The Top 5 Worst Pets

Animals are great. There is no denying the fact that life would not be the same without them. Pets are a vision of our better natures, masters of the wisdom and simplicity we wish we could attain in our lives.

But let's face it, some animals are better left outside of the home and should really not be sold in pet stores, much less anywhere where someone might find them. These are either animals that are more difficult to keep than advertised, or animals so vicious, so destructive, that it's a wonder they are still offered for sale nation-wide. Some animals just make the worst pets.


The views expressed on this Hub are mostly somewhat to entirely satirical and should not be taken to the grave. Some animals on this list genuinely do not make good pets for beginners, however, and it is recommended that you do the proper research before purchasing any animal, anywhere.

"I'm gonna poop all over your room!"
"I'm gonna poop all over your room!"

#5. Parakeets

Also known as budgies, budgerigars, and miserable freaks of nature, parakeets are small parrots indigenous throughout Australia (the same place that supports a splendid array of other friendly creatures). They eat a modest diet of seeds, vegetation, and human blood, while screaming and beeping continuously in a cacophony that fills the air and deafens the ear. After all, they spend their time traveling together in flocks of the thousands, so they have to be able to hear one another over all that racket.

That's a lot of dang birds.
That's a lot of dang birds.

Some melodious parrot undulations for you:

You have every right to be terrified, little girl.
You have every right to be terrified, little girl.

Parakeets have the honor of being scientifically classified as Melopsittacus undulatus, which in Latin literally means 'melodious parrot undulations.' Yes, it's true. The melodious sound of their mechanical squeals are reminiscent of a dying chipmunk, punctuated by all the warbling nonsense of a senile patient. The continuous buzz of their annoyingly pervasive song is enough to make one succumb to an anger only witnessed in those who have survived fingernails on chalkboard.

As one might assume from their horrible noises, parakeets are downright mean. Look at how this one completely ignores his friend's pleas for a turn at the seed jar. What a selfish jerk. In fact, birds get a kick out of teasing others. They can frequently be seen plucking, pecking, wing bashing, and generally taunting their fellow mates for sport. Some people claim that this is "funny" or "cute" because birds are so like us in that we choose similar outlets for our boredom, but they would be wrong. Well, actually, they would be right, but it doesn't make this behavior any less despicable.

Speaking of their beastly behaviors... Have you ever tried to catch a parakeet in a cage? This sounds like a fairly easy endeavor, but it is unfortunately a dangerous dance with the devil. They never want to come out, and removing them from their wiry home is about as easy as wading through a crocodile infested river, and just as equally safe. Parakeets are equipped with stupid little beaks and a blunt brain, which they use in unison to bite onto any inch of your skin that is exposed. Once latched, they will scissor their beaks back and forth in a vicious, pinching, gnawing fashion, which is both painful and infuriating.

How can such a small animal inflict so much pain, you may wonder? Why are they so full of hate? Just more of the many mysteries of the universe. But something that is no mystery are the sheer mountains of poop that they will generate over a very small span of time. Every parakeet owner will come to find that parakeets poop on beds, carpets, your clothes, and even your hair. They constantly poop. Poop is all over the place.

So, do you like obnoxious little birds that shed dandruff and rain feces from the ceiling while simultaneosly eying you up to target the most sensitive areas on your hand (the skin between your fingers)? If so, then you're in luck! Every pet store on the face of the planet has approximately 2 million of these irritating little things!

"Blub blub blubbity blub."
"Blub blub blubbity blub."

#4. Goldfish

Did you know that the common goldfish can grow up to one foot long!? No? Congratulations, you are the typical human being.

In actuality, there are a lot of things about goldfish you probably don't know. Such as the fact that, for their size, they are possibly the dirtiest non-aggressive freshwater fish available in pet stores. Does this mean they survive in bowls?


...Unless this is what you enjoy seeing. Sicko.
...Unless this is what you enjoy seeing. Sicko.
The ideal tank for a goldfish is, above all, a TANK, with adequate circulation and fresh plants. It is also most likely out of your price range and level of patience.
The ideal tank for a goldfish is, above all, a TANK, with adequate circulation and fresh plants. It is also most likely out of your price range and level of patience.
Fun fact: did you know that many goldfish turn silver or white as they age?
Fun fact: did you know that many goldfish turn silver or white as they age?

There exists a large amount of uneducated people who believe that goldfish can survive splendidly in bowls, because, well, they had a goldfish in a bowl when they were a kid that survived a whole year! Well boy howdy, inform the presses, what geniuses they must be to know more about goldfish than Ichthyologists and professional aquarists all across the planet. Goldfish actually have the ability to live over 30 years.

The ridiculousness of those defending the "long lifespan" of their 6-month or 1-year goldfish is about as laughable as someone saying they did a great job with their last Rottweiler because it survived a whole week under their care.

Most people pick up goldfish at the pet store with nothing but a bowl and some fish flakes to go. This is a mistake. And will most assuredly always end in a fish that lives but a fraction of its typical life, which undoubtedly will result in both a crying child and more money for yet another, and another, and another replacement. To adequately keep a goldfish, one is recommended to provide 5 gallons per inch of fish and a filter that both circulates and cleans the water, which will by this time be full of ammonia because goldfish are such filthy little creatures. This is all not even to mention the entirety of what we call the Nitrogen Cycle, also known as The Ridiculously Complicated And Delicate Life of Water Chemicals And Bacteria in Domestic Aquariums.

