Why Can't I Get Over My Dog's Death?
Coping With Losing Your Best Friend
I have learned over the past two years that losing your best friend is sometimes harder from one pet to the other. It is as if there is no rhyme or reason to it, but here are the things that have helped me heal. That's not to say that I will miss him any less, but these tips have made the pain tolerable.
- Celebrate your good fortune that you had him or her in your life!
- Try and focus on the happiest memories and the good things
- Remember him or her with pictures, collages, even a desktop slide show
- Be thankful for the many moments you had in spite of your loss - the glass is half full
- Allow yourself to be sad - whenever it comes upon you
- Cry when you must and laugh when you can
- Don't give up on another dog or pet - I tend to believe that your best friend will 'come back to you' in ways you have not realized yet
- Realize life is not always fair but realize that time does make heartbreak easier to take
- Let yourself grieve without guilt, shame or remorse - we cannot change the events in our lives. We can only accept them and move on.
Of All the Dogs in the World
To say I have loved and lost before when it came to dogs would be an understatement. I have been so blessed in my lifetime to own at least 15 dogs. However, as much as they were so incredibly special to me, I have never taken the death of one of my dogs as hard as I've taken losing Griffin. I have come to the conclusion that somehow he was my therapy dog and I didn't even know I had one!
I had just lost one of my most favorite dogs ever when I lost Kodi. People that know me say every dog is my favorite but unfortunately, they would be wrong. There were favorites – and many of them – I just couldn’t help it. I have been blessed with having all these dogs over my lifetime (which was still not enough I will add) but there were always sublime standouts. I did not want to start over again. I was at that point where I had just one dog left and she was older, and frankly, I just didn’t want to go through that pain again myself.
Then I saw him. My friend, who was a malamute breeder, sent me a picture of 4 puppies (2 of them long-hair malamutes) and I fell in love with him. However, I told myself “No, can’t go there again” and told the breeder thanks but no thanks. It hurts too much and how can I ever replace my Kodi? He was part malamute and he had been one of the magic ones. I talked to my husband about it and he definitely didn’t want to go down heartbreak lane again.
That being said, I decided to leave it at that. Cut our losses so to speak and quit going through the trauma. The last thing I needed to see (though in retrospect the best thing that ever happened to me) was the movie The Proposal. The puppy in that movie did it. It simply sealed the deal. I walked out of the theater, turned to Bob and said simply “I’m so sorry but this decision goes to a higher power. I have to have that puppy.” It seemed fortuitous as my friend had already given away the puppy away but she got him back just for me.
To say Griffin was the dog of all time would be putting it mildly. I feel like I’m Elizabeth Barrett Browning but how do I describe the ways I have loved that dog? I’ve known a lot of dogs in my day obviously but this little fellow was just surreal. I wanted to name him Dante, which ironically means enduring. He has certainly put a stamp on my heart I will carry with me forever.
I could go on and on and wax eloquent about his many characteristics but suffice it to say that 2 years later and change, I still cry over losing him almost every day. I dream about him, but I suppose that is a good thing. He was in a word incredible. He was so beautiful and I mean inside and out. Every day that I had him I thought how blessed I was to have him in my life and how incredibly happy I am still to have known him and raised him. Malamutes are not known for being “as teachable” as Griffin was. I always laugh when I say it, but he would literally do anything for a treat. If you don't believe me, look at his pictures in some of my other hubs. These were all captured with the promise of just a treat and a few words of instruction or encouragement!
He was majestic. He was incredibly handsome. Every person who ever passed him on the street, saw him in the back of our car or came to visit was just in awe of this gorgeous creature who also happened to be almost human. We had people pass us in their car when we had the back open, put it in reverse and come back just to look at him and go “wow – what a beautiful dog.” That was putting it mildly.
He had a language all his own and he talked to everyone he met and to us every day. He was one of the most social dogs I’ve ever seen. He loved nothing more than to travel with us, be with us, or to just talk to us. He loved walking down the streets, going on hikes, or cruising counters. He was the expert of all time there and made it look like you were the one who was mistaken. There was nothing left of anything so no crumbs or incriminating evidence. He would just look at us innocently as if to say “What are you talking about? What food?”
He would lie next to us in bed just for a bit to say he loved us and put his head on you in just the right place or cuddle against you just so. I called it Griffin acupressure. Instead of being frightened, most people were drawn to all 95 pounds of him. We had people run out of hotels to touch him or call down from balconies exclaiming they had never seen such a beautiful boy.
A young baseball team termed him "polar bear" and came outside in the pouring rain with multiple other people from the hotel just to pet him. We had people who followed us in the parks just to ask about him or pet him. We had families with children hold an elevator door just to let him ride with them and pet him rather than be frightened of him and his size.
He was such a special fellow. Walking downtown one cold wintry day, we had a throng of kids scream “snow dog” at the top of their lungs and laden with hats, coats, backpacks come running at him. They literally flung themselves on him and he just ate it all up rather than eating them up! I always said he was like a life-sized teddy bear. His fur was so soft that I can still almost feel it when I look at his pictures.
On top of being just an incredibly beautiful dog, he possessed the quality I find most endearing in life, which is humor. He had to be the funniest dog I have ever had the pleasure to own. His mannerisms, his antics, his training moments, his “talk” – all of it just made us laugh over and over.
Malamutes are most often thought of as snow dogs, yes, but they are also thought of as dangerous by many and as dogs that can be a bit challenging. If anything, Griffey was predictable. He would do anything for attention or treats and he loved, loved, loved people. He just loved life. He did so many comical things that we never had a day where we did not laugh over a “Griffin” moment.
He watched TV, ran upstairs to see my daughter and son-in-law on Skype and then tried to find out where they were hiding behind my desk. Yet, he was sweet and gentle enough that when we brought his niece home when she was 6 weeks old and he was 2 years old, he showed her the ropes and was the best mentor a puppy could have had. I marveled at him every day that I had him – and I truly thanked God for the time I had with him. I still do. No matter how much it hurts to have lost him.
Griffin in Training Making Everyone Laugh
Griffin Gallery - Some of Thousands
Click thumbnail to view full-sizePeople die every day of cancer. Dogs die every day of cancer or tragedies like poisoning or being hit by a car and much, much worse. I think the thing that upset me the most about losing my Griff was that I tried so hard to appreciate him, to give thanks every day for him. I was in love with him as a dog because he was absolutely incredible. I took such good care of all of my dogs but it just didn’t make any sense to me at all that this dog, so full of life and love, just all of a sudden ran across the deck one day and yelped. We had just come home from walking and he started to limp on his leg. He was so very much alive and so happy in all that he did that it seemed illogical that it could be something terrible. He was only 6 years old. How could anything be seriously wrong with him? Even the vets thought it was just a muscle sprain. No one thought it was serious enough to take x-rays, including us.
Resting and medications didn’t make it go away and poor Griffin was just frustrated. He wanted to live. He wanted to run and cruise counters. He wanted to have his life back. I am most grateful for the fact that after this started, before we knew how bad it was, we went on a week’s vacation. We always travel with our dogs and Griff and Gabby always went with us to hotels and on our outings and treks. At least I had the time to say goodbye (though little did I know it was going to be goodbye). As sick as he was, he was his usual magnetic self. We had time to cuddle. We had time to go to the places I wanted him to see though he was hampered by the limp so we could not do much – but he was with us for a full week and I treasure that time I had with him now. I do feel some closure over that.
