report

Ten Names I Would Not Give My Dog

What, me worry? No Alfred E. Neuman is not a dog, not even a Brussels Griffon.
What, me worry? No Alfred E. Neuman is not a dog, not even a Brussels Griffon. | Source

My dog and I had this conversation last week. As a puppy she was light brown and ran through my house like a whirling dervish; I named her “sandstorm”. She is tired of her Arabic name and wants to be called something different.

“The choices are limited,” I explained “since there are some names I would never give a dog.”

“What are they?” she asked.

10. Max, Jake, Buddy, or anything too popular. These overused names would all be off the list if I were to adopt a male dog. Molly, Bella, and Daisy are female dog names I would avoid like the plague. Jack, Cody, and Charlie are almost as bad, and Bailey, Rock, Sam, and Buster are also too popular to use for my dog.

Stop it, dogs, names are nothing to fight about.
Stop it, dogs, names are nothing to fight about. | Source

9. DiOhGee. Besides sounding like she stepped out of a bad Snoop Doggy Dog song, DiOhGee has been used a lot and the comic value is gone. Not every dog has comic value, but at least if she does it shouldn’t be wasted on a bad name.

8. Rover or Spot. Neither one of these are on the “most popular” lists but both names have all the freshness of a moldy dish towel. Spot (at least in Portuguese) is a good name for a spotted goose, but Rover isn´t fit for use.

A dog named Charlie should not be out playing in public.
A dog named Charlie should not be out playing in public. | Source

7. Hitler is not a good name for a dog and one I wouldn’t want to brand my dog with any controversial name. Can you imagine calling his name out in dog park? I wouldn’t want to have a dog named after a mass murderer or a genocidal maniac—have you noticed Charlie fits in several categories? Strike that one off my list, again.

6. Fluffy, Felix, Sylvester, or other cat names. I want my dog to be a dog. Okay, maybe my seven pound Maltese had some masculinity “issues”, but even when his hair was dyed blue he still knew he was a dog.

Dogs with floppy ears do not deserve stupid names.
Dogs with floppy ears do not deserve stupid names. | Source

5. Retard, Dummy, Doofus, or other stupid dog names. A few of them are funny, but would you want a kid named like that? Dopey, Barfy, and Barky rank right up there.

4. Rambo, Rocky, Benji, and other movie dog names. It happens with names but, as everyone who volunteers in an animal shelter knows, it also happens with breeds. As soon as a dog movie comes out and becomes a hit the breed becomes popular the sales go up, and several months later the dogs are dumped at the local humane shelter.

A good new dog name can cause a lot of excitement.
A good new dog name can cause a lot of excitement. | Source

3. Chain, Dishpan, Laptop, or any other objects around my house. This is probably a personal quirk, but I accept that I have a phobia about everyday things. My therapist is trying to help me get over this.

2. Nit, Rit, Jay, or any other word that sounds too much like a basic obedience command. My dog is really smart but…come one! She does get confused.

My dog keeping busy as she waits for an answer.
My dog keeping busy as she waits for an answer. | Source

1. Anything I can´t pronounce. Long words are out. Chinese is out, and Thai…forget about it. It is all Greek to me.

I think she accepts that I am not going to change her name. She is my companion for now, but like all dogs she is going to die too soon.

Her name is beautiful, and when I hear it I will always picture her running on the beach, “attacking” me from behind a sand dune, or just walking by my side when we go out for a last stroll in the middle of the night.

Her name will be one of the few things I can remember her by.

Take a bow, dog.
Take a bow, dog. | Source

Take a bow. Good dog!

More by this Author


Comments 19 comments

DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 3 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

Thanks for coming by and sharing, Eiddwen. Nice to see you again!


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

Another wonderful hub by you.

Voted up and shared.

Have a great day.

Eddy.


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 3 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

That needs to be number 11: Rapper names. NEVER!


Bob Bamberg profile image

Bob Bamberg 3 years ago from Southeastern Massachusetts

I would have thought Tetley a rather dignified alternative. Isn't there a rapper named Ice T? The dog is a retired brood bitch from NY and came with that name.