People are constantly flabbergasted as to why their goldfish, or any fish, die all the time, and it's probably because they haven't done their proper research. Parasites, nitrites, ammonia, pH, hardness, temperature, tank size, adequate filtration systems, appropriate day/night cycles, and oxygenation are just a few of the little gems you'll have to deal with when setting up a proper (eg: anything that you intend to last longer than a few weeks) tank.

If all of this headache sounds like a trip to the fun fair, then goldfish might be the perfect pet for you! And lucky for you, you can acquire goldfish at most fun fairs worldwide.

"Tee hee, come pet my belly! I promise I won't disarticulate your phalanges."
"Tee hee, come pet my belly! I promise I won't disarticulate your phalanges."

#3. Hamsters

Like most evil things, hamsters have the outward appearance of being cute, fluffy, cuddly, and all things that girls are for some reason drawn to. In fact, when girls see hamsters, they elicit instantaneous squeals and coos of perturbing obsession that only seem to become harsher in volume and irascibility depending on their direct relation to the fluffy little freaks. But before you reach a hand into that Critter Trail to give your cuddly new pet a tickle, consider the following:

"Hey, do you mind giving me your finger real quick? This will just take a second."
"Hey, do you mind giving me your finger real quick? This will just take a second."

Hamsters are absolutely terrifying.

It is a well known fact that hamsters are blood thirsty killers that will not only bite through your fingers without a second thought, but they will also brazenly take on Russians. In fact, there are few things in life that hamsters will not attempt to puncture full of holes, and the only thing they hate more than fingers is apparently everything. Even metal is no match for the destructive power of these hateful biting machines.

Through means of genius deception and cut-throat tactics, hamsters have established themselves within millions of homes all throughout America. They are in rooms with your sons. They inhabit the same living spaces as your daughters. They pander to your child's ridiculous interest in weird rodents enough for you to buckle under the pressure and buy one, two, or five, and then, once they have settled themselves into their new home, the bloodbath begins.

A dwarf hamster screaming for no damn reason:

With all the equipment of a barracuda and the brain of only a small caterpillar, these animals are about as trustworthy as a blonde driving a fully functional Panzer through the downtown streets of Seattle. Do not be fooled by the chubby arms and beady little eyes of these popular pet store vermin. Those colorless peepers are windows into the inky blackness of the hamster's nonexistent soul, God's only warning that would stop us from otherwise hugging a giant wriggling, screaming pile of them.

And oh, the screaming! They sound like a... Well, they sound like a dying hamster.

In addition to their less than pleasant bedside manner, hamster urine is highly acidic and extremely difficult to clean. If left for just a week, it can cake, stain, permeate, and even begin to erode plastic. Don't even get me started on the smell...

With eyes reminiscent of a Jurassic Park raptor, a green iguana knows your every fear and desire.
With eyes reminiscent of a Jurassic Park raptor, a green iguana knows your every fear and desire.

#2. Green Iguanas

What a cutie! Such intelligent eyes! Neato burrito, only $30 bucks? It's small, colorful, fun to watch, and cheap - what could be a better combination? Green iguanas: best pet ever?

Green iguanas: worst pet ever.

Green iguanas are green and flashy, beautiful and exotic, pragmatic and active, and full of babies. But soon enough you'll notice that your cuddly little squamata starts wearing out his novelty by constantly breaking curfew, bringing his irresponsible friends over whenever you're out of town, and of course magically disappearing all of the liquor in your cabinets. Plus you'll find yourself staring at this ugly mug all day.

This individual has learned the hard way what just one dangerous choice made in Petco could result in.
This individual has learned the hard way what just one dangerous choice made in Petco could result in.
"Hahahah but seriously I'm going to impregnate you."
"Hahahah but seriously I'm going to impregnate you."
This man here is experiencing the full force of a green iguana flash mob.
This man here is experiencing the full force of a green iguana flash mob.

Unsuspecting American citizens all across the country walk into pet stores with only the best intentions in mind, looking for a new best friend. Unfortunately these ignoramuses are doomed upon entry, for the mere sight of a baby green iguana is near impossible to resist. Like the infamous Edward Cullen, the sparklyness of a young green iguana's body is designed to attract males and females alike, stirring in them an intoxicating, alien fascination that will undoubtedly end in a tale of pregnancy gone horribly wrong.

Or it could just end in lighter wallet. But who wants to play chicken with a pregnancy test?

These animals seem easy to manage in the pet store, but really they are expensive money pits that require constant UVB lighting, UVA lighting, heat, nutritional supplements, extensive saladry, climbing materials, baths, and medical care should something go wrong (and believe me, something always goes wrong)! Metabolic bone disease, gout, hypothyroidism, kidney diseases, stomatitis, ticks, mites, roundworms and flatworms are all just examples of the things a typical green iguana owner will come to witness.