We had an appointment on the day after we got home from vacation with an orthopedic vet because we couldn’t understand why he wasn’t getting better even with the medications and rest. Unfortunately, when they went to finally x-ray my beautiful boy, his leg snapped because the tumor had eaten away the bone. He went from somewhat in pain to being in excruciating pain. He also couldn’t walk on his leg anymore and now had to drag it. Just the sound of it still haunts me.
We were told they could amputate his leg (which would be a horrible thing for a 95-pound dog with cancer) and one as energetic as Griffin but that unfortunately and even more tragically, it would not save him in the slightest. He went from a little uncomfortable to crying all night and being hardly able to move with his now nonfunctional front leg. It did not take long for us both to realize that this was not fair of us to do to our beloved dog. It literally broke my heart but we had to have him put to sleep to ease his pain. I could not live with him suffering like that. They gave us the option to keep increasing his medication but unless he was practically comatose, he was in too much pain.
In the aftermath of it all, I’ve beaten myself up at least a million times. Why didn’t I see it sooner? When did it start and how did all that time go by and I couldn’t see it? What could I have done to save him? I have never been angry about it except at myself I suppose for not knowing. Would it have changed his outcome? No, I don’t think so at all. It is a genetic thing and it is most of all just so horribly tragic.
The most magnificent dog in the world should not have had to suffer that way and we should not have had to lose him. At first I would tell people “You just don’t understand. He was so special!” What I realized later was the fact that we all have had a dog that was the most magnificent in our eyes and in our hearts. It certainly can’t hurt any less for anyone to lose their best friend as it hurt for us to lose ours. I saw him everywhere and I still think of him every day, even though we have since moved. He is part of us and he will always be part of me. Unfortunately and fortunately, it is as if he was just here 5 minutes ago.
I read something very profound one day that said “Why do you put a question mark where God has put a period?” Humbling and so very true. I cannot change what life/fate/God’s will has decided where my dog is concerned, and I need to accept it for what it is, one of life’s heartbreaking events.
Today, I try and dwell on the bucket load of blessings he gave me and I recall to the moment what made me laugh about him every day. I have literally thousands of pictures and videos and he lives on through them. He was such a sweet, sweet dog and especially for a malamute, he was one of a kind! He was so incredibly intelligent and observant. I swear he was an angel in fur. He soothed me every day that I had him. He was my therapy dog without me knowing I needed one. I could have done anything with him by my side and I did. I miss him every single day and I think I will miss him until the day that I die. He was that special.
I did not know how I could possibly ever go on but then of course, there was the “little’ matter of his niece, who was broken into pieces as well. She absolutely adored Griffin. She was more devastated than us if that was possible because 4 months earlier, she also lost our “queen bee,” Denaya, our rescued malamute who was probably 16 years old. In a couple of months, Gabby had suffered the loss of her entire canine pack.
As humans, Bob and I cried and cried. We still cry over Griffin, but Gabby just gave up. She came into my office on a daily basis and literally threw herself on the floor in desperation as if to say “What do I do now?” Oh that I could just throw myself on the floor because I would have said the same thing over and over and just given up.
Why do certain dogs mark us? Why do they wrap their paws around our hearts and make it feel so full and then break it apart when they leave? That’s the magical question. We tried everything with Gabby and she would spark for a few minutes with walking. She even became a retriever playing ball in the park and would run until she was exhausted and even came back with the ball! It would always come crashing down though when we were home again. It was very obvious she was grieving and probably going into depression from her loneliness.
Bob was the one who finally said we needed to do something. We felt that she was going to give up and die if we didn’t find her a companion. Enter Mad Max. We ended up going again with a puppy and though he looks nothing like Griffin, he “is” Griffin in many ways. He is not the same exact replica. That is probably a very good thing but then again, he is comical in his own ways.
Strangely, he does things that Griffin used to do. In fact, he adopted Griffin’s chair (I could not leave it behind and brought it with us when we moved). He has many similarities to Griff but he is his own boy. Again, that is good. Most importantly, Gabby did not give up. She rose to the occasion and embraced her new pal with all the zest and love that Griffin gave to her when she came on the scene. The most treasured and bittersweet moment was seeing Gabby “smile” in pictures when she was playing with Max, tolerating Max, and showing him the ropes that her beloved Uncle Griffin showed her.
I believe Griff lives on in spite of his tragic death and I only hope that he is running free somewhere and saying it’s all okay...or that he is waiting for us on the other side. He was a treasure I have never seen the likes of nor will I ever again I imagine. I will always miss him because he made such an imprint on my heart, but I do believe he is coming back to us in his own ways through Max and just by us remembering him. There will never be another one like him, but to have known him and to have loved him was the ultimate gift of a lifetime.
I have thought about this so many times and truthfully have gone at it from every angle possible.
- Was it meant to teach us something?
- Did it happen to prepare us for the other losses that occurred over those 2 years since Griffin left us?
- Will it ever get easier to look back without grieving for him still?
- Is it possible that I will ever get over losing my all-time favorite canine companion?
I don’t know the answers to any of those questions but I do believe that perhaps time at least soothes all wounds if not heals them. It is certainly easier today than it was 2 years ago or even 1 year ago perhaps.
The only conclusion that I’ve come to is that everyone grieves in their own way and that healing is never going to be same for everyone. Every experience will be different, just as with the grief I felt over losing other dogs. In those cases, I did heal more quickly but that really has nothing to do with the current grief that I feel from my loss of Griffin.
Unbelievably to me still is that I lost a Labrador at exactly the same age to the same exact condition and accepted that tragedy much easier than this time. That in itself made me feel very guilty for some time, but I realize now that it is about how much love I felt for Griffin that is perhaps prolonging the grief and loss. I did not love Mariah any less - I just loved Griffin more somehow.
All I know in the end is that I loved him with all my heart and to have done that is far better than what my life would have been without him in it. He was priceless to me and my time spent with him will always bring me joy, in spite of the pain of losing him too soon.
Saying Goodbye Is So Very Hard To Do
In my heart and in my mind, we walk along the ocean still and he is whole and healthy.
Rest in peace, my sweet, sweet boy and thank you for all the happiness you gave us. Thank you for visiting me in my dreams and for channeling Max! (Please try harder there - he needs a lot more help, bless his heart!)
Six years was definitely not long enough. I will never forget you.
Why Do We Love Our Dogs?
There are a lot of reasons and I've come to realize every single one of them in the past 2 years!
- Pleasers - they try to do what's right to please us (most of the time)
- Unconditional love generators - try to make them stop loving you!
- Tactile soothers - (in Griff's case, a living, breathing furry body pillow or a real life teddy bear)
- Joy makers - laughter and merriment because they do the funniest things
- Goal makers - I want to train my smart malamute to do tricks!!! (not easy)
- Faith builders - through their innocent eyes, life is simpler
Use Whatever Tools You Can To Cope with Loss
Reading articles and books such as "Losing My Best Friend" noted below really helped me cope with my loss. Even though it is hard, I love the line remember them with tears and laughter because the tears are inevitable but the laughter always comes back as well.