I think she has some impressive blood lines and Iced Tea is just a fraction of her full name, which is probably something like: Iced Tea That Doesn't Come From A Can But That You Lovingly Brew From Scratch.

Scooter, while engendering visions of a dog with anal sac problems, also engenders visions of a dog with quick, unpredictable movements.


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 3 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

Scooter=the dog who scoots his bottom across the carpet. Maybe that is just my sick mind. I am sure Scooter can be a perfectly benign name, just not one I would use!

Did your neighbors already have a dog named Aspartame? How about Sugar?


Bob Bamberg profile image

Bob Bamberg 3 years ago from Southeastern Massachusetts

What's wrong with Scooter? I think that's a most endearing name. I'm still trying to get used to hearing my neighbors playing with their new dog. Her name is Iced Tea.


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 3 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

Stains is bad in so many ways. Worse than Scooter.


krillco profile image

krillco 3 years ago from Hollidaysburg, PA

I'd never name a dog 'Stains' due to the command problem.


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 3 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

Thanks for commenting, Seeker7! Kids pick some silly names, but you are definitely right--we love them all the more.


Seeker7 profile image

Seeker7 3 years ago from Fife, Scotland

Great hub about dog names!!! I can't believe anyone would still want to call their poor dog 'Rover' or 'Spot' but you never know, maybe some folks like being nostalgic.

My male Border Collie was given his name in the shelter and it's Roy - I didn't like the name at first but it does actually suit him! We've got our 11 month old madam whose called 'Kassy' and that was my young nieces and nephews who picked that one for her, so of course I love it! But have you noticed how some names do suit a dog and others don't?

This was a brilliant and entertaining hub that's really brightened up my evening - thank you!


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 3 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

That is a good one. I think Cujo could be used though, but only if you had a 5 pound Morkie!


Bob Bamberg profile image

Bob Bamberg 3 years ago from Southeastern Massachusetts

Thanks, I think it's interesting, too. I hope more people chime in. Cats and ecology...two lightning rod subjects!

Mentioning Sujo made me think of Cujo...another name that shouldn't be used. I know a person who jokingly used the name when referencing her dog, but Cujo eventually stuck. To those "in the loop" it wasn't an issue but, like you say, "Can you imagine calling his name out in a dog park?"


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 3 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

Years ago I adopted a white dog that showed on the street in front of my B&B covered in mud. I named him "Sujo", which is Portuguese for "Dirty" and after I had bathed him and groomed him no one could understand his name. It wasn´t demeaning at all but every time I called him I thought of our first meeting on the street. I can certainly understand "Mudslide".

Thanks for stopping by and commenting! I am following the comments on your Cat Ecocriminal hub-very interesting.


Bob Bamberg profile image

Bob Bamberg 3 years ago from Southeastern Massachusetts

Friends of mine had this disheveled dog, caked with mud but no tags, show up in their yard. After calls to Animal Control and a brief waiting period they adopted him. They named him Mudslide. I think that's a great name, but others think it's demeaning.

Another fun, thought provoking hub. Voted up and useful.


truthfornow profile image

truthfornow 3 years ago from New Orleans, LA

Funny hub. Had a good time reading it and love your pictures. I think sandstorm is a fine name for your dog.


shaymarie profile image

shaymarie 3 years ago from California

My number one rule: I will never give my dog a name that someone I actually know already has. I'm hoping I never meet a person named Penny...


DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 3 years ago from The Beach of Brazil Author

Annamaeve--that sounds like a great article: "Dog Names That Your Dog Will Ignore"

torrilynn--what a great name. Do you know where it is from? I know Leila, pronounced the same way, is an Arabic name, but have never seen Lalu.


torrilynn profile image

torrilynn 3 years ago

Hi DrMark1961,

thanks for the read of what names not to give your dog.

my dog has a unique name or at least I would like to think which is Lalu

which is pronounced Lay-Luh. I didn't give her the name but I like it all the same

thanks again. voted up and shared.


annemaeve profile image

annemaeve 3 years ago from Philly Burbs

Good rules to live by. I name all my animals after vodkas, so I picked Pravda for my first dog. Very quickly changed it to Avi since nobody could spell it. He ignores both equally, so I'm not sure which one he would prefer.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article