Green iguanas have become invasive in some states, namely Florida, where they toss about eating peoples' shrubs and digging holes wherever they fancy. They also like to poop in peoples' pools, which is cool I guess if you like animals pooping in your pool.

Not only that, but as pets, green iguanas quickly grow from being a bright green, 6-inch individual to a 6 feet long, dull gray monster capable of scratching your eyes out, biting your pinkies off, and lashing your bare skin with its powerful whip of a tail. But then again, I can't really blame any animal that wants to whip a cat in the face, seeing as how they are...

Cute and cuddly? Not exactly.
Cute and cuddly? Not exactly.

#1. Cats

You may be wondering how anyone could call cats the worst pets ever when there are over 80 million cats kept as pets in the United States alone. Surely cats must be great due to the large influx of their popularity in American homes. But the truth of the matter is that cats are terrible and would sooner watch you drown in the bathtub than please you by correctly using the litter box.

Cats simply have no time for bull ****.

"What the **** are you looking at?"
"What the **** are you looking at?"
"I wanted FANCY FEAST, not MEOW MIX, you imbecilic fool!"
"I wanted FANCY FEAST, not MEOW MIX, you imbecilic fool!"

It's true. Cats are not interested in the least bit of happiness, sadness, or anger you express, nor are they particularly moved by any affection you may offer them. These selfish beasts are under the impression that the world revolves around them, worthy of nothing less than to be doted on 24/7. Constantly dissatisfied with every toy, treat, meal, and game you offer them, cats only seem interested in pooping under your bed, peeing on your pillows, dragging dead (or not so dead) birds to either rot or ricochet about your house, and lastly, of course, hurting you.

This poor little girl became aware of the contemptible characteristics of cats early on when her own long lost pet thanked her for her continuing care by sinking its fangs into her hand. What a jerk. Compare that train wreck of ungratefulness with this video of a dog being reunited with his owner.

This young girl was attacked by a cat after offering it food, and had to receive 27 stitches. The cat, of course, was left alone by authorities to continue its miserable race of child assaulting degenerates.
This young girl was attacked by a cat after offering it food, and had to receive 27 stitches. The cat, of course, was left alone by authorities to continue its miserable race of child assaulting degenerates.
Mmm-mmm, toxoplasma!
Mmm-mmm, toxoplasma!

For being such demanding, self-centered beasts, cats get away with a lot. They are allowed to roam free in your neighbor's yards (this is called being an "outdoor cat"), dig up gardens or children's sandboxes to plant festering piles of defecation in, steal things, decimate wildlife, and even attack small children in the face. Feral cats are even allowed protection, meals, and spay/neuter programs despite the fact that are invasive, destructive, murderous, disease-spreading packs of wild animals.

Dogs could never get away with this kind of reckless behavior. Packs of feral dogs are captured and destroyed if they are not adoptable, and any attack made by a dog on a child would result in the animal's immediate euthanasia. But cats are free to run willy nilly through the countryside, spreading their AIDs to the rest of the feline populace and causing little girls worldwide to burst into tears.

Speaking of spreading diseases, enter one parasite by the name of Toxoplasma gondii. This bizarre creature has the ability to infect you and not only threaten the life of your baby (if you are pregnant), but also alter your mental state. In simpler words, this protozoa can control your brain by releasing endorphins whenever you smell cat urine. Crazy cat ladies just started to make a lot more sense! Additionally, Toxoplasmosis carried by feral cats into wilderness areas is causing a slew of diseases in wild animals, including deer and whales.

Detrimental to our native animals through means of predation and disease, harmful to our children and potentially to our pregnant women, the destructive forces of cats far outweigh any other pet animal known to man due to the sheer number of feral and outdoor individuals (which according to the Stray Pet Advocacy is somewhere between 18 and 87 million). All this makes the subtly refined cat, shrouded in a cloak of mock innocence, the worst pet ever.

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Comments 64 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Anybody who puts cats at the top of their list is a friend of mine. Very funny hub from my home state friend. Excellent job!

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 4 years ago from Washington state Author

Woo hoo, Washingtonians unite! :D

shea duane profile image

shea duane 4 years ago from new jersey

Very funny. I however love cats and have been called the crazy cat lady of (insert name of towns where i have lived). I have two dogs, one of whom dug a hole in my house, yes house, when I was sick one day and my husband left her out for a whole hour! Living with another being, human or otherwise ain't easy... but i prefer cats over dallas cowboy fans.

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 4 years ago from Washington state Author

Can't blame you there! In all honesty, I miss the cats that I had as a child - they were so wonderful to have around :)

Ausemade profile image

Ausemade 4 years ago from Australia

Shaddie, this is very funny... you should have put the disclaimer at the end, then as I read the hub, I would have been mortified first, rolled over in laughter second, then seeing the disclaimer at the end I would be assured that this was all in good fun... although that poor child... I love your photos... voted up

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 4 years ago from Washington state Author

Ausemade, I considered putting the Disclaimer at the bottom, but sometimes people have the tendency to read half an article, and in a fit of rage vote a Hub down and leave a nasty comment :P I may do it eventually, I was worried at first that this Hub would be too sarcastic for Hubpages...

coolenconnections profile image

coolenconnections 4 years ago from Toronto

Funny Hub with so much truth. I wish people did their homework before buying an animal. I have a pair of lovebirds who after 8 years started producing babies and won't stop. I give them away but when placing an ad I list all the "negative" things about owning birds to weed out the impulse adopters and to make sure they end up in experienced homes. I wish you could neuter birds :) Great photos,voted up!