Having loads of pictures and videos have helped me tremendously as well. I can put myself right back there and again be so grateful for the ride with Griff.
As I was trying to heal from suffering my terrible loss, I found myself doing a lot of writing about it. As I mentioned, it took me quite a long while to write this!
I further went on to write a book about it, pouring my heart and soul into that. I was hoping to aid others who might be going through the same experience and possibly having as hard a time as I have had getting over my favorite dog of all time.
I have found a great inner peace and comfort in being able to channel my grief into a positive from such a sad "chapter" in my life in losing him.
In short, doing whatever we can to heal ourselves is the ticket. If we can somehow learn to express what we feel or even just get to a point of understanding it a bit more, we can achieve the ability to grieve but not quite as acutely. I still cried many tears in writing my book but it did help. I only hope that it goes on to help others as well.
Epilogue
As I said above, I always think that somehow Griffin speaks to me and wants me to be okay since he's gone. Yesterday, a very dear friend of mine at work shared a video with me from Animal Watch with Anneka going to visit the giant malamutes owned by Lorna Bartlett from Arctic Rainbow Malamutes.
What immediately stood out to me and almost knocked me off my chair was Taggie, the beautiful long-hair malamute who came in the sliding door and seemed to gravitate toward Anneka. I began to cry. It was liking watching a movie of my sweet Griffin. She looked like him, she had many of the same mannerisms and it was just surreal. It made me miss him terribly, but then in some way, it made me think of Griff when he was healthy, happy and so very personable.
Don't misunderstand - all of Lorna's malamutes are beautiful and enchanting. I could see Gabby in one and my rescued malamute Denaya who died in 2015 as well. Even Dooby reminded me of a malamute I was going to adopt after Griffin died but he was a little too big for us.
I contacted Lorna just to tell her thank you for the incredible gift she had given me of somehow "seeing Griffin" again. I will keep the video forever in my favorites and look at it maybe when I'm missing him. Lorna wrote me back that Dooby had just died 3 weeks ago and again I cried, this time for them as I know what a devastating loss that is. My heart goes out to them because malamutes truly do grab you by the heart and become part of your human "pack."
Part of working through grief I think is just learning to take it a day at a time and finding ways that bring our pet back to us in some small way. This video did it for me and for that, I shall be eternally grateful. It is yet another coping tool and a wonderful way to remember my sweet boy.
Animal Watch Giant Alaskan Malamutes
Good Resource on Amazon

I had so much laughter with Griffin that this book really meant a lot to me. Remembering him with laughter and tears works for me every time. Check out some of the other books on grieving for Fido as well and find the one the speaks to you and your unique relationship with your special dog. I'm sorry for your loss as well.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. It is not meant to substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, or formal and individualized advice from a veterinary medical professional. Animals exhibiting signs and symptoms of distress should be seen by a veterinarian immediately.
Questions & Answers
© 2017 Audrey Kirchner
Comments
Hi Audrey
Thx 4 ur post- I'm still grieving the lost of my Molly... she past away the previous Tuesday & I still cry like a baby every time I'm home alone
Red cattle dog. She was exactly like ur dog, but like u said - she was much more than words could explain... so intelligent yet so innocent
She died the same day I had our vet appointment - but it was too L8... the sorrow, guilt & regret hasn't passed yet...i should've taken her into emergency wen she was constantly throwing up the water she drank the previous day/night
Humans can b so stupid wen it comes to animals - they can't speak & we can't understand their body language
I'm just trying to distract myself which semi helps but wen I'm alone, i break down all over again. Thank u once again 4 this article - it brought me to tears with memories, because it's still fresh... don't know why Google showed this as a result wen I searched "how to stop crying over my dog"
U expressed wat I feel, yet there's so much unspoken words to describe our overall feelings/thoughts
Thank you so much for writing this article. I am still grieving the loss of my guy Harley, I love my other dogs dearly but reading this just took the words right out of mouth. He was my special boy that left a mark on my heart. Thank you again.
Thank you for writing this. I felt the same way about my Honey, my little corgi who I knew was my soulmate from the second I saw her in the shelter. My love for her was (and is) absolutely immense, she was perfect to me in every way. She brought more joy into my life than I can describe. I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful dog.
On December 8th, a large dog attacked and killed her. My Mom, brother, and brother's girlfriend took her and our other two dogs on a quick evening walk in front of the park near our house, and one of the park's employees had his huge, aggressive dog off leash. I am thankful at the very least that I wasn't there when it happened--I don't know if I could have lived with the trauma--but the fact that it happened at all is beyond heartbreaking. I don't know how to get through losing her the way I did. I'm not suicidal, but part of me doesn't even want to live without her. I feel so lost, and it almost feels like I have two losses to deal with--the fact that she's gone so suddenly, and the traumatic way she passed.
She just had major eye surgery a few months ago and her eye was healing so beautifully, which makes the loss even more heartbreaking. Her eye injury was such a stressful and difficult ordeal, and it was a huge relief when everything turned out okay in the end. Then she was cruelly snatched away from life a few months later... I feel so broken.
I feel like my reality has shifted permanently. The world seems much more empty now that she's not in it. I don't think I've even fully accepted her death yet, it feels too big and too horrible to understand, but I cry frequently. I've been sick ever since it happened. I feel like half of my soul and will to live went with her. I wish more than anything that I could rewind time and stop that walk from happening. I am trying to believe that, if it was fate that we met, maybe this was fate, too, but it's almost too horrible to bear no matter what outlook I try to take on it.
I just wish her death could have been what I always envisioned, which was that she would live to be very old and I would sit by her side as she was put to sleep. I know euthanasia is awful in its own way, too, I have lost dogs and cats and other animals that way, too, but at least it is peaceful, and you know it's just their time to go. The death she had leaves me little space to comfort myself and feels like a nightmare. It's just not fair. She was the sweetest, most wonderful dog, who brought joy to everyone she met.
Anyway, I just wanted to vent some of my heartbreak. I don't know how I'm going to get through it in the months and years ahead. It's extremely hard to find peace with this horrible reality.
Thank you so much! I do understand that larger dogs are more prone to some things, but I'm really in need of a friend right now hehe. And same here, of all the dogs I've had the only adult that we had to put down was a husky that was used for breeding (it wasn't us, a breeder gave her to us when they couldn't use her anymore) and the poor thing was very old and worn out and she got really bad hip dysplasia so we decided to let her go... But other than her and the two puppies, all our dogs have lived great, long lives. But I will definitely ask the breeder about family problems to try and cross those out... Also we usually never get pure breeds, we try to rescue as much as we can, but this time I said that I'm going to try a malamute because I think I'm finally getting better with doggy leadership and frustration (I used to never be able to train anything cuz I was way too soft and wavering..) and we're moving to a place with tons of space and snow so she should be happy...
Again thank you so much for the awesome articles!
Thank you so much for this article, even though it was hard to read since I just lost my dog last month. Totally true what you say about some dogs just being extra special. I've had 10 other dogs, and none of them compared to her, the whole family felt it. Sadly she was only 4 months old when she passed, but she took a bit of all of our hearts with her... Another puppy (a stunning Czech wolf dog) died the same week as her, so it was extra tragic. The Czech came with parvo and infected the other one as well, and despite our 24/7 treatments they didn't make it...
