Ten Names I Would Not Give My Dog
My dog and I had this conversation last week. As a puppy she was light brown and ran through my house like a whirling dervish; I named her “sandstorm”. She is tired of her Arabic name and wants to be called something different.
“The choices are limited,” I explained “since there are some names I would never give a dog.”
“What are they?” she asked.
10. Max, Jake, Buddy, or anything too popular. These overused names would all be off the list if I were to adopt a male dog. Molly, Bella, and Daisy are female dog names I would avoid like the plague. Jack, Cody, and Charlie are almost as bad, and Bailey, Rock, Sam, and Buster are also too popular to use for my dog.
9. DiOhGee. Besides sounding like she stepped out of a bad Snoop Doggy Dog song, DiOhGee has been used a lot and the comic value is gone. Not every dog has comic value, but at least if she does it shouldn’t be wasted on a bad name.
8. Rover or Spot. Neither one of these are on the “most popular” lists but both names have all the freshness of a moldy dish towel. Spot (at least in Portuguese) is a good name for a spotted goose, but Rover isn´t fit for use.
7. Hitler is not a good name for a dog and one I wouldn’t want to brand my dog with any controversial name. Can you imagine calling his name out in dog park? I wouldn’t want to have a dog named after a mass murderer or a genocidal maniac—have you noticed Charlie fits in several categories? Strike that one off my list, again.
6. Fluffy, Felix, Sylvester, or other cat names. I want my dog to be a dog. Okay, maybe my seven pound Maltese had some masculinity “issues”, but even when his hair was dyed blue he still knew he was a dog.
5. Retard, Dummy, Doofus, or other stupid dog names. A few of them are funny, but would you want a kid named like that? Dopey, Barfy, and Barky rank right up there.
4. Rambo, Rocky, Benji, and other movie dog names. It happens with names but, as everyone who volunteers in an animal shelter knows, it also happens with breeds. As soon as a dog movie comes out and becomes a hit the breed becomes popular the sales go up, and several months later the dogs are dumped at the local humane shelter.
3. Chain, Dishpan, Laptop, or any other objects around my house. This is probably a personal quirk, but I accept that I have a phobia about everyday things. My therapist is trying to help me get over this.
2. Nit, Rit, Jay, or any other word that sounds too much like a basic obedience command. My dog is really smart but…come one! She does get confused.
1. Anything I can´t pronounce. Long words are out. Chinese is out, and Thai…forget about it. It is all Greek to me.
I think she accepts that I am not going to change her name. She is my companion for now, but like all dogs she is going to die too soon.
Her name is beautiful, and when I hear it I will always picture her running on the beach, “attacking” me from behind a sand dune, or just walking by my side when we go out for a last stroll in the middle of the night.
Her name will be one of the few things I can remember her by.
Take a bow. Good dog!