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 4 years ago from Washington state Author

Oh goodness, silly lovebirds! More often then not I hear stories about how people purchased their love bird in hopes that it would be cuddly and loving...only to find that they are not as personable as some other parrots :( At least yours love each other, haha.

Melissa A Smith profile image

Melissa A Smith 4 years ago from New York

You're right about iguanas and their unfortunate presence in pet stores. Mine is my oldest pet and I've had her since middle school (I'm 24 now). She's not 6 feet, but she has bitten my face once when my dog was trying to get her. But she's cute!

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 4 years ago from Washington state Author

I've met very few people who actually know what they're getting into when they purchase an iguana. I have no doubt that you are one of the few :) And they can be quite cute, especially the big chubby males!

alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

A funny way to end my day. I'd like to add that one of the nice things about goldfish is that just when you get tired of them, they die ;) Voting this Up and Funny.

mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

I really enjoyed reading this. I have had every pet you mention except an iguana. I refuse to even look at one of these ugly creatures. I voted this Hub UP, etc.etc. and I'm sharing!

moonlake profile image

moonlake 4 years ago from America

I love cats, parakeets and goldfish. My son had an Iguana in our house, he was ok didn't do much. The kids had hamsters. I wasn't really crazy about them.

You left out snakes and how they are also invasive in Florida.

Enjoyed reading your hub.

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 4 years ago from Washington state Author

Moonlake, I'm sad to see you bringing up the subject of Burmese pythons in Florida because it is a topic I am incredibly passionate about.

The Burmese python incidents in Florida are very real, but largely overrated. Even the show Python Hunters suffers from the lack of Burmese pythons to hunt - they have to air entire shows full of them doing entirely non-pythin hunting things. If you are not familiar with the show, which airs on NatGeo Wild, I would recommend you listen to this recording of them talking about their show: I would also recommend this link: and this link:

Burmese pythons, and any invasive snake for that matter, are only an issue in the southern portions of Florida (where it is warm throughout all seasons and a "true winter" is not experienced). They struggle to survive even a year in states such as Texas and California, where cooler temperatures in the fall regularly wipe them out. In any case, invasive snakes in Florida are dwarfed in comparison to the problems caused by feral hogs and, naturally, feral cats.

Snakes are actually, in my opinion, one of the greatest, simplest, cost effective and beautifully designed pets a person could own. They have extremely low care requirements and they present us with hundreds of different kinds, colors, shapes, sizes, and behaviors. Exceptionally clean, noiseless, and undemanding, I would recommend a snake to anyone who is willing to experience a reptile pet. I think they have been given an unfortunate bad reputation due to society's perception that snakes are inherently evil or dangerous.

Even though this Hub is somewhat satirical, the last thing snakes need right now is more sensationalism. They get enough of that from the media. However, I do thank you for your comments and the time you take to read my articles and I hope our disagreement on this matter does not ruin your opinion of me otherwise :)

midget38 profile image

midget38 4 years ago from Singapore

Beautiful hub and detailed information. We all have varied opinions on pets.....agree with some things, disagree with others...but you've communicated your ideas in a truly engaging, well-organized way. You really should give hub tool lessons!

50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 4 years ago from Arizona

Great hub, funny humor you have, I enjoyed it. I have kept many a strange pet, but have slid into knowing Rottys well and have had a good number out live their projected life by double. Sweet dogs.

Voted up, thanks for the entertaining write!



Mei Eden profile image

Mei Eden 4 years ago from Houston, TX

This hub is hilarious and so true!! I had a dwarf hamster at one time, and it was cute as a button.... until you put a hand in its cage. They're ferocious little critters. Voted up!

moonlake profile image

moonlake 4 years ago from America

Sorry I didn't mean for you to think I was in any kind of disagreement with you over snakes. I just thought that they were also invasive in Fl. If you say their not that's fine with me.

I don't hate snakes. Our kids had snakes but only the little garden snakes. We see snakes in our garden now. I would never think about killing them. I can safely say I don't like rattle snakes or any snake that can kill me if they bite.

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 4 years ago from Washington state Author

No worries, Moonlake. They are invasive in Florida, but it is not as big a deal as the news would like you to believe, in my opinion. Having a healthy fear of rattlesnakes, however, that's...well, healthy! :)

DrMark1961 profile image

DrMark1961 4 years ago from The Beach of Brazil

This is great, Shaddie, but the worst part of all is that I have had all of those pets. After being ravaged by a hamster and watching my goldfish go belly up in their bowl (I think I was about 6 when I tried to clean their water with chlorinated city water), I am not sure I really agree with the disclaimer. So why do cats get to run around and kill all my wild birds, anyway?