Also, you mention that you think Griffin might have been more disposed to cancer because of his long hair? I'm getting a malamute puppy in January if all goes well, but should I not get a long hair if that's the case? We're just so afraid of losing more pups that I'm trying to be extra careful...
Thank you so much!
I lost my 8 year old baby 3 days ago.
Yorkie baby girl Diva was from Korea and we bought our 2 yorkie babies to South Africa with us.
Diva was my heart and soul, I think I loved that dog more than anything in the entire world.
She got me through some dark times.
I spoke to her , she listened , she watched tv and growled and barked at it, she yelled at me for snacks, showed me her nails and did high five .
Beginning of the year she was diagnosed with CHF.
Went on usual meds and was ok.
Last few months her breathing was off , went to a new vet on a Sunday who took her on.
She then suddenly got pyometra and had to have an emergency spay and recovered like a trooper .
All was well for a few weeks and then her breathing went off again.
Back and forth we went to the vet and he then decided to do ultrasound and diagnostics, she was distended by then short of breath and uncomfortable .
Took 2 days for sedation from ultrasound to wear off.
Finally got results pointing to cardiac insufficiency leading to liver enlargement.
Vet adjusted meds and added liver support.
Came home that night and she got diarrhea .
By next morning it was bloody diarrhea , I asked vet about starting her on metronidazole which I had and he said go again.
Went out came back and stool was watery with blood. Messaged vet and asked what to do as I didn’t want her to dehydrate.
No response .
I tried stringing glucose water into her mouth . Went out again and my son mashed me saying he thought she needed to go on a drip. Came back to check and was going to go back to the vet at 5. I picked her up , she looked at me took one last breath and was gone.
I’m devastated as I feel I could have saved her had she gone on a drip to replace fluids.
Day before hubby asked vet if she was going to die and he said def not.
Now he says it was liver failure. I don’t believe it, and now she’s gone and I’m grief stricken as well as guilt stricken as I’ve been to the vet every other day but when I should have been there urgently I didn’t get there in time.
I don’t know how I am going to carry on.
It’s horrible losing a pet. I lost my berty last dec and not over him . I’m so sorry for your loss. We think of the fun times we had and their favourite things and walks .
Take care
Debbie
I am sorry for your loss.
I lost my Reginald Jack Sausage 30 Sept 17 so its nearly a year and today is one of those challenging bad days.
He was 9 months at adoption and I said goodbye after having him just over 15 and a half years.
I cannot comprehend he has gone.
Hayden
Wow. Thank you so much for posting this story. We lost our standard schnauzer of almost 15 years just a few weeks ago. Like Griffin, for us, Indiana was special - he truly was our Indiana Jones...always up for whatever crazy adventure we worked up for him. We travelled with our dogs too - Indiana had travelled from Canada to Florida 4 times! We were halfway done another one of those drives when we discovered a large cancerous mass in his chest. We had no idea it was there. They told us we had 1 week, so we turned around and came home. We got 9 beautiful days to say goodbye before his suffering became too great. I think about him every day. I'm so grateful to have had him in my life and will always cherish all the joy he brought me, but it has been very difficult to say goodbye.
Dear Audrey, Thank you so very much for posting my story and responding to me. I have purchased your book, and I will have a box of tissues nearby when I read it. I am so glad you have Max to help you with your loss, I have 2 dogs, Blackie, a lab who came as a stray six months after we got Sam, and Katie, a Beagle that I rescued from the neighbor's six years ago, she was emaciated badly and neglected, I called the same humane society I got Sam from and they are two sweet dogs. But they always took a back seat to Sam, he too talked constantly and controlled us and the entire house. I called him King Brown Crap and he knew his nickname well! He loved every person and animal he ever met, and he especially loved cats. He loved going to the Veterinarians ironically, he would try to make friends with all the cats. He was like having a four year old toddler his whole life, I talked to him constantly and he was highly intelligent, more human I think than dog. Unfortunately, I will be dealing with losing Blackie in the near future, he has an aggressive cancer. I am trying to give Blackie as much love as I can, but he's not a cuddler like Sam, and Sam is stealing the spotlight in my heart even after his death. I look forward to reading your book, reading it and talking to you will certainly help me immensely in dealing with my grief. Thanks again and I wish you only the best
Dear Audrey, As I started my day this morning, I told myself that this was going to be a better day, as I haven't seen really any good days in nearly a year. And then I read your story about your amazing Griffin. And I cried. I cried for you and the immense pain you have been suffering through, and I cried for me, because I lost my adopted four legged son Sam 11 months ago. Nearly every word of your story was mine, as if you were able to somehow get into my mind and tell my story. The only real difference in our losses was the breed of dogs, Sam was a Schnauzer Terrier mix. What I really was amazed at was when you talked about Griffin's eyes. That was Sam. He had the same eyes. When I first met him, at the mall, the humane society was trying to adopt out seven puppies, I had no intention of getting one, even though I had several dogs growing up, but as I stood there with my wife watching the group, one dog in particular was sitting quietly to the side. I kept looking at him from a distance, and he stared at me the whole time, and then he walked up to me and, those eyes, I couldn't believe how his eyes latched on to me like a magnet. He then turned around and laid on my foot, and the humane officers all ran over to me, saying that he picked me, I must take him. I got uncomfortable and told my wife that we must go, and I pulled my foot out from under him, and he let out a signature groan/moan as I walked away. We went about 20 feet, my wife said "will you stop and look at that dog?" I did, and those eyes, they pierced my heart like a laser, as he stood looking like he was going to cry. I said "we'll take him!"That was the single best thing I ever did in my life. For just over 11 years, I had the honor of being his Dad, I had a bond with him that I don't think I have ever had with any human, including my wife, if that is possible. I literally worshipped the ground this sweet, gentle, highly intelligent dog walked on, I considered waking up to him every day as essential as breathing oxygen. Never did that dog ever lick me, but he certainly kissed me a million times with his eyes, and he engraved his being into my heart that will be there forever. And then the worst day of my life came when his full of energy body jumped into the air, excited about going for a walk, when he landed on his feet, he screamed for what seemed like an eternity, I looked at him in horror, he stood motionless for about 5 seconds, and fell over on his side. That was the last sounds he would ever make. He obviously paralyzed himself, and in less than a half hour at the vet's my precious jewel died. How? How did I not know he had a spine problem? I had my hands on this beautiful boy a hundred times a day! I know how your Griffin passed away has created a lot of guilt for you, but you did the right thing, there was no miracle that could help him. The suddenness of losing Sam has devastated me, to the point of going into a state of immense depression for nearly a year. I call it emotional torture. A few days ago, I told myself that I have two choices, one, I can commit suicide and be with him hopefully, but I certainly don't have the guts to do that, or I can pick myself up and live, and that is exactly what I plan on doing, because Sam would want me to, he loved every minute of his life. Some day, another dog will find me, and need me as much as I need it. And if it is a quarter of the dog my Sam was, and obviously your Griffin, I will have hit the jackpot again. My heart truly aches for you, I will forever think of you and your loss when I think of Sam.
