imp must have suffered terribly, which is why we weren't allowed to be with him.

      Meanwhile, I've had a couple of pets die without euthanasia. It was really ugly in the first case...I don't even like to remember what happened to that poor dog. It was very sad in the second instance; kitty was only 4.5 years old, and had been having mystery fevers off and on for a year--all tests negative. But, one morning, we awoke to find her gone and already stiff.

      Fast forward many years, and we had to have two of our kitties put down, just a year apart. Both times it was peaceful. The first girl had epilepsy all her life (long story), but on her final day, her meds had totally ceased working, and she kept falling down, and was having mini-quakes almost constantly. Her pupils were dilated, and she already wasn't really 'there.' So, we helped her cross the Bridge. She simply went to sleep...again, peaceful.

      The next one was my 15-year-old Maine Coon tabby..my 'heart cat.' He was very special to me, despite still having other kitties. He'd been sick for a year, throwing up often, and not just like hairballs, or a bit of food eaten too fast, but major spews that had me hauling out the big monster carpet shampooer to clean up. We finally got into a program for low-income pet owners, and the diagnosis was not good: most likely a cancer of the intestines. Poor Tigger! We knew he'd not been feeling well, as he was pretty lethargic, and the puking stopped, largely because he wasn't really eating much...my 15-pound cat lost over half his body weight! So, we knew we had to help him cross the Rainbow Bridge.

      However, the day of the appointment, in the euth. room, didn't he perk up, become interested in looking out the window, and at the fish tank?!?! Then, when the vet came in, and I picked him up to lay him on the table, is when I felt like a murderer....but, he did at least go peacefully with no untoward incidents.

      They are all (except the first 2 mentioned), sleeping the long sleep in our yard.

      The day

    • alexadry profile image
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      Adrienne Janet Farricelli 6 weeks ago from USA

      Hello, DzyMsLizzy, You had several pets and loved them dearly. Not sure how, but somehow your comment got cut off. Thanks for stopping by.

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