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 4 years ago from Washington state Author

Truthfully I only put that disclaimer there to give peace of mind to the radical cat owners on Hubpages. Cats really are my least favorite available pet, they are fantastically destructive in a variety of different ways - yet they are revered and loved by all for reasons mysterious to me.

Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 4 years ago from Virginia

I liked your list of worst pets.....I am 50/50 on cats....I think when you have young children it is just a problem waiting to happen....the picture of the little girl would be my greatest fear for my little girls. As for goldfish....I must be buying the wrong ones....they do not seem to last very long in my house...much less lasting long enough to reach a 12 inches in length. Very funny lines about hamsters and lots of information on parakeets. Voted up and interesting....a pleasure to read this hub.

Ghost32 4 years ago

Hunh! You had me with the Female Animated Critters Hub, then lost me on this one. ALTHOUGH...come to think of wife, who is dearly beloved by nearly every wild animal out there, has only ever been bitten once--and that by a hamster in a pet store that was guaranteed gentle, uh-huh.

CATS, though, are in my book the cat's meow. I'm one of those rare dudes who dotes on kitties and refuses to own a dog--after having owned a few of the canine freaks in my younger years. Had ONE good one out of several and had to let her go (to a very good home, thank you) due to lack of living space at one point.

Our two cats are absolutely awesome. One is part bobcat, the other part Margay (and something like half Siamese). Gato (what else) got out of the house (they're indoor cats only) on July 30, figured he was dead and eaten in this wilderness desert the average boar javelina has a tough time surviving...but he showed back up 3 weeks and half a day later, thin but not a scratch on him. Beyond that, not a tick, flea, or even an ear mite.

AND they APPRECIATE us humans. Smarter'n any dumb ol' dogs, too.

Then there's the leopard gecko, but she stays in her goldfish bowl--I mean, her cage....

Voted Up and Across.

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 4 years ago from Washington state Author

Well there you go, that's why you love your cats so much. They've got bobcat and margay blood in 'em ;) When I say "cats" I mean the domestic tabby kind that ignorant people enjoy letting outside to wreak havoc on every creature they come across. I highly doubt you would allow your much more expensive (and intelligent) felids to run rampant where cars and monsters could get at them. Getting out by accident is one thing (I'm glad yours survived to return), but my biggest beef with cats and cat owners is simply the fact that it's somehow socially acceptable for them to be roaming around outside, taking their toll on wildlife. I am in no way a feline hater, and I have my eyes set on a serval kitten in the coming years.

I laughed at your leopard gecko comment ;) Thanks for the read and the votes!

John 4 years ago

What about Ferrets? Rabbits or Hedgehogs? Ferrets smell, Rabbits poop everywhere and Hedgehogs can be aggressive if not tamed properly.

Suck it 3 years ago

This was Deffinently a personal opinion. My cats are none of those stated above. My oldest likes to cuddle and when I cry sits in my bed with me. My youngest plays fetch and loves to sleep on you. They are neither of anything stated above. And never have I gotten a dead animal dragged into the house.

P.S both are tabbies.

Suck it 3 years ago

Also I have only been attacked once because when I was five I chased him around the house and tried to grab his tale and I got scratched in the face. Never did that again and neither did her.

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 3 years ago from Washington state Author

"...smell...poop...can be aggressive if not tamed properly."

John, you just described every animal ever.

vibesites profile image

vibesites 3 years ago from United States

Some cats are really sweet... some will just blankly stare at you. Hehehehe.

I was bitten by a hamster once, only because I wanted to look at her litter.

Great hub Shaddie, stating the facts but they're delivered in a humorous tone. Voted up and a following. :)

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 3 years ago from Washington state Author

Thanks, Capsule :)

Lioness 3 years ago

Haha, very funny! I loved your description of owning a budgie and cat. I'm a dog enthusiast myself :)

Arwen 3 years ago

I laughed especially at the hamster part. I am one of those victims (ha ha). When me and my sister were children my parents took the offer of taking someones hamsters. They were mean escape artist who breed like crazy. My parents ended up giving them to a school teacher. I have a green cheek conure. The first bird I had was a budgie (which I tamed) but they are feisty birds. You are right about iguanas and goldfish.

anonymous 3 years ago

I don't agree with some of your writing. The Budgerigar or the Parakeet is in fact the best pet and is the most lovable animal. They are intelligent affectionate cute and lovable. I think their voices are cute and they can also be taught to talk. They can be aggressive and bite but so do most other Parrot species. At least it wont break off your finger like a Macaw can. Its bite is actually harmless. Yes it poops a lot but that's Nature. The biggest drawbacks to owning these birds are their very small size and their delicateness and the fact that they are sadly prone to health issues such as cancer. The Budgerigar is the finest bird and the finest animal in my view. It is NOT one of the worst pets as you say. It is one of the best pets. I love Budgerigars. You also criticize Green Iguanas. These happen to be one of the most intelligent responsive and affectionate reptiles. The problem with Green Iguanas is their large size and heating and lighting requirements and large specimens can cause injury. But they certainly don't deserve to be categorized as one of the worst pets. Neither do Hamsters belong on the list of worst pets. Cats have their drawbacks such as biting scratching and killing and eating animals. But they are also affectionate intelligent loving pets. You show a picture of a girl whose face is badly scratched up by a cat. Not all cats behave like this. Your list leaves a lot to be desired. The worst pets would be frogs newts salamanders and other amphibians as they require a lot of maintenance and require animal prey and are not at all affectionate with their owners. Most if not all amphibians have poisonous skin secretions and its not even recommended to hold them. Some are repulsive and some have dangerous bites capable of amputating a finger. Some people enjoy them so to each his own.