Dear Audrey, many thanks for your kind words, when I read about your heartbreaking experience with your beautiful boy Griffin I was in tears, he was so young and in his prime, grief is a lonely place. When I wrote to you I could hardly see for crying. It felt like someone understood how I felt day to day without her. I wear a locket with a photo of her looking like a little princess, that does give me comfort, I know it will get easier, as time passes, I'm so grateful Mollie was in my life, as you were with your sweet Griff. Many thanks you are truly kind, virtual hugs to you, and all who those are missing their cherished doggy friends x
Hi, I've just read your wonderful article about your gorgeous boy. We lost our darling Mollie a few months ago aged 16, see was more than a dog to me, she was my best friend and companion, truly beautiful inside and out. She never left my side when I was very ill 5 years ago, her beautiful brown eyes and feeling her warm weight led on the bed next to helped my recovery. I was able to do the same for her in return, arthritis has taken its toll on her little body, she was on so many pain meds, but she also developed dementia which was heartbreaking to watch. I would sit up with her all night so she wasn't afraid to be left alone, my sweet beautiful little girl was in so much pain at the end we took the the decision to part with her. Our vet was so kind he made her comfortable so we could say our goodbyes. My heart was broken. In the months that have followed I'm finding it very hard not to see her everyday, feel her soft but wirey coat run through my fingers. She is greatly missed by all of our family who love her as she loved them.
Thank You so much for this. I had to rehome my dog because he was agressive only to my husband. Then he became agressive to others and recently he attacked his new owners and they put him down and called after. I feel really guilty because I had him since a puppy and I would of been there with him. Although I guess he wasn't my dog anymore. To me he was and I feel like I let him down. But thank you for your story.
We lost our half Chow half Shepard, Ziggy 2 weeks ago, sep 7. Our beautiful spoiled boy was 14 1/2 years old. He would've been 15 in December. I continue to live the day in my head where I could have told the vet and my wife NO to the new meds they were going to give him. He was in pain for arthritis all over his body, he could barely walk, but overall he was still getting up to eat lightly, wanting to continue to come to bed with us, wanting to finish his walks even though he could not walk much, but we let him rest at every driveway. I had a bad feeling about the meds, but I was just wanting for my wife to ease her mind that I was in this to help him too because I loved him so much. Ive always hated to watch Ziggy go under for sedation for any type of procedure, so when the vet recommended a small dose of morphine like med to help ease the arthritis so we could get im to eat again, it sent an alarm to me, but again, I trusted the vet and wanted for my wife to have this, to make Ziggy feel better. 2 hours later, he was choking on his phlem, couldn't breath. Vet didn't know why that happened, believed that the meds caused his intestines to twist, or whatever. I tried yo help him breath and relax by rocking him back and forth on my lap and arms. he finally relaxed and started breathing normally, but then he got too relaxed and silently fell asleep. i felt his breathing go lighter then my wife said he stopped breathing, i said he was just sleeping and then meds were finally relaxing him. But no, he was dying in my arms, i moved him to his mattress and tried to help him breath, but he had passed on. I have never experienced this type of pain before, other than my fathers passing. I constantly replay his trust in me when i took him to the vet, that dad would not let anything happen to him. The look in his eyes that he always trusted me, that he wanted me to just take him home. I feel so guilty for allowing the new meds when i could have told my wife and vet to just leave him, i know he's old, but he's happy with us. I miss him everyday, and it does not go away. I just recently allowed myself to smile for a brief moment. what is even harder is watching our other dog, Zoe, who was his partner for 12 1/2 years, miss him too. When he passed, she knew it, she layed next to him for a while, before we asked the vet to pick him up to have him cremated and have the ashes back to us. Me and my wife have approached this differently. She wants to remember the good, but I am constantly stuck on the day he passed. It hurts so much because he was my roaddog, my sleep pillow, he slept at feet or had to be touching my leg for 14 1/2 years. He would ride with me in my truck and was always the navigator by standing on the console. I believe he was like a child to us, but he was also my therapy dog because he always made me so happy no matter how bad of a day i had. always forced me to walk him. Its left such a hole in my life and in my heart. I just hope that this pain gets a little less, but I feel so guilty in trying to move on. I cant or dont want to move on, because i felt i could have saved him and given him a few more months or another year. I just hope if he is in dog heaven, that he forgives me for what happened, because I know I will never forgive myself for not fighting for him.
I lost my sweet boy Gomez this past Friday. We just got back from a three week vacation and the boys that were watching him said he wasn’t eating much. He was very skinny but otherwise seemed okay. We were jet-lagged but I knew something wasn’t right and waited a couple days before I brought him to the vet. He had injested poison somehow which is odd because he isn’t interested in dead mice, trash, etc. He died a few hours later. The guilt is literally paralyzing me and I am constantly nauseated. This article comforts me somehow because Gomez was so special, crazy and one of a kind and just to know that someone has gone through this too brings some peace. He was almost like a person and was always by my side. He was my therapy dog, too and I am heartbroken. It will be hard but I really pray I can forgive myself and move forward soon. Thank you for writing this- it will help and has helped me already. Peace, Liz
Like you I have had many dogs and they have all been special and I have loved each and every single one but some have somehow shined brighter.
I lost my beautiful dog of 23 year old fog willow on November the 5th 2015 a date thats burned into my head for all the wrong reasons. It is also my late fathers birthday and was the same day as a friends funeral. To make matters worse its a big deal in the uk as its when we celebrate bonfire/guy fawkes night by setting off a lot of fireworks, so its hard to forget.
Beautiful Willow had cancer she had had tumours removed from her mouth but they had regrown and further treatment options were cruel especially at her age, so we managed to keep her as pain free as possible and she was happy for several months, then one day she stopped eating, i think she was telling us it was time. We made the unenviable choice to put her to sleep and it broke my heart. I cry about her regularly and I miss her so very much.
I remember her in so many ways and try to smile last year i made my wedding invites from a book she had chewed that id put in a draw and forgotten about, when i found it i decided it would be a nice way to invlude her.
I thought no dog could fill her space and they can't but at the time my partner worked away a lot and working from home like i do was lonely so we ended up Bringing Rogal home. He is half Mallamute half labrador and he has taken a whole new part of my heart. He is just the right ammount of dog and human and absoloutley my therapy dog, he knows me better than I know myself. He is just a giant hairy bundle of love and I want his attention just as much as he wants mine. I sometimes think he has the souls of all the dogs I've loved before in his heart. He is my world.
Your beloved Griffin was gorgeous and yes apparently incredible in so many ways!!! So sorry for your loss and sorry Griffin was only 6 years old. It sounds like Griffin packed in 26 years of living and loving , in his 6 years! I lost my Chihuahua, Abbey, in May. She was 12 and it happened over a day & a half- she had an embolism or aneurysm of the heart. I didn’t have time to say goodbye, and came home from work, and she was gone. I threw myself on her tiny body (so opposite of Griffin’s 95 pound size!) - and sobbed inconsolably for 20 minutes over her body. Then I called my vet and he said to bring her over there and they would “help me with the body.” They kept saying how sorry they were and were so nice and kind to me, but I’m not sure if I heard all of their words- I was blind with tears and felt as though I could not hear clearly either. I had her cremated. I kept thinking is this my fault? Did I miss something? Not see something? And I was so guilty that she died alone in the apartment because she was always by my side. Had and still have such a hard time with that. My sister had 2 beautiful canvasses made from pictures of her and on one canvass, I wrote a poem to her, that is beautifully printed on the canvas. And of course I have videos as well. It was 4 months ago, and I cry every day thinking of her. I know I will still cry in 4 years from now, snd 14 years from now. She’s was the only dog I had, as a single/divorced woman , living on my own. I think it’s awesome that you have so many dogs of this beautiful breed such a wonderful home!! But like you said, I also laugh at how silly and funny, and fiesty she was. And yes, she too comes to me in my dreams. I have to tell you that I read MANY posts on the loss of a dog, but yours was the most profound and comforting to me. So glad I came across it. Griffin sure was absolutely gorgeous and incredibly special. We have to take comfort in knowing that Griffin and Abbey are in a much more beautuful place and are whole again! And we will one day be with them AGAIN, for certain! God bless you and thanks SO much for sharing that!!