Shaddie profile image

Shaddie 3 years ago from Washington state Author

It is obvious you did not read the "warning" heading this article. This Hub was created with the left over resentment-turned-satire that I acquired through many, many fruitless years working at various pet stores (corporate and non) in the past. People who don't know what they are doing often have similar purchasing behaviors, and will typically zone in on the above-mentioned animals because they are marketed as being small, manageable, easy creatures to care for. Returns are common, sometimes within days or weeks. Not all the animals survive (it's typically fish and reptiles that suffer).

This article was largely written to be absurd. I obviously have nothing against people who want to properly own these animals, and have had them all in the past myself. Some were pleasant experiences, but most were mistakes. If I could do things over again when I was younger, I would personally choose to own a different but similar counterpart over each one of the animals listed on here, simply because, as I have grown and learn and experienced several facets of exotic pet keeping, there are far superior choices that people may not be aware of or overlook because of their price. But that in and of itself should be a warning right there - choosing a pet that's cheap and potentially boring or terrible, over a pet that is expensive and better suited for your lifestyle, is never the right choice. Gerbils and rats fill the same niche as hamster do, yet they can often live together (which hamsters cannot) and are less prone to biting. Cockatiels, conures, and caiques fill the same niche as parakeets, yet they are handleable and are extremely interactive. Most parakeets prefer the company of other birds to the company of a person, and the most they will tolerate is sitting on your hand or shoulder (you cannot usually "play" with them like you can other parrots). A lizard option that is not an iguana could be a uromastyx. They come in a variety of striking colors and some have beautiful markings. They are vegetarian, and do not exceed 2 feet in length. They are as docile or more than bearded dragons, and make excellent companions. These are just examples, but again, in real life I have no problem with someone owning these pets. Apparently a warning header is not enough for some people to understand a joke ;)

Speaking of jokes, I have never in all my life heard of a frog biting someone's finger, or any other body part, off. I am pretty positive that this is impossible.

anonymous 3 years ago

Budgerigars are very affectionate and loving with their human owners. But it takes patience and time to tame them. I've had a Budgerigar which was the most wonderful and loving pet. It would come to me and it would sing to me. It could speak four words. It would sing to the electronic computer I had. It was a talented singer. It was loving and adorable. And cute and colorful. The Budgerigar is the best pet bird in my opinion. My favorite lizards are Anoles Old World Chameleons Geckos and small Agamas. Monitors Tegus are dangerous and are off limits to me. Some kinds of Amphibians have deadly poisonous skin secretions such as the Arrow poison frogs and some amphibians have a dangerous bite. Large salamanders have a nasty bite and the African Bullfrog can literally slice off fingers with their jaws. American Bullfrogs can also give a painful bite as can the tropical Horned Frogs. Frogs are the stupidest animal pet. Even fish are more intelligent and more affectionate than frogs. Lizards such as Anoles are way better pets than frogs. A frog is like a pet rock. For the heavy maintenance it requires its hardly worth the effort keeping them unless one really likes them or if one is studying them for their biology. The fact that frogs indiscriminately gobble up anything that moves is also disturbing. While I don't mind if they gobble up venomous spiders and mosquitoes I do get angry when they prey on small songbirds. The drawback to lizards is that few of them are affectionate with people and nearly all of them require animal food which would be anything from insects to live mammals. Its unconscionable to feed them mice and rats. I suffer from squeamishness. Its gross and repulsive. Crickets mealworms and superworms are also repulsive. I hate snakes as most of them are repulsive and most of them are cranky and bad tempered and many are venomous. The large constrictors such as boas pythons and anacondas can kill people. Florida is teeming with escaped pythons. They are a threat to pets and people and they are decimating the local wildlife. Its an ecological nightmare. The keeping of large snakes such as pythons should be illegal. Large pythons can kill and eat leopards crocodiles and alligators and can kill an average sized human in 3 minutes. I don't think even a bodybuilder can break loose from the coils of a 20 foot python. It's a painful horrible way to die. One man who survived the coils of a python said that it felt like a car was standing on my chest. This man narrowly escaped being killed as he was rescued by several other men nearby who untangled the snake. I would say this would be one of the worst pets. And yet there are people who enjoy keeping these dangerous repulsive animals. People don't understand how powerful they are and how evil they can be. They're not venomous but they have numerous teeth and a bite is very painful damaging and messy. Tarantulas scorpions and centipedes are venomous. Some Tarantulas are bad tempered and some have very painful venoms which can cause serious sickness. The Indian Ornamental Tarantulas can cause agonizing pain sweating nausea vomiting muscular cramps. The Orange Baboon Tarantula of Africa is incredibly aggressive and its bite causes unimaginable pain which has been described as having an iron on ones body or being set on fire. The pain is said to be one of the most agonizing venoms in the animal kingdom. I don't know why anyone would own one. There are people who like large spiders so to each bis own. Personally I prefer Bermit Crabs.

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Shaddie 3 years ago from Washington state Author

What is a Bermit Crab?

Again, I don't know where you're accumulating your facts, but this is just laughable. In addition to nearly every single statement you have spewed here like pointless diarrhea, the idea of any frog having the strength to bite off fingers is ridiculous. And a fun fact for you: "poison dart frogs" are not poisonous in captivity, but it is not surprising that you did not know this information as I can clearly tell you pass judgement on animals without researching, working with, or doubtfully even seeing them with your own eyes. I'm not even going to tackle your mess of snake-related, media-spawned fear mongering.

Dogs and horses are the most dangerous pets known to man. What do you have to say about these beasts, who occasionally tear out the throats of children or smash their owners' skulls in? Are all of them "evil" as well?

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Shaddie 3 years ago from Washington state Author

When someone takes a Hub that is not serious too seriously, I don't know what to say. Especially when proper warnings are set into place. I have mentioned multiple times that this Hub was satire, and not intended for a legitimate source of information or personal offense. So when you come in here a) becoming offended that I listed a few animals on this list that you happen to like and then b) taking the time to tell me that frogs pull off fingers and snakes are inherently evil, I'm afraid my ability to be "polite" runs dry.

African bullfrogs cannot amputate fingers. They, Budgett's frogs, Pacman frogs and some of the larger members of the Rana family can draw blood from a well aimed bite, that is a fact. But so can fish. And parakeets, which do it a lot more than frogs and fish combined.

Gcrhoads64 profile image

Gcrhoads64 3 years ago from North Dakota

I love this hub! It was hilarious!

"The melodious sound of their mechanical squeals are reminiscent of a dying chipmunk, punctuated by all the warbling nonsense of a senile patient. " Too funny!


Friend of no one 3 years ago

So a 3 ft 4 ft ball python can kill you smooth, smooth not all snakes are dangerous now I will not defend the burmese or the retic but I do agree that most cats are quite ignorant but there are exceptions. I am also a bit surprised rats aren't on this list they are terrible for the same reasons as hamsters but bigger and meaner, a lot meaner.

LensMan999 profile image

LensMan999 3 years ago from Trans-Neptunian region

Never thought of such a thing. I love pets a lot and especially gold fish.But the information you included in your hub about gold fish were entirly new to me. never even thought that gold fish could live for 30 years.

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Grant N.Z 3 years ago from New Zealand

very good hub. I have a budgie, he shakes hands, plays soccer. He never makes budgie sounds at all. Just talks constatly. He is not interested in biteing hands or fingers. He is very very tame. But yes most people buy a budgie and are to impatiant when taming. They never get a trust type bond and end up with exactly the budgie you discribe. Pet shops can be horrible places. We don't have snakes in NZ or hamsters. I used to like cats, but have read about how many birds each cat will kill in its lifespan and its to many. In A.U. cats are shot if seen out at night,buy law they must be locked inside at night. Cheers Grant

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Shaddie 3 years ago from Washington state Author

Grant, I love Australia's aggressive take on invasive species control. The United States could learn a lot from them! Thanks for taking a read through this Hub, I'm glad you have a budgie that isn't a menace :)

Anonymous 3 years ago

This is really stupid. Every pet except the iguanas should not be on here. Iguanas should only be on here because no one but the most experienced reptile owners should have them. All the other animals make wonderful pets, if they are treated correctly. I have every animal on here but the iguana, and I have ones tat are very affectionate and others that are more standoffish. All that means is you should not force them to do something or the will protest. People are the same way. Would say people are awful because some are really mean? Also, to what someone else said, rats aw amazing pets. I have yet to meet one that bites unless you just stick your finger in the cage and leave it there. By the way, I have 5 of my own and have rescued/ rehomed over 30, several from very bad situations and none have been "evil". The same goes for the rest. My family does unofficial rescue as well as foster for local shelters and we have never encountered an "evil" animal we could not earn the trust of.

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Stephanie7889 3 years ago from Fountain, CO

I literally laughed out loud at hamster sections. I worked at a Pet Smart for about a year, and there was nothing more terrifying that trying to clean out the hamster cages. Before we could sell them, we had to disclose that the hamsters were "territorial," and that's why they bite. We would dangle a rag in the cage and watch them all latch on and hang... there is seriously nothing more evil than a hamster!!

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Tygher41 3 years ago from Boynton Beach, FL

This list is incredible. Thanks so much for the laugh! I hate birds...geh...and though I have owned several cats - I totally agree how wicked they can be. I still have many scars to prove it.