I am at the same place as you. I know exactly how you feel and hope you can find some peace inside one day. We never get over them, we just learn how to deal with their absence.
I lost my soul mate and second dearest friend “Mitzi” 3 weeks ago who I love second to only my wife Linda, who is my 1st dearest friend and soul mate.
I don’t know if I will ever heal from Mitzi’s passing. I cry every day, several times a day because she touched my soul and stole a piece my heart that can not be replaced. I hope to see her again one day ( Rainbow Bridge)because she was more human than 99% of most people I meet.
She showed me love every day and followed me around everywhere. I couldn’t turn around without finding her at my side, until now, and wo7ld make me smileShe is gone physically but not spiritually in my mind and heart.
I miss her more than family members who have passed on and I am not ashamed to admit that because no one EVER gave me as much love as Mitzi Girl my “Sweet BaBoo”, for all you Charlie Brown fans you know what I mean.
John Morgan
Please note this is a correction to my previous post
PS
Audrey, Griff is running freely and pain free with other dogs waiting for you on the other side of Rainbow Bridge and one day he and you will join together and cross that bridge to get enter Rainbow Heaven. We will one day all be with our pets forever. I can’t wait to hug and kiss my Mitzi Girl again one day.
John Morgan
And I wish the same for you too. Do you think I should get another puppy after a few months?
Thank you so much. A virtual hug for you
Thank you so much Audrey, this made me feel a little better. It’s just that without him around the house feels so empty and I don’t want to be around anyone and nothing makes that feeling go away. I wish I could get him back. I can't get the sight of his last moments from my head. The amount of pain he was in i wish I could’ve taken that pain away from him. I just really miss him a lot ❤️ I am going to get another puppy in few months and I really hope this time it works out or else I will be heart broken and I don’t think that after that I will be able to get another pet in my life because I don’t want to get the life of these precious things in danger just to make myself happy.
On 29th August 2018 I lost my 4 month lab puppy Leo to liver failure and I was there at the vet in his last moments. His temperature had gotten so down that nothing could get it back to normal. He waited for me till I arrived, even though he was unconscious but when he heard my voice he moved his mouth and eyes and after he knew I was there that’s when he breathed his last. I can’t get that sight out of my head and I miss him so much . Day before he had his LFT test and he seemed to be getting better but the next day suddenly I got a call from the vet about his critical condition. I can’t stop crying and I don’t know what to do I feel like my world is coming crashing down. I love him so much. few months earlier I lost another lab puppy Archie who was 3 months old to destemper but I tried again and got another puppy but now he died too. I don’t know what is it that I’m doing wrong as long as I remember even if I noticed a slight problem I took both of them straight to the vet but even then they died and now I feel absolutely terrible. I feel like I’m cursed and now I’m really scared to get another one because I don’t want it to die because of my curse. I love you so much Leo, you were a fighter ❤️
Thanks so much for your quick response. To be honest, that depresses me even more, the fact you had all these dogs without having this experience, and I have one and it ends like this, at age 7.
I am certain I am not going to have another dog (I couldn't possilby go through something like this again), so that was my entire experience with having a dog.
As for the malpractice; that is a certainty, as I submitted his case to about forty experts and started a disciplinary board case. All necessary steps, but as the cliche goes, it doesn't bring you your dog back.
But the problem is it takes much more; your trust in people, your social life, the whole fabric of your life. At least that's how I experience it now...
My precious basset hound Sam died as a result of medical malpractice, and the anger or rather rage combined with the enormous grief is almost too much to bear. I wonder if someone has advice to share on this particular cause/circumstance.My entire life has changed, it affected my relationship with my boyfriend, my work, everything. I can't smile anymore and just feel these people have truly ruined my life. I hope it will get better with time...
Hi Audrey,
I sent you an email with some information I hope you received it.
Hi Audrey,
I hope I will love the puppy he is so bouncy and playful already and my family love him.
I’m sure all the doggies we’ve lost are playing in a safer beautiful place.
Thank you so much I put my everything in that drawing for my baby and I even did one for my boyfriend’s dog that passed away years ago. It made me feel better and happy to see I could give so much to my family and him through that. If you are really interested it would be a pleasure for me to draw Griffin. :)
Hello Audrey,
I left a comment in your page a few months ago after my childhood dog Blacky passed away far away from me. Next week after 9 months faraway from home and almost 6 months since her dead I will go back. The thing is I am still deeply grieving, it happens so spontaneously I just remember her and I can’t stop from having so many feelings. Last month my family decided to get a new dog, and while I know he is not a replacement and that they all have coped with the lose of Blacky in our home and I am the only one still in denial because I haven’t been there I want to accept the new puppy. He has made my other dog so so happy, he was miserable and depressed without someone to play. And I’m so greatful, all I want is for my remaining baby to be happy, but I feel it’ll be hard for me to accept that my Blacky is not home and a new puppy is.
Something that helped me cope a bit was drawing her and when I get home we will frame it and put it next to her stuff. We are having a ceremony to plant a tree and spread her ashes and I hope then I can let go of all this guilt and sadness and remember her just with loads of happiness.
I’ll leave you a link of the drawing in case you would like to see it.
https://instagram.com/p/BliIYl0jy7_/
I hope you are well, reading your posts about Griffith always make me feel better.
Hi while I'm reading this I remember my beloved Tagger who passed away 5 months ago and for 15 years we've been together and now he's gone I don't know how to start my life without him. Until now still painful and it's killing me. Thank you to our friends and who sent their sympathy and to pet cremation Hampton Roads, thank you for giving Tagger a great service.
Please refer to this link: https://thepetlosscenter.com
My big dog killed my little Chi (4.5 lbs) on Sunday 7/15... the guilt and the pain that I feel is unsurmountable... I cry every day... if only we had crated the big dogs... I took her to emergency vet and ultimately had to put her to sleep... So sweet.. my little Nickee... she would climb into my lap and rub her little face against mine. I miss that...I miss her.
I lost my baby, I am feeling so overwhelmed, want to share these memories with someone.
Dear Audrey,
Thank you for your wonderful words. I just want to say you are beautiful person. I had to read your reply for a few times and I have to say as well, that I agree with you, our dogs were flawless. I have been disappointed in people way too many times to even care to count, but Willie have never ever hurt me. He had died in my arms, he locked his eyes with mine and took one last breath. The world just stopped.He was diagnosed with cancer on Monday and died on Wednesday. I only had 48 hours with him. I feel like someone just took him from me, it was so sudden. This picture is in front of my eyes, feeling powerless...I was his mom but yet I couldn't do a thing to save him. But I was there and the rest of the fam thank God.This little doggie got cancer thanks to our polluted world, and there was nothing I could've done. So much guilt...All he did his whole life was loving us.But reading about your love for your beautiful boy Griff, I am happy I had Willie for as long as I did. Griff deserved to have a longer life, but unfortunately he didn't. I just want to say one more time, thank you Audrey.
Thank you for such a wonderful read. It brought tears to my eyes... I have recently lost my dog Willie. He had passed away on Jun 13th 2018, and nothing and I mean absolutely nothing could've prepared me for this kind of pain. Some people think I am crazy, some people even say oh cheer up, he was just a dog. I hate when people don't understand how difficult this is. Willie was my best friend for 16 years. He was my best friend and I have known him longer than most of my human friends. I feel like my insides were hollowed out, I feel so empty without him. I miss this beautiful creature. I was in search for comfort and found your read and I took time to say thank you so much I feel so much better after reading it. I am glad I am not alone in this. I think I will be missing Willie until the day I die.
Hi Audrey,
Thank you so much for responding to me. It brought tears to my eyes that you cared enough to reply about my special girl. I keep hoping the pain will get easier but it doesn’t seem to be lessening quite yet. I too hope all the pets we’ve loved are somewhere happy until we can see them again! Hugs to you!
* are there any others writings you’ve done about pet loss? You are a very talented writer
Hi Audrey,
I loved reading what you wrote! I lost my chihuahua Shasta a few months ago and the pain is awful! It’s comforting to know other people also feel so much love for their dogs that have passed...
My “girl” also was like a therapy dog to me and I think I’ll miss her until the day I die! Your words brought me comfort that I’m not alone! God Bless
Hi Audrey
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, your words continue to comfort us in this time of terrible loss.
My wife and burst with emotion when we read....
" I only hope I get to see him truly one day and that in the meantime, he is somewhere where the good and pure of heart go - blessing someone else with his sense of humor and his beautiful style.I hope he is there with Henry and that they are best buds. It sounds like they were cut from the same "angel" cloth. Virtual hugs to you both."
Today, in my mind's eye, I am dreaming of them together happy, healthy and free of pain.
Here is my own words...they came to me while reading your response...
"Only good and wonderful dogs take ownership of good and wonderful people"
once again, God bless.
P.S. I hope i didn't send this twice, if so, sorry.
Hi Audrey
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, your words continue to comfort us in this time of terrible loss.
My wife and burst with emotion when we read....
" I only hope I get to see him truly one day and that in the meantime, he is somewhere where the good and pure of heart go - blessing someone else with his sense of humor and his beautiful style.I hope he is there with Henry and that they are best buds. It sounds like they were cut from the same "angel" cloth. Virtual hugs to you both."
Today, in my mind's eye, I am dreaming of them together happy, healthy and free of pain.
Here is my own words...they came to me while reading your response...
"Only good and wonderful dogs take ownership of good and wonderful people"
once again, God bless.
Hi Audrey
Just four days ago we let go our extra large chocolate lab, Henry.
he had wobblers' disease and the results were to the point of bad days outnumbering the good days.
My wife and I are overcome with grief, in spite of knowing we chose our beloveds' well being over ours.
What i find amazing is that after praying that God would show us a sign that would comfort us regarding his passing...I found this article of yours...your description of Griff is ours of Henry verbatim!
Your thoughts and wondering of his purpose in your life...our thoughts exactly, down to every word and point you expressed.
Many days since the day we welcomed 4 month, 55 pound Henry into our lives...we literally thanked God for the angel he blessed us with...his character was unsurpassed in both the canine and human world, he displayed the fruits of the spirit in every situation, every manner.
He was a truly gentle giant, even as an intact 120# male, he NEVER acted aggressive to a single dog challenge or attack, and there was many. He would stand aside for the smallest of dogs to steal attention or to eat or drink before him, yet had the courage and confidence of a lion.
He understood just about every spoken or unspoken word, he faithfully looked you directly in the eyes everyday and communicated his love for you, regardless of his pain.
I have had many dogs during my life and several labs, none were like Henry.
When the end was near and the sorrow was approaching my wife and I asked ourselves....
If Henry came to us and told us..."I am only going to have 7 1/2 years with you and then my pain will surpass my joy and you will need to do the right thing for me...I will give you everything I have but i need you to give back....Do you still want me?"
The answer without question (even in hindsight) would be YES!
We see him everywhere, we think of him everyday and cry.
Thank you for sharing your story, your honesty, your humility and your articulate expressions of love, they are a real blessing and answer to prayer.
God Bless.
I can’t get over the loss of my beloved ruby .she was one in a million.she was my best friend.your story as touched my heart and I hope one day I’m strong enough again to have another dog.thank you so much.
Thank you Audrey, that seriously means a lot. You have definitely made me consider getting another dog again one day.
Caitlin,
I just lost my beautiful 7 year old German Shepherd, Tully, to cancer three days ago. It came out of no where and we had to put her down on the day that we discovered the final stage cancer in her liver and spleen. Just like you, the bond I had with Tully was particularly profound, and she was definitely my therapy. I'm only 21 and still going through university and now I feel so incredibly lost without her. The house feels so empty and it's hard to believe that this wrenching feeling will ever settle. Thank you for writing this, it was very relatable and helpful in some ways. I'm not really religious but I still like to think that she's waiting for me, somewhere.
Just lost our heart dog yellow lab of 11 years from the very disease you speak of in this wonderful piece. We did happen to treat his cancer thru radiation therapy (not a weight bearing bone so low risk of fracture), chemo, and unfortunately it delayed but not much else. We knew how the story would play out . We got 9 extra months. I am thankful. For now I struggle because we took treating and hoping too far. I knew better but didn’t have the courage to tell the vet or my husband enuff please let’s let him go with peace and dignity. Instead he suffered horribly in the end due to the very interventions meant to help, that I knew deep in my heart would not. I hope someday i can forgive myself. Now, I have to try to understand how to help his littermate sister cope. She doesn’t understand. It breaks my heart to see her sadness and confusion. I don’t know what to do. Miss him so much and worry about our other baby. Feel so broken and helpless.
I am a 66 year old school teacher. If it weren't for having to get up and teach I don't think I would be able to get out of bed at all. Have had dogs all my life, and all were special, but my little Yorkie/Silkie was my greatest love for 13.5 years. We needed each other. No other dog would do things like check each of my legs every night for scratches, and lick one if he found it. He would look so deep into my eyes.
I took the absolute best care I every could of this little fella. A couple of months ago out of the clear blue he started having seizures, which freeked me out, and they found a small tumor next to his brain, that they said could be treated pretty well with medicine. But he would pace endlessly at night until he just wore out and would come sleep next to me. Had to be difficult for him not being able to control all his pacing back and forth for 2-3 hours at a time.
Three weeks ago, I let him outside for a couple minutes at bedtime just like I always have. That night, April 9 however, he did not come back inside. My wife and I and a neighbor looked for him until 3:00 AM and found nothing. He had never ever gone away before. We took off work and school and looked for a solid week in our subdivision and never found him. We even looked for two hours today. And he wore a bright blue harness.