Alona Tretyak 2 years ago

I am going to own a baby hamster tomorrow but i don't think their that bad

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Philip Olinger 2 years ago

This list is great. I had three goldfish when I was a kid. They lived about 15 years together. Was so tired of having to constantly maintain stupid 5 cent fish. Thankfully something happened and they were all dead one day. All of these animals are terrible, never wanted any of them. Lived with cats a couple times, roommates always ended up getting one after I moved in. Also a terrible creature. Why would you want something so high maintenance? They are always messing with stuff and stinking up the house. Worse than the sour stench (that every cat owner claims doesn't happen to their house, even though it hits you in the face the second you walk in) is the destruction they do to furniture. Oh and top it all off they are a very common allergen too.

Awesome person 19 months ago

-_- I don't thing hamsters are blood thirsty! i have one!!! Hamsters should not be on this list!!! I don't think this is true but that's my opinion...

The Man 101 19 months ago

i agree with cats but have you ever had one of these pets? yes hamsters Teeth LOOK scary but they only bite for a REASON! like if there scared. I kinda think however made this dose not like animals...

anna E. 19 months ago

This is a joke! -_- don't wast your time reading this!

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Shaddie 19 months ago from Washington state Author

I have personally owned many hamsters in my life, and I work with them in my professional career to this day. There are many other animals that will not give you as much grief as a hamster but will satisfy the void in your soul that longs for a small, smelly, furry creature - such as a gerbil, a degu, a rat, a chinchilla, a guinea pig, or a piece of lint.

Hanna 18 months ago

SO wrong about budgies!!!!! If they bite you, it doesn't mean their trying to. You just need so gain their trust!!!! And you have to train the budgie to go on your finger after you gain their trust!!! This website is a disgrace to the death of my budgie!

Sophie 16 months ago

Hamsters won't bite unless u scare them u just probably haven't experienced ANY of them

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Shaddie 15 months ago from Washington state Author

lol Sophie ok.

A person 7 months ago

To be honest, I've only had good experiences with cats. Ivan (my current cat) will actively seek me out and try to rub into, and cuddle me when I've been away for a bit.

I have had bad experiences with dogs and birds however. Heck, I've known two dogs who've clawed up my legs, and were just very annoying in general. But I've had one good experience with a Labrador (R.I.P Louis). Parakeets have not liked me, or anyone else in the house.

Not saying all cats or good, or all dogs are bad, but I do feel you were a bit hard on cats. Sorry if I missed something.

ninja 6 months ago


jamil 6 months ago

cat are not bad

fox 6 months ago

so many lies! I love cats! my cousin had an iguana! my friend has a hamster! LIES LIES LIES

AnimalLover 5 months ago

You put cats! That makes a lot of sense, I don't understand why they get treated like royalty, it's unfair towards dogs. The only cat I like is mine, because she is a helpless, blind and deaf cat missing all her claws, all she ever wants is to be held, she can't scratch, she can't hear you and she can't see you either. However, the Green Iguana part I slightly dislike because if you know what you're doing Iguanas are absolutely excellent pets. Mine is beautiful and awesome but of course, if you don't know what you're getting into Iguanas can break the bank and be aggressive Godzillas.

Robin 4 months ago

To those saying the writer of this article doesn't love animals, or even hates these animals, I didn't give that impression at all. I got the impression that they care about animals, and that's exactly why they wrote this. It's important to remember that a bad pet is not a bad animal, and with a lot of these, the final point wasn't so much that the animal is bad, but that assuming that they'll be a good, easy pet is bad.

After all, if they didn't care about these animals, they wouldn't care that people don't know that a goldfish should live 30 years, and that they're doing something wrong if their fish are dying so quickly. They wouldn't care that people buy budgies, then get annoyed when their bird is noisy, or that the hamster *seriously* does *not* want cuddles, or that letting your cat roam the streets is not harmless. Sure, all of these animals can make great pets, if you know what they will become when they grow up, and if you understand their nature and don't make assumptions based on how they look. However, pet stores are often geared toward encouraging impulse buys, where someone gets that bird before asking 'so...when does it *stop* making noise?*

Ann 4 months ago

I don't agree on cats... They are best creatures to take home

Leo 4 months ago

Cats are the best. Dogs should be number 1.

... 3 months ago

What is your favorite pet?

Harry 2 months ago

As far as cats being the worst that I cannot agree with this author more. I recently found a stray kitten under my home and having a big heart I took it in as a pet. I'm a dog person and I've never had a cat before so I did a great deal of research and discovered that this cat was a purebred Bombay.

Bombay's are supposed to be the most lovable caring dog like cats that there are. If that is the case I can only come to the conclusion that cat owners are into extreme self abuse. I sincerely believe this wholeheartedly. Cats are narcissistic, self-centered, care nothing for their owners no matter how well they are treated or what you do for them. Dogs are a hundred times better. Cats are a hundred times worse and give you nothing in return. They love to scratch bite inflict pain & drive you crazy. I have never seen an animal that is so intent on returning hate for love and pain.

It is often said that people who own cats are weird by Nature. I definitely agree. You have to be seriously nuts to own a cat there just is nothing in it for you except pain and misery. There simply is no reward. owning a dog on the other hand by comparison is like heaven compared to hell. If you're thinking of getting a cat I would seriously suggest you see a psychiatrist first I think you have some real self abuse issues that need to be addressed. Please don't do it to yourself, get a nice puppy instead, better yet go to the shelter and get one, you won't be sorry!

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