This has absolutely been killing me. Whenever he did die, I was going to have him cremeated then buried with me when I go. But I don't even have his body which makes it even worse. He was a brilliant dog, and I have to think that he made the decision for us as well as him to end his suffering and leave this world. We have had neighbors help us look everywhere. I have grieved for all my dogs dying in my life, but not like this. I have never bonded like this. It is horrible beyond words. I know I will survive eventually, but right now it doesn't seem so. I did not see this coming. The love of my life is gone and just left a big empty space.
I had dog all my life, but one got to me more than any other I had had. He loved water. he used to chase water down the drain when we lived in the city, and stick his head down the drain trying to work out where it went. One day i moved to the coast and when he saw the sea for the first time he went crazy, jumped out the window of the car, crazy and ran to the sea running up and down its edges until I came down and showed him he could go in. From that day on if he was ever missing from the house I could find him down at the water playing with everybody in the water. He was in paradise, a dog who when I found him as a puppy in the street would likely have never have gone on to see the ocean in his life. Or maybe he had remember the ocean from when he was born and then was brought to the city.
I have depression almost every day when I see water or a swimming pool I feel sad that he is gone. I am against vaccinations because I think that the pharmaceutical industry is poisoning them with cancer viruses. He died of Distemper virus. you can't imagine the guilt and regret i feel. 7 years later he would still be by my side. 7 years later I still feel sad every day I miss him. I can't imagine ever having a dog like that again ,he was by my side 24/7 for 2 years. Yes, at 2 years he got that damned Distemper virus. I tried to make him survive it, but finally it shut down his lungs and I watched him suffocate to death in front of me. I tell you that moment when he died, having nobody else around me in that country Brazil, that was the loneliest I have ever felt in my life. It was a darkness like death itself.
Hi Audrey, reading about griffin has made me realise we all feel the same in concern of grieveing our dogs. I saw some photos and he was a gorgeous dog and you should always remember him with loads of love, I know it’s very hard because I experience this terrible pain as well, I had never loads anyone so dearly. I just had never felt something like this and I’ve been so heartbroken, I just want to go back in time. I keep thinking that I don’t want to forget my Blacky, she passed away 1 month and a half ago at 12. I’m studying in a foreign country since a year and a half ago and there was nothing more heartbreaking for me than leaving my furry babies behind with my parents, and I just kept on wishing that she would stay for longer, that I would be able to say goodbye, she was so strong she didn’t even look old to my eyes. Two days before her passing I felt like I seriously needed to talk with her, I had this terrible urge to see her. I Skyped my mom that night and asked to see the baby that had been with me since I was 9, and she said Blacky wasn’t there, she was at the vet because of a pneumonia. She died 20 hours later of lung failure and my mom ordered the vet to stop trying to revive her, to stop hurting her anymore. I know I shouldn’t be this upset and I should think about the 12 beautiful years she gave me. All the love she had for me as a kid and as I grew up. She was there in my worst moments. But I just ask myself if she sent me a sign, if I had this urge to see her because she was sending me a goodbye, I feel like I failed her, I feel like I wasn’t greatful enough for the beautiful soul she was. Right now I just want to go back to my country to see my family and my other dog that was incredibly bonded to her, but because of responsibilities I can’t go until August and at the same time I dread going there and not see her welcome me at the door, not hear her paws against the wood or her snores. Suddenly the house will be so different and I think I’ll grieve over again as if it had just happened. I have terribly sad dreams about her about how I’ll never see her shiny, kind eyes again, how nothing of her soul remains for me to hug, how I have lost my childhood baby. I know with time I’ll feel better, and what she really wants is for me and all my family to love our other pets the same way we loved her, and that she is waiting for all us, and I can’t wait to see her again one day and tell her I love her more than anything and if she hadn’t been there as my first dog, as my childhood dog, my whole life and me as a person wouldn’t be the same.
Reading your article has helped me realise my grieving is normal too! I had to get my German shepherd Roxy put down year and a half ago and I still cry most days. I had her from a puppy until she was 13.5 years old! She was such a beautiful ginger dog with such a quirky personality! She was so intelligent aswell! She came into my life during a real rough patch and was there to cuddle and talk to through all my life dramas. I genuinely thought of her as my baby and would of given my life for her, which I no sounds stupid to some.
I've thought about getting another dog but no dog could ever compare to Roxy plus I don't think I could go through this heartbreak again!
Sorry for the essay!
Audrey,
You literally explained exactly how I feel. I'm so heartbroken. I was so happy, thankful, grateful and so in love with my Teddy, as a dog. He was a talker too. Just my all around black shadow, that we took everywhere with us. We planned trips around him, we took trips that we knew he'd love. Just as part of our family, everyone of our friends just loved him to death. He was our toy, we were his. He was our pack and we were his. He was our family, and we were his.
I feel so guilty. Like why I didn't notice him changing earlier. And I am angry. I just thought he was getting a little older. I just took him for an ordinary visit because they said he needed a vaccine, and the next thing they tell me is he has bone cancer. WHAT?? no blood work, no nothing. It was such a nightmare. He might have had liver cancer, we only did a ultrasound. No biopsy. No bone cancer either. All I know is he got a vaccine and went totally downhill after that. I felt so helpless. He kept looking at me as to help him. Teddy just turned 10. He passed away a couple weeks later, in my arms with me yelling that I loved him in his ear, and that I was so sorry I couldn't save him. He started to breath again, and then stopped. It was horrible. He died in his own home, with me holding all 90 pounds of him. I miss every single day. I look out the window every morning and tell him good morning! Every night, I say it's time to go nite nite Teddy. I know I could get another dog. There will never in my lifetime, be another Teddy. And it still feels like he was just here 5 minutes ago, like you said. He was my beautiful black soft curly straight furry Australian Shepherd/Border Collie mix. So beautiful. To me anyway. Thank you so much for sharing your story about Griffin. And about how you felt. Somehow, the pain you felt, didn't make me feel so alone on how I felt. I go over and over in my mind, how I could have done things differently. I took such good care of him, and in the end, it didn't really matter. because he died way to soon. I know if I ever do get another dog, I will do things a little differently as far as vet care and vaccines go. Thank you again for your wonderful heartfelt writtings.
You need to forgive yourself. I went thought the same thing 4 years ago. It absolutely devastate me. I did the best I could do at the time. I also learned a lot as well. They are great teachers, unfortunately in death as well. I still cry every once in a while but I know I'll see again.
Hi, first of all thank you for putting your thoughts on the net, put a real lump in my throat. In my 30's now and I've just lost my 2 year old dog to a hit and run... in front of me
In the past I've buried 3 dogs before all of them hurt the same and yes you do move on... but I always had big dogs ( labs/staffs... but my 2 year old was a chihuahua cross - small fluffy and white dog
And I tell you he has been gone 2 weeks and 2 days and I have never felt like this ever - he was special to me in a way I can't even describe x your not on your own in this world and all I can say is it was a pleasure to have had him in my life and one day I hope I do see him again xx
I appreciate your post and hope that time has helped. Your Griffin sounds like he was a special guy! I too lost my dearest friend, Finnegan, a 9.5 year old golden retriever, a month ago today. I have had a very hard time adjusting as he was such a part of my life and such a loyal and true blue friend. I think I will always miss him. He gave me so much comfort and peace in my heart and I miss him dearly. Your words gave me comfort - thank